A Cry For Justice

Awakening the Evangelical Church to Domestic Violence and Abuse in its Midst

When Ps Jason Meyer mutualized the blame in domestic abuse

In a video posted by Bethlehem Baptist Church, Pastor Jason Meyer introduced Pastor Chris Moles’ presentation on domestic abuse at Bethlehem Baptist Church. Meyer explained headship and submission and he gave an example of how he counseled an ‘insensitive husband’.

Meyer told the husband, “You’re tearing each other apart”.

By saying ‘each other’ Jason Meyer was mutualizing the blame: he was depicting both spouses as tearing the relationship apart.

Here is a transcript of a portion of the video where Meyer is talking about the ‘insensitive husband.” (transcription starts 26:35 in the video Chris Moles All Church-Understanding & Addressing Domestic Abuse )

…Two halves of one. Become one flesh.  And so now he says husbands – it’s not just sinful to not love your wife.  It’s stupid.  It’s incredibly stupid. Because when you hurt her it’s a boomerang – you’re just hurting yourself.  And he says nobody does that.  When you wake up in the morning you don’t just say, “Huh, Should I take a brick and should I drop it on my toe this morning or should I go have breakfast.?”  Yes, of course, you always decide to care for yourself.  Nobody’s going to beat themselves up that way. And so He says, Husbands, you already do this in caring for yourself.  Now your wife is one flesh with you.  So hurting her is hurting yourself.

One time I really tried to get this home to somebody that was just really an insensitive husband.  And I was saying, “Brother, you’re not happy at all.  Do you see what’s happened?  You’re in this tug of war all the time. You’re trying to get control. You’re being coercive and oppressive.  Neither of you are happy.  You know why? Because you’re one. And you’re tearing each other apart….”


PS. I had hoped these foolish words were a slip that Pastor Meyer might now have repented of. But that seems to have been a vain hope. How can I be so sure? Because we clipped that section of BBC’s Vimeo video and put it on my YouTube channel in order for us to show it to you here. And we posted the clip in an ‘update’ on a previous post we had published about Jason Meyer. Either Bethlehem Baptist are lurking at our blog and saw our update, or they are tracking whether their Vimeo material is being posted elsewhere, because I received a message from YouTube telling me that Bethlehem Baptist had complained that I’d infringed their copyright by posting that short clip from their video onto my YouTube channel.

Since I got that message from YouTube, I have checked and verified that Meyer has not removed that part of his original video — so presumable he must think it is all fine. Nothing to apologise for there, nothing to retract there. Just demand that Barbara not be allowed to have the clip on her YouTube channel.

And by the way, as I understand copyright laws, they permit “fair use” of a small part of other creator’s content. And “fair use” includes for the purpose of review and critique. The clip we made is no longer on my YouTube site and I’m not going to fight Bethlehem Baptist over that. It’s not worth my time.


Jason Meyer is the teaching pastor at Bethlehem Baptist Church (John Piper’s old church).

Other ACFJ posts about Jason Meyer and Bethlehem Baptist Church

Jason Meyer doesn’t understand domestic abuse very well. Chris Moles trained him. (Oct, 2017)

John Piper’s old church is admitting to fault in how it has addressed domestic abuse, and making changes. (April, 2015)

My Defense Against the Public Attack by Bethlehem Baptist Church — a reblog from Natalie (published at ACFJ in Feb 2017; originally published by Natalie in Dec 2016)


  1. paescapee

    How interesting that he focusses how much on how the man is ‘hurting himself’! I wonder how much her black eye hurts…and he also compares his wife (I think) to an inanimate OBJECT- a towel!

    • Helovesme

      Wow, I didn’t catch that part. Good insight. A woman is not to be compared to a towel; that should be obvious to all.

    • I am Woman hear me roar

      Speaking such truth, Paescapee!

      I wonder how much her black eye hurts

      It is disgusting how men must be pandered to — in pointing out how it personally hurts the man — for any teeny-tiny inkling of fairy-dust possible change occurring for a tidbit of time.

      Comparing one’s wife to a towel? As a pastor or leader? A towel? Well, maybe then in keeping with the towel-talk, if his wife is a towel, I’m making her into a plush, designer label, expensive, luxurious, can only afford one of them after saving for it for awhile, bury me in this its feels so great, cotton towel. And he is a crusty rag that is so deteriorated even the shop floor deserves better.

      • paescapee

        Haha. I love it, thank you!

  2. Dale Ingraham @ Speaking Truth In Love Ministries

    Reblogged this on Speakingtruthinlove's Blog.

  3. twbtc

    Hello Readers,

    In reading your comments I realized that there is a typo in the post. “Towel” should have read “toe” So the sentence should read, “…Should I take a brick and should I drop it on my toe this morning…?” I have corrected the typo.

    Either way, paescapee is right – too much focus on how the behavior hurts the man. And neither towel nor toe is what a husband should compare his wife to.

    • Oh, I may have been responsible for that typo. Sorry!

  4. TruthSeeker

    I looked up Christian justice. Everything is about social justice, especially poverty. I’m trying to imagine applying this thinking to the situation. The poor and the wealthy are hurting each other? Telling the poor person to focus on forgiveness of the wealthy. (Why focus on this instead of bettering life?) Don’t be bitter. Be submissive and content where God placed you. (Quite a message for people without enough food or clothing.)

    It’s been a long journey, but I am finally starting to see through the distorted thinking. No “Christian” would treat someone in abject poverty in this manner, but they are far away. It’s so much harder when it’s someone close, and if they seek justice, it upsets your world.

    • Thanks TruthSeeker! 🙂

    • Clockwork Angel

      Actually, you’d be surprised how Christians treat the poor in their midst. (Disclaimer: I used to be poor.)

      They might not come out and say, but it sure feels like what they’re thinking sometimes. “Trust in God! Everything will get magically better! Are you tithing? Make sure you tithe!”

  5. Finding Answers

    From the transcript

    ….Yes, of course, you always decide to care for yourself….

    Adding on to the discussion….

    Meyer makes a false assumption that the husband always takes care of himself. In some senses, the statement may be accurate, especially if the husband is an abuser. (Sense of entitlement.)

    In many other situations, the abusive husband expects his wife to do the caring for him – doctor’s appointments, dental appointments, picking up medication, etc. Things a non-abuser (generally) would do to care for himself. (Providing they have the financial resources and accessibility.)

    “Care” can be (mis)used along a wide spectrum….

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