How the Arrogance of Professing Christians is Enabling the Wicked (Part 1)

26 thoughts on “How the Arrogance of Professing Christians is Enabling the Wicked (Part 1)”

1. I think there is a fear of calling anyone “good” in today’s church, especially in Reformed churches. So we determine that everyone is evil. And therefore everyone is equally evil. And if we are all just as evil, we are all just as good. And so no one is REALLY evil.

   The problem is that the Bible doesn’t think of people this way. It distinguishes between those who are good and those who are not. It doesn’t necessarily fit with our modern day evangelical sensibilities, so we ignore those bits.

   And then evil runs amok in the playground we’ve created.

   1. I think there is a fear of calling anyone “good” in today’s church, especially in Reformed churches. So we determine that everyone is evil. And therefore everyone is equally evil. And if we are all just as evil, we are all just as good. And so no one is REALLY evil.

      The problem is that the Bible doesn’t think of people this way. It distinguishes between those who are good and those who are not. It doesn’t necessarily fit with our modern day evangelical sensibilities, so we ignore those bits.

      And then evil runs amok in the playground we’ve created.

      LIKE!

   2. LIKE!

2. Arrogance and enabling – I see faces of men who claim to speak for God on those words. Even in pastoral circles where my husband and I belonged, I saw faces on those words. Even in social settings, certain men left me feeling like an underdog or lesser person. I couldn’t explain it then, but now I realize that I was not the only recipient of their arrogance. I was just more sensitive and felt their subtle belittling. If they behaved like that in public, how much more terrible did they treat the abused when they came asking for help! And now, in the present, religious groups have been brainwashed to believing that their authority is God-given. They use authoritarian vocabulary that confuses people into believing that they indeed get the final word.

   All of this ugliness! For me, the despair and injustice seems greater in December. I’ve decided that it is because of the baby Jesus, wrapped in humility, is their antithesis. I am able to find a refuge, kneeling at the manger. It is the one place that the arrogant never, never show up.

   1. Seeing Clearly – I see those same faces. Pastoral circles. Those faces are why I feel so uncomfortable in those settings. Thank you.

3. This is something every church needs to hear! Churches are so tolerant of the unrepentant person at the expense of the repentant person. I know as a victim, after sharing with someone what was going on, they turned around called me the very same slander my abuser used. (That hurt!) I have recently been told to just be a 1 Pet 3:1 wife so I could “win him to the Lord” and for “season”, (however long that takes), allow my time to be dictated by his whims and schedule. I was also told to step down from the ministry I lead, by Christians, because my abuser feels he should come first – before my relationship with the Lord. And again, a 1 Pet 3:1 would do this and put him before the church, before God. My abuser thinks he is God and thinks I should conform to him. I have learned once again, I still do not have any “friends” to truly confide in. My church wants to do a 6 weeks marriage program, Sacred Marriage, to fix the marriages in our church that are in shambles.

   My church wants a revival but I keep telling them that until we get true ‘revival’ in our homes, we will never have a God ordained revival in our churches…. so here comes the bandaids…

   This was a great article and I’m looking forward to the next installment(s).

   Thank you and God bless!!

   1. This info is really helpful in dividing the issues at hand. It does get quite clouded up. And, I do see arrogance in it.

      My experience has been that although my pastor was supportive in my decisions he doesn’t really understand the abuse cycle. He was very serious and desiring of doing marriage counseling when I first approached him. Thankfully the Lord led me to tons of readings on abuse and found that marriage counseling is contraindicated in abusive situations. I did tell the pastor that on several occasions, but he seemed to persist and at first, I was willing to try anything. We were even about to go away for a weekend marriage retreat and at the last moment a “blow up” occurred and God closed that door.

      This was already 2-3 years ago. At that time a couple in my church was doing the “Sacred Marriage” series in their home and my pastor suggested I go even if alone. I agreed and much to my surprise my now ex agreed to participate as well. On the way the first night I endured a short bout of car rage but pushed on. We did finish the 6 classes (they are very good for non-abusive marriages) and he even admitted in session 2 that he treated me badly. However, nothing changed and I felt angry during the lessons. Now I know why.

      But, this leads me to this (and I am thinking you are talking about Gary Thomas’ “Sacred Marriage”): recently I read something written by him saying this particular work does not address abusive marriages and should not be used in these situations. He mentioned he was putting in a disclaimer in his next publishing so that people would be aware not to use it if abuse is happening. I was so happy to read that!

      Anyway, I tried to educate my pastor a little during the meetings we had, but not too sure if effective. I had read that when the pastor doesn’t confront in any way it’s like he endorses the abusers behaviors. I felt this and decided it was healthier for me to leave. Tired of wearing a mask and pretending all was status quo. It definitely is different when you’re no longer living in a state of denial!

      1. Yes. Thomas never intended to have that book handed to targets of abuse. I’ve had that book suggested as a fix for me as well. Thomas WOULD NOT approve of that nonsense.

   2. Hi Proud Mommy, welcome to the blog 🙂
      Here are two I wrote on 1 Peter which you may like to check out if you haven’t already seen them:
      1 Peter 3:6 — Sarah’s children do what is right and do not give way to fear

      Should wives submit to harsh husbands just like slaves submitting to harsh masters? (1 Peter 2 & 3)

   3. So true Proud Mommy. What does repentance look like in church, for I have not seen it practiced. Only “I know more than you” and “I can do whatever I choose because God loves me.” No guilt, no conviction, thus, no repentance and no change.

      Perhaps the greatest persecution of born again believers in Jesus, the Christ, alone for salvation will come from and out of “the church.”

      Praying for you and encouraging you to trust in Jesus and abide in Him alone for your unfailing and abundant faith. He will never leave you nor forsake you, nor ever lead you astray, that is His Promise, unlike that of mere man. Joshua 1:9 for you today.

4. There is distinct difference between being abrasive and arrogance. Abrasiveness is about delivery – arrogance is about entitlement and justification.

   Thank you! I know about a dozen (and counting!) churches that need this explanation nailed to their front doors – glass ones included!

5. What a great article. It is almost unpardonable in Christian circles influenced by some of the worst elements of psychology that anyone should “feel bad”. I hear everything from pathological parenting, to addiction, to abuse dismissed with the statement “we don’t want to say anything so that they don’t feel bad after all most people are trying as hard as they can”. In fact, abusive people are not trying to do anything but get away with their oppression and tyranny. Scriptures tell us “it is the grace (and kindness) of God that leads to repentance”. If feeling bad about my motives, actions, thoughts or deeds leads me to repentance, that liberation from sin which results in real joy, thank God for the gift of feeling bad! We treat the sorrow that leads to repentance as the thing to avoid at all costs in ourselves and others when it is actually the path to freedom in our relationship to God.

   By contrast, false guilt is something abusers USE against their victim “see what you made me do” was something my abuser said after I burned the roast and had a black eye to show for it. He used false guilt to shame me and excuse his actions and project the blame of his abuse on his victim. Meanwhile he wouldn’t own the real guilt that would have lead to his freedom and forgiveness from Christ Jesus.

   If “feeling bad” about my actions results in seeking cleansing and healing and receiving forgiveness for Christ and his atoning work on my character, than bring on feeling bad for my wrong actions. Abusers want to project their guilt and not let conviction change them Those that love them and really care about them would want them to feel bad if it saved them from the consequences of the hell that will fall on their lives. Love does not enable loved ones to create hell on earth and go to hell when this life is over.

   1. Prodigal Daughter Returns – Excellent! Thank you for the clarity and truth of your words here.

6. Jeff, God bless you for showing how Scripture applies to these situations. Too often it becomes a shield for wicked oppressors. I keep sharing your articles with my friends and hoping that even a little bit of this gets through, because everybody in the church is going to encounter these situations in one form or another at some point; it’s my prayer that more people in the church will be informed about abuse BEFORE they find themselves trying to help a victim.

7. You packed one heck of a punch in this piece, Pastor Jeff. I love it. The Scriptures you used facilitated a much more balanced picture than we so often see in the Christian counseling domain. I look forward to reading more from you on this subject.

   Thank you.

8. Speaking of arrogance, George Simon Jr (Divorcing The ‘Character Disordered’: An Interview With Dr. George Simon [Internet Archive link]) gives the red flags for the attitudes shown by Character Disturbed people:

   Top Character Disturbance attitude red flags: Entitlement, possessiveness, indifference to others, arrogance, disdain for obligation. The more of these attitudes they possess and the more intense these attributes are, the more character impaired the person is. (link [Internet Archive link])

   (bold font added in the quote by me)

9. You have to understand that Character Disturbed people don’t play by the regular rules, so trying to reach consensus with them and exhausting yourself trying to get them to “see” the unhealthiness of their ways is pointless. I have a rhyme I like to use: “It’s not that they don’t see, it’s that they disagree.”

   Wise words from George Simon, taken from same link as above (here [Internet Archive link]).

   This is what so many counselors and pastors don’t get. They think that the abuser does not see his abusiveness, and so he needs to be helped to see it (educated, enlightened, sent to educational programs). But the abuser sees, he just disagrees.

   He pretends that he doesn’t see, in order to give the pastors and counselors the idea that they, with their superior skills, can help him.

   But so it’s often just a ploy, a ploy to lead the professionals round the garden path and back again, a giant delaying tactic that works very well for keeping his target in limbo — it has the effect of encouraging the target to hang on ‘in case’ the abuser changes and finally GETS IT. And it butters up the foolish pastor and foolish counselor no end, making them feel important. And it’s a nice little earner for many program providers and book authors . . .

   1. Thank you for that clarification / explanation, Barbara! I have read this quote by George Simon many times and tonight was the first time it unlocked new, deeper understanding for me in a personal application kind of way.

      Yes. This is my h to a tee. I’ve heard those words paraphrased straight from his mouth: “I don’t see it that way.” He knows what he’s doing – he simply disagrees that it’s abuse. There is always an excuse. It’s poor upbringing, trauma from his childhood, misunderstanding, a different point of view…SOMETHING. Regardless, he is never to blame. Ever. And I am always to blame. Always wrong. Always searching for the plausible explanation to attach to his actions in order to apply logic to the situation or find the exception to the rule.

      Well, no more. Thank you for making this point crystal. The fog grows ever thinner….

10. “Like a muddied spring or a polluted fountain is a righteous man who gives way before the wicked.” (Proverbs 25:26 ESV)
    Just this week, the insidious nature of our narcissistic culture was sadly revealed when a dear friend showed unmistakable symptoms of being infected by the unrepentance tolerated in the church. There had been several incidents in her character that were disturbing & inconsistent with the person I thot I knew, but were painfully unmasked in an recent email. “A little leaven” goes a long way & a false gospel produces bitter fruit.
    Then I stumbled on a horrifying metaphor: the Ebola virus is most infectious in the dead. In fact, cremation is advised for those who die from it. They are “polluted”.
    It seems there’s a lesson there for dead churches who infect others with their evil.

    1. Love that verse!

11. Thanks for this refreshing post Jeff.
    There seems to be a codependancy between the church and the abuser, which is fueled by the twisting and misapplication of scripture as your article so well explains.

    Thank you for continuing to expound on this.

    1. now that’s a use of the term ‘codependency’ which I can agree with!

       1. You’re right. As a victim moves from the fog toward the light, she/he starts to be able to make better boundaries, and be more confident in independent thinking. As the truth starts to come out, the abuser and supporters become more firmly entrenched in their ‘denial’. Desperate to hang on to their fantasyland, they resort to self imposed ignorance, increasingly grabbing hold of lies so that they can stay in their fake little comfort zones. They resist the truth that threatens to rip off the facade, exposing the white ants and corruption going on underneath. The facade that props up their very identity. Now that sure sounds like codependency and addiction to me! Thank you for this post Jeff and looking forward to the others on the subject!

12. Thank you Pastor Jeff! This is exactly what has been on my heart for some time now and you have addressed it well.

    Just this morning at the church I happened to attend the pastor said we all have both good and evil within us. What??? I sat with my mouth open a bit waiting for the explanation to that and he went on to say we all sin. So the logic is sin=evil, we all sin=we are all evil. So then what does it mean in 1 Peter when he states we are a royal priesthood, a holy nation? We are told in 1 John we all sin but isn’t it a leap to say that since we sin we are evil? What, then, is the term for those who persist and enjoy sin with no fear of God and no desire to repent? Isn’t that what is evil? As I see it this is just the kind of preaching that enables abusers so they can say, “Hey, we’re all evil after all so I’m just like everyone else. Whew, no one can call me out since we’re all the same!” Simultaneously, the victim slumps down in the pew in discouragement and despair for being hurt and frustrated with her abusive husband who “is just like her- no better, no worse”. Sin leveling.

    1. Valerie – you stated it very well. Exactly. That pastor is sin leveling. Thus he is enabling the wicked. And he necessarily is NOT faithfully teaching God’s Word.

13. … the abuser is offered the same (or more) promises of God’s love and mercy and grace as his victim is!

    This so wrong. I have been trying to understand how we encourage mercy for perpetrators at the expense of their victims. We have accepted that people can’t control their behavior. We don’t hold abusers accountable because:
    First, at church, we’re all sinners, so who is going to throw the first stone?
    Second, in therapy, we are victims of heredity, environment and socialization. We abuse because we were abused.
    Who then, is accountable?

    From: Psychology, Philosophy & Real Life
    Dr George Simon, Ph
    [ACFJ Eds note: some formatting has been added to this lengthy quote]

    Is all our behavior merely a product of our biochemistry, our upbringing, our environment, etc.? Do we really have as much control over our actions as some used to believe? Are the concepts of right and wrong, crime and punishment simply outdated?

    Some attitudes toward the issue of personal responsibility have been shaped at least in part by deep misunderstandings about the nature of mental disorder. Often, when folks hear the term “disorder,” they infer that a genuine disease process is at work that, in some measure, divorces a person from culpability. But in fact only a handful of clinical conditions can potentially render a person not fully responsible for their behavior. For example, individuals suffering from a delusional psychosis can commit acts — even heinous acts — because their brains (often through no fault of their own) are not functioning normally. And in such cases, an affected individual can lack the capacity both to judge right from wrong, and to voluntarily conform to appropriate social norms. The question of culpability, however, gets more dicey when a person induces such a state through the voluntary ingestion of powerful mind-altering drugs. Similarly, folks in the throes of a severe manic episode have been known to engage in impulsive, reckless acts — even harmful acts — that are out-of-character for them. Again, however, the question of culpability becomes a lot more cloudy if the hyper-elated state that led to the reckless or injurious behavior was brought on by the voluntary ingestion of “recreational” drugs known to induce the state.

    The fact that mental health “disorders” are primarily classified by behavioral description (instead of by the disease process thought to underlie the behavior) only further confuses the issues of personal accountability and culpability. As a result, some criminal defense attorneys have even tried to exculpate their clients by claiming that they “suffer” from a “personality disorder” (ironic, because many theorists conceptualize “personality” by definition as a “preferred” style of human interaction). That’s why a lot of the criticism leveled against the official mental disorders classification systems (which differ radically from the generally accepted methods for classifying other medical conditions) is so well-deserved.

    I might sound like a broken record to some of you readers (perhaps an outdated metaphor for some of you folks who don’t remember how “nicks” in a shellac or vinyl record could cause the phonograph tone arm to repeat sections of a song over and over again), but even though I run the risk of overkill, I simply have to assert this once again: not only has the character crisis being witnessed by the industrialized world over the past several decades reached epidemic proportions, but we have become so desensitized to it (or are in such enormous denial about it) and have grown so accustomed to claims that various mental disorders are really to blame for willful misconduct, that the very notion of personal responsibility for behavior is in jeopardy of becoming extinct.

    Still, it’s my belief that character is and has always been key to responsible social functioning. And the fact that it’s on the decline, for a whole host of reasons, many of which I outline in my book Character Disturbance, is cause for great alarm. When even a “monster” like Ariel Castro can claim victim status on the basis of some vague “sickness,” then you know the whole concept of mental disorder relieving personal culpability has reached a reprehensibly absurd limit. Even folks who have legitimate clinical conditions that sometimes impair their judgment and self-control, but who are otherwise of good character would look a whole lot different from the nefarious characters we so often read about in the news today. Also, when the clinical conditions of people of good character cause them to behave in an out-of-character manner, they’re the first to be outraged by it and do something about it (as opposed to doing nothing until their misbehavior comes to light and they’re pressured into getting “treatment”).

    As a society, we have it within our power to stem the tide of rampant abdication of personal responsibility. A good beginning would be to put an end to the endless “enabling” we’ve been doing, by refusing to accept the all-too-frequently invoked “disorder” excuse and holding all people, except for those rare few who are truly mentally compromised, accountable for their behavior. After all, “therapy” was never meant to be a substitute for a well-earned consequence.

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