UPDATE Sept 2021: I have come to believe that Jeff Crippen does not practise what he preaches. He vilely persecuted an abuse victim and spiritually abused many other people in the Tillamook congregation. Go here to read the evidence. Jeff has not gone to the people that he spiritually and emotionally abused. He has not apologised to them, let alone asked for their forgiveness.
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The wicked consistently break God’s commandments, and the abuser who claims to be a Christian is the most wicked law-breaker of all. Let’s see if we can think of ways abusers, who want to be God themselves, habitually by their very nature defy and violate God’s Law:
Exodus 20:3 “You shall have no other gods before me.”
This one is easy. The abuser considers himself to be God. He craves, like Satan, to be “like the Most High.” That is why he demands the worship of his victims, insisting that they make him the center of the universe. The abuser is his god, and one day he will meet the true God face to face. It will not go well for him.
Exodus 20: 4-6 “You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the LORD your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love me and keep my commandments.”
I suppose this one is a bit harder to think of. We know that in Romans 1 Paul says that idolaters make images of crawling creatures, and even of man himself. When the abuser thinks in his mind of what God must look like, he necessarily sees himself. He sets himself up as an idol, then bows down to his own image.
Exodus 20: 7 “You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain, for the LORD will not hold him guiltless who takes his name in vain.”
The abusers we primarily deal with claim to be Christians. They therefore take the name of the Lord in vain every time they speak of religion, make their empty profession of Christ, offer up prayers in Christ’s name, and even each Sunday when they walk through the church doors. Every mention of the Lord by an abuser is blasphemy in God’s eyes.
Exodus 20:8-11 “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, you, or your son, or your daughter, your male servant, or your female servant, or your livestock, or the sojourner who is within your gates. For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.”
Many abusers are diligent church members. They are “in church” every time the church doors are open. But the abuser is the prime example of hypocrisy. His presence in a worship service is an affront to the Lord. Some abusers even religiously lead their families in Bible study and prayer in the home. Such actions profane the Sabbath day.
Exodus 20:12 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you.”
An abuser who is a parent breaks this commandment in both directions. He is a shame to his own parents, but he also is a dishonor to his children. How can the children of an abuser honor such a wicked man? He causes them to stumble.
Exodus 20:13 “You shall not murder.”
This one is easy too. Abusers are murderers. Abusers work to destroy the lives of their victims. Many do so literally by killing them violently, while others kill their victim very slowly. Abuse robs a person of their health. Most of the long time abuse victims we know suffer from serious illnesses, often some kind of immune system disorder.
Exodus 20:14 “You shall not commit adultery.”
Well, here it is. Abusers very often commit literal adultery, but every abuser is an adulterer in that he violates the marriage covenant in every way. He does not love, honor and cherish his bride as he vowed to do. Abusers are cheats.
Exodus 20:15 “You shall not steal.”
How many ways could we list under this category? Abusers are thieves and robbers. They take what is not theirs, demanding power and control they are not entitled to. They abuse their victim economically, refusing to give their wife a fair share of the finances.
Exodus 20:16 “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.”
Abusers are liars. They are constantly bearing false witness, lying to deceive and dupe and gain allies against their victim. They tell lies to their children. They lie to their victim. In fact, just about every time an abuser’s mouth is open, he is telling a lie just like his father the devil.
Exodus 20:17 “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male servant, or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor’s.”
And abusers covet. They see what others have and they demand it for themselves, turning their wicked tactics upon people so as to obtain what is not theirs. Abusers covet power. They covet self-glory.
Now, just how do you think it is going to go with such a person when they stand before God’s holy tribunal one day? Christ will be of no avail to them because they are not in Christ, despite all their claims of religion. The Lord sees it all. He knows. No abuser will escape. Perfect justice will be effected, to the glory and praise of God.
A Cry For Justice 
Reblogged this on Speakingtruthinlove's Blog [Internet Archive link] and commented:
This is a very powerful article.
Amen! God will have the final say. Abusers rarely accept anyone telling them, “No”. The final word they will hear and have to obey is “No”!
Exposing evil is not for the strong in the flesh but for us who are weak in the flesh. When the abused is weak in their flesh the spirit can become strong. Hope this makes sense. Jesus was the holy example of this visual.
I am just now understanding the physical abuse. Although my abuser did not hit me. He used my weak points to condemn me.
Sometimes abused women with physical symptoms go to the Dr. The doc often sees no problems. Doesn’t know what to label the issue. Sometimes it fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis, etc.
But inside she feels like she is dying.
I look back to my mother who is my hero.
She died from a broken heart.
What an amazing woman of courage she was to me.
AMEN….to justice…I often wonder about my ex and if he is feeling and / or dealing with the consequences of his sins against me and countless others who he has abused, manipulated, deceived and used, thank you for reminding me that one day he will answer for his evil ways
AMEN.
This is very full of truth! No abuser gets away with it in the end. We have to keep our minds on the eternal and not temporal. Even if abusers can dupe people on earth, they cannot escape the day of judgment.
Hi Mary,
Welcome to the blog and thank you for that reminder – keeping our minds on the eternal – yes, indeed!
If you haven’t done so already may I suggest you review the New User’s page found on the top menu bar. It gives tips for staying safe when commenting on the blog.
This post hits the nail on the head
Sounds like you a describing a narcissistic personality
I have an immune disorder among other things
I had a very disturbing discussion with my adult son today …. He said to me he doesn’t believe I’m in an abusive marriage because if I was I would have left a long time ago. He said I’m telling lies. He also said I have checked out and I’m selfish and I’m hurting everyone around me, including my husband. He said my husband is the one man he has a lot of respect for .. he said he used to respect me but no longer does because of my attitude.
I was stunned at his response to me .. I said to myself he has no idea. I told him I’m not one to go around talking about what happens at home. My son admitted to getting angry with his wife and yelling and wanting to punch the wall. He said he gets angry. I said you sound like your father and that behaviour is immature and you need to grow up and deal with stuff like a man.
My husband has defiantly abused me … after a talking to like that from my son I start doubting I am and I start to think maybe it’s a figment of my imagination. My son said that I have got this germ of an idea in my head and I’m running with it and destroying my family in the process.
Firm the first time today I told him, the first of my kids to hear this, I don’t love your dad anymore. I told him something snapped and I cannot rekindle it or put it back together.
Dear Loves6
You son doesn’t understand about abuse and doesn’t believe you have been abused, because he chooses to think like his dad, and because he himself is abusing his wife!
I encourage you to cast off his false accusations of you.
While it’s true that in a sense you have somewhat ‘checked out’ at home these days, the reason why you have is that your husband has ground you down so much and is so unrepentant. You are — entirely reasonably — guarding the small amount of health and decision-making space you still have left. And ‘checking out’ is a big part of how you are doing that.
Let me give you a little snippet from a book I’m reading at the moment Coercive Control: How Men Entrap Women in Personal Life [Affiliate link] by Evan Stark. (page 198)
Your son either does not see the cage, or, more likely, sees it but has chosen to deny it.
And that cage will suffocate you. Soon there will be no more air in the room and your spirit will be crushed, your identity robbed, your personhood diminished and the continuation of dehumanizing you from the abuser will only worsen. That’s not life. That’s slavery and imprisonment.
I like the sound of the book Barb.
I have cast off the accusations.. I tell myself I know what I know.
My son does abuse his wife and also controls her too. My other son also abused his wife that marriage is over.
I feel like I live in a prison … I have felt this way for years … I often say to certain friends .. I’m off home to my prison
Thanks Barb
Dear Loves6 I feel your pain- my adult son is ‘punishing me’ because he does not agree with my stance with his dad (cold shoulder, no access to grandchild 😦 – it is devastating as we give so much to our children and it is especially hard and costly to do so when in an abusive relationship, and to have them ‘turn on us’ is unbearable…. I try and remind myself that part of it for him (and my other children) is grief and loss -and there is a lot of pain and other things to process but I also think they want the familiar back, it’s their comfort zone and it requires them to be more giving in things such as empathy, understanding and compassion- even practical things and to be honest I think some times they are too preoccupied and self centred to engage like that and so they oppose, to try and get things back to the way they were to make life simpler for them.
And I doubt myself too – many times -so am actively working at trusting my gut and listening to my voice… I’m also trying to build up some one liners that I can inject into the conversation which may help him ‘see’ e.g. empathy: I know your hurting. This has turned our world upside down I’m hurting too. There’s a lot of stuff that’s gone down between your dad and I that you know nothing about. Some times things are so broken that you can’t fix them. Why did I stay so long? I always hoped things would get better. I stayed for you and your siblings. Trust is broken. His behaviour has made it impossible to stay in the relationship. Leaving was a matter of survival.
I have yet to see if any of these things will make a difference. In the short term I think he is too angry and hurt and judgemental to take them on board, but at least I feel a bit prepared. I’ll just keep loving him and praying that God will help him see. And ask God for comfort in the midst of such pain. Take care x
My son has threatened if I leave I won’t see my grandchild
I told my eldest child .. who is over 30. That I didn’t love her dad anymore. She said she wasn’t surprised and then went I to say that it is not all dad’s fault but not mine either. She didn’t act out in anger, she said she is too sad to be angry
I feel that now saying to the kids I don’t love him anymore is the next level of me separating. I’m so numb and couldn’t care less about people’s reactions. I can feel this change that has take place
I feel like my love died over 2 yr period. I pleaded with him …got councelling for us. . Did all I felt I could do and he wouldn’t listen … he abused me one too many times and the chord of love snapped. I feel it has snapped beyond repair. I never ever want it to be repaired.
It is the saddest thing when I look at the man you once loved and now don’t. I never ever imagined myself to be here. I have grieved much over the last two years now you have no more tears. I have to stand up for what I know to me true and be strong.
A cry for justice
After almost three years of praying for God to open my adult children’s eyes to their fathers abuse.
I am trying to communicate with them.
I am also done ignoring the fact that if I speak truth to them I might not ever have an open realationship again.
I cannot hide the deception any longer.
So I am asking for prayer to fight the enemy that hates that I am moving forward and exposing the evil deeds this man has gotten away with for decades.
Please pray for me!
That the enemy will not win this spiritual battle.
That the chains of darkness will be broken.
Also for healing in my body
The abuse has taken a toll
Thank you
Herjourney and Loves6, praying for you today.
Keep speaking and living the truth of Jesus Christ. I will also pray that God will open the eyes of your family members to see that truth and have the strength to do what is right in God’s eyes.
(From deep fog…airbrushing as I write.)
From Barb’s reply:
Reading this reminded of why I hate zoos.
Watching an animal pace back and forth, back and forth. Wearing a path in the grass / soil.
I used to say they were “cage-crazy”.
I used to walk long distances.
During the divorce process, I walked the equivalent of two-thirds of a marathon a day. Every day.
Someone, not the anti-x, was throwing things at the door / window of the place where I lived. Every day. For over six weeks.
I walked just so I could sleep at night.
I rest Evan Stark’s case…
….drawing in a big intake of breath, in amazement at what you’ve been through…and how creatively you resisted the abuse.