A Cry For Justice

Awakening the Evangelical Church to Domestic Violence and Abuse in its Midst

On the Other Side of Broken — a poem by Elise Delarosa

Here on the other side of broken
Absolutely nothing is simple
This wasn’t supposed to happen
If I loved him with my whole heart
And I loved him with my whole heart
But that just wasn’t enough
To make him stop
Hurting
And hurting me

Finally had to open my eyes
And listen to the truth instead of his screaming
I turned the other direction
Set my face like flint
Fixed my focus
On what real love is
On what real love does
I stopped the madness

Exquisite torture ended
Silent punishment gone at last
But invisible wounds
Bleed just the same
Leaking happy marriage hopes
And warm life blood that
I thought would never run out
But it did

Somehow I still think it’s my fault
Though I gave him everything I had
Until there was nothing left to give
Until I cried out all the tears
Until all the bottles filled
I learned the hard way
You can’t change someone else
Or love them into loving you back
Or even make them treat you nicely

Even though I’m now quite safely
On the other side of broken
There’s an awful lot of healing
An awful lot of healing
Left to do

***

13 Comments

  1. Hope

    Wow, thank you. This says beautifully everything I feel, think, believe and lived. I wonder if a broken heart ever heals, or if one simply learns to live with it. I too am on the other side now, just at the beginning, and have no idea where my life is going, but the ride with Christ should be quite an adventure.

  2. Anonymous

    So accurate, so beautiful! Thank you for sharing the cry of my heart!

  3. Diana

    This is so beautiful

  4. Fellow traveler

    What a gracious, lovely heart! God bless you and keep you, and may his face shine upon you!

  5. freeatlast8

    Love this. So much.

  6. Traddy

    I have poetry too, we might call them DAV poems-I wish we could have a compilation of such poems collected, collated, published…as an encouragement to others like us, as a source of healing and power to likewise use the literary arts to heal… some of my poems are angry ones… some describe my physical and mental anguish. I may have five or six – and I’m asking a Cry for Justice if they might be interested in an anthology of Poetry written by women who were in domestic situations and have survived, can use their names… I would use mine. I also have some loving family oriented poems… but it’s been a downward spiral…

    • Hi Traddy
      we are so busy trying to write and publish our own stuff, we can’t undertake to be publishers of a book like that. Sorry. Making such a compilation might be a good idea, but we can’t take on the job of doing it.

  7. Louise

    Very true. I feel brave and strong at times since I’ve left. Other times I feel broken, hurt and sad that I allowed someone to hurt me so badly, yet he still denies. Healing would be easier if he took accountability. That fact that he never can or will does not help my brokenness. That so few around me understand my reasons for leaving does not help my brokenness.
    Thank you for this blog and the articles. They give me strength.

  8. Elise

    Barbara – it blesses and encourages me beyond measure to see the words I’ve cried over, the words I’ve been afraid to claim – bless and encourage others. Thank you.

    • and thank you, Elise Delarosa. This is what our blog is all about: giving victim/survivors a place where their voices will be honored and respected, so we can encourage and empower each other.
      bless you!

  9. Finding Answers

    How does one describe the other side of broken?

    How does one know if the other side of broken exists?

    Is the other side of broken accepting the “new norm” caused by the damage of decades of abuse?

    Or is the other side of broken being reconciled to God? Is the other side of broken being free of the chains that bound me in lies?

    Unless I am both broken AND on the other side of broken.

    • Going by my own experience, the other side of broken is where I am increasingly free from the chains that bound me in lies and where God uses my having been broken to help others.

      I was damaged by the abuse. In my mortal life so far, my experience of abuse does not give me understanding or everyone’s individual experience of having been abused; but it does give me compassion and openness to learn from other peoples’ experience of abuse.

      The abuse changed me, it neurologically re-wired me (fused and tangled and maybe destroyed some of my wires, so I may never recover fully) and it spiritually affected me. And some of the consequences of that I will live probably have to with for the rest of my mortal life:— being wired differently, being an oddball, feeling like I am a misfit, knowing I don’t easily fit in with the normal run of people.

      But the consequences of the abuses I have suffered (i.e., the effects on my personality/ character/ interests/ focus in life) …God seems to be using those consequences for the benefit of others. Romans 8:28.

      May I encourage you and all readers of this blog to re-read Romans 8.

      That link I just gave ^ gives William Tyndale’s translation of the New Testament, gently updated for modern readers.

      • Finding Answers

        Thank you, Barb, for your experiential reply, as well as the link to Romans 8.

        I have been slogging through the process of over-writing some powerful lies the last couple of days, all the while clinging to the Hand of the Holy Spirit.

        In re-reading Romans 8 through the link you provided, I have a sense part of Romans 8 has been untwisted, but part of it remains twisted.

        Your personal experience helps, and with each re-reading something different resonates with me.

        The only thing I know is the lies I over-wrote were not the kind found in books on Scripture.

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