A Cry For Justice

Awakening the Evangelical Church to Domestic Violence and Abuse in its Midst

Jesus is the Ultimate Picture of an Abuse Victim

UPDATE Sept 2021: I have come to believe that Jeff Crippen does not practise what he preaches. He vilely persecuted an abuse victim and spiritually abused many other people in the Tillamook congregation. Go here to read the evidence. Jeff has not gone to the people that he spiritually and emotionally abused. He has not apologised to them, let alone asked for their forgiveness.

***

NOTE: As you read this post, please carefully note the following clarification I made in the comments below when someone pointed out to me that many victims are further oppressed when people tell them that THEY must suffer just like Jesus did and just keep on enduring the abuse.  That of course, is completely unbiblical and here is what I said in the comments below the post:

This is a common error that lays guilt on abuse victims and puts them in danger. WE are not Jesus Christ. OUR suffering is not redemptive for sin. Jesus went up to Jerusalem to suffer and die at the hands of the wicked, intentionally. To become a curse for us. To redeem us. He could have stopped it all at any point, but he didn’t. Because he HAD to suffer and die if we were to be redeemed. So when people pull this business on us of “well, you must just patiently suffer at the hands of your abuser like Jesus did,” they are actually degrading the Cross. Christ’s suffering and death is UNIQUE. He alone redeems. This notion that we are little christs who are capable then, by our suffering, to redeem the wicked, is to really trample underfoot the Son of God.

Ok, now to the post itself:

Joh 8:44-45 You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and has nothing to do with the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies. (45) But because I tell the truth, you do not believe me.

1 Jn 3:12-13 We should not be like Cain, who was of the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own deeds were evil and his brother’s righteous. (13) Do not be surprised, brothers, that the world hates you.

I have been giving quite a lot of thought recently to the reasons why abusers who profess to be Christians cruelly and diabolically persecute their Christian victims. What is it that they rage against in a fury?  Why do they twist and pervert and distort reality and truth so as to demean the victim? Why do they do what they do? And today I have been thinking about what they did to Christ. And what they continue to do, as the body of Christ, the true Church, is still being persecuted today?

Jesus was an abuse victim. Now, it is difficult to consider how God could be a victim of mere creatures. But then, that is what the cross was all about, wasn’t it? By His own will and choosing, the eternal and mighty Son of God humbled himself to the point of death, even death as a cursed one on the cross. He willingly became the victim of evil abuse, for us. In a way, WE abused Him because it was for our sins that He became the curse and took His Father’s wrath upon Himself.

But consider how the abusers of His day treated Him. Here He is, the righteous one, sinless, hated by the world, and yet the religious leaders of the day became His chief abusers. You’ve read all the encounters with them. They accused Him. They distorted His words. They ran Him out of church (the Temple). They worked to gain allies against Him. They mocked Him. Why?  WHY? The verses quoted above give a big part of the answer — because he was righteous and they were not. Because His Father was God, and their father was the devil. Sharing their father’s nature, whenever they opened their mouths, they lied. They wanted to kill God because they had their father’s murderous genes in them.

So here’s the deal. All Christians must come to realize that the enemy is going to attack genuine children of God today in the very same ways he attacked Jesus. The grievous thing is that so many Christians and church leaders today seem totally oblivious to this obvious fact. They have a Christian come to them and describe to them the abuse that is being regularly launched at the victim, and they don’t get it.  They act surprised. No, no, it just cannot be.

But all we have to do is look at Jesus. He said:

Joh 15:18-19 “If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. (19) If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.

It really is a no brainer. When it gets right down to it, much of the abuse you all have experienced is simply the very thing that Jesus experienced. The sons of darkness hating and persecuting the children of light. That being the case, all this nonsense that is fed to the victims by their fellow Christians or church leaders (be more submissive and loving and he will change; look at yourself and deal with how your own sin is causing this; etc. – you know all the lines), is rank unbelief in the Word of God. It is a denial of Jesus’ own words to us that we can expect the same as He received. Therefore, many “counselors” today who keep sending victims back to die are really quite well described by the following Scripture:

Act 19:13-16 Then some of the itinerant Jewish exorcists undertook to invoke the name of the Lord Jesus over those who had evil spirits, saying, “I adjure you by the Jesus whom Paul proclaims.” (14) Seven sons of a Jewish high priest named Sceva were doing this. (15) But the evil spirit answered them, “Jesus I know, and Paul I recognize, but who are you?” (16) And the man in whom was the evil spirit leaped on them, mastered all of them and overpowered them, so that they fled out of that house naked and wounded.

Because this is exactly what happens when a church casts out the righteous victim and retains the devil. The devil just did a number on them, and they don’t even know it.  Look at Jesus!  Look at Jesus! Then we might just start getting it right.

49 Comments

  1. nowfree

    Jeff, you really hit the nail on the head. Not sure if this is a pun, but none intended. When I would think of Jesus and his wounds, both physical and surely emotional, I would be comforted by the fact that he knew and experienced all the suffering and more that I went through all those decades, the face bashing episode, the day by day malicious denigrating of my character and Intellect, his slander and libel of me by the vicious lies he told to others, including my family and business associates.

    Through all this, I know that the Lord was beside me, constantly guiding me through some of the darkest hours I have ever experienced. It’s been a couple of long, hard years, but I wouldn’t trade them for anything. I’ve become closer to the Lord and truly feel the peace that passes all understanding.

  2. jennibear

    Oh Jeff I am in tears. I was really hoping you would clarify some, as this post is a trigger for me. I was told this exact thing by my former pastor. Jesus suffered at the hand of the wicked. You must suffer quietly, be blameless, submit to your husband as long as you don’t sin, so that you can be the one that saves your husband without a word.

    Impossible. There is no way that I could ever be perfect like Jesus. No way that I could ever save my husband by letting him abuse me. Why are you placing me to a standard that no other human is expected to meet, except a believing wife? And when I brought these concerns to the pastor, I was told that I was angry and bitter, and no wonder my husband was abusive to me.

    • Jeff Crippen

      Jennibear- Yes, victims get hit with this nonsense all the time. I am glad the question was asked so I could clarify. Maybe I will move my clarification up into the post just to be sure everyone sees it. Thank you.

  3. cindy burrell

    Thank you for posting this, Jeff. So many women who find my ministry struggle with this, and I will eagerly recommend this commentary to them. You made the dynamic so clear here.

    Thanks again.

    Cindy

  4. His beloved

    Thank you for this post. I have thought this through and have come to the same conclusion. And I have found that sharing in the fellowship of His sufferings has brought the blessing of deep intimacy with the Lord, and I am profoundly grateful for that.
    But I do have one question. I have had well meaning Christians imply that I should have been quiet about the abuse as Christ was- “and He said not a word” “as the sheep is before the shearers.” etc etc. Although they did support a separation (not a divorce) because they understood that my X was an abuser, they felt that I should not say anything to anyone or talk about what he did. I have felt that we are to “expose the works of darkness” and that even Paul named deceivers by name. Yet Jesus did not do that. (But Jesus CAME to suffer and die- we victims were not born for that!)
    Any thoughts?

    • Jeff Crippen

      Good question, His Beloved – This is a common error that lays guilt on abuse victims and puts them in danger. WE are not Jesus Christ. OUR suffering is not redemptive for sin. Jesus went up to Jerusalem to suffer and die at the hands of the wicked, intentionally. To become a curse for us. To redeem us. He could have stopped it all at any point, but he didn’t. Because he HAD to suffer and die if we were to be redeemed. So when people pull this business on us of “well, you must just patiently suffer at the hands of your abuser like Jesus did,” they are actually degrading the Cross. Christ’s suffering and death is UNIQUE. He alone redeems. This notion that we are little christs who are capable then, by our suffering, to redeem the wicked, is to really trample underfoot the Son of God.

      • Brenda R

        Amen, JeffC. That is what I was thinking while reading this post. Jesus died willingly for me, to become my Savior. I cannot die for anyones sins. Christ alone is the only one who could do that. He was abused an reacted perfectly to it. He was not made crazy or any of the other affects of abuse that we here suffer. He knows exactly what we are going through. He chose to stay for a purpose. He helped me to choose not to. Praise His name.

      • His beloved

        Yes!! You have expressed so clearly what I was thinking was the correct understanding. Jesus became a curse for us- that is so clear.
        I do find it so illuminating that so many of us have heard the same garbage- methinks it all comes from the same source, just through different mouths.
        Thanks!

  5. lauralee

    Could it be that His abuse was evident to all? It wasn’t done behind closed doors but in front of others, in a public settings. Just a thought.

    • Jeff Crippen

      That is a good point lauralee. “These things were not done in secret” as the apostles later reminded the Jews. The cross was on a hill.

      • bluesinaminor

        my understanding (correct me if I’m wrong Jeff) was that Jesus being silent before his accuses means he didn’t officially defend himself to those accusing him in order to be released. i don’t think it can be applied to not telling your friends/family/counsellors about what has happened to you. We know Jesus discussed his treatment (in an historical context) with his disciples – isn’t that what they were doing on the road to Emmaus? He didn’t tell all the victims of the financial abuse at the temple to just keep taking it and keep quiet. He created a ruckus.

      • Jesus being silent before his accusers means he didn’t officially defend himself to those accusing him in order to be released.

        Yes, true. But while he didn’t officially defend himself before the High Priest or Pilate or Herod, he had spent a great deal of time prior to his official trial accusing the scribes, Pharisees and assorted hypocrites of their skullduggery and defending himself against their false accusations. Prissy Christians like to quote the ‘he was silent as a lamb led to the slaughter’ verse to wag the finger at Christians who report being abused, but they conveniently skid over all those other parts where Jesus defended himself against accusations of blasphemy and tore strips off the hypocrites.

      • He created a ruckus.

        And if he did that in many of today’s churches, he’d be excommunicated.

      • Brenda R

        You know that’s right!!!

      • norma jean

        Many times it says in the Gospels that “it was not yet his time”. The Passover was “his time” to allow truth to be revealed. Wisdom.

  6. MeganC

    Oh, Jeff, thank you. I cannot tell you how much I needed this today.

  7. loves6

    I have only named my situation this year as emotionally and verbally abusive. It has been a huge thing for me to come to terms with. I have had two councellors tell me such this year.. It’s been 8 months and im working on getting stronger so I can take the steps needed.
    My husband is a ‘nice guy’. He has certainly got people seeing me as the needy one with depression and suffering breakdowns…he’s the guy that has stuck it out with me and supported me through it all – he has been the martyr. The thing is he and two of our children are a huge part of the reason these things happened. He has allowed these two children to verbal assault me, criticise me etc. My spirit has been broken severely.
    We were in a strict fundamental church for 26yrs where he was a very valued member and highly regarded but I was black marked for being emotional and not close to God. I suffered spiritual and emotional abuse there and my husband never protected me.
    Our pastor at this church would never have believed me if I told him what was going on….he would have disciplined me and told me to get myself sorted out.
    I feel like I live in a prison. Im feel oppressed . My personality is snuffed out, when I am
    my out going self I often get into trouble like a child. I live in fear and confusion alot of the time. At the moment he is very sweet to me after I told him on Monday I carnt live like this anymore. I got an apology in the early hours of the morning for his intimidating behavior. Im not convinced but will go along with the sherade for a while to get peace.
    God is slowly healing me as I bravely step out and tell certain people what I deal with and i start to be me and live as God wants me to.
    God has my back and is watching over me. I get comfort from His word and I know beyond a shadow of doubt that I will be freed one day from my task masters.
    I thank God for people such as yourselves that are willing to speak up about this topic

    • Brenda R

      Lydia, It is a jolt to the system to realize what you have been living through. I know that you will get stronger day by day with God’s help now that you realize what is going on. It won’t be nearly as easy for him to play his games. You will get you back. It will take time. The Lord and I are working on me little by little. Some days are very good others not so good, but that’s ok. Jesus loves me and you just as we are. I will be praying for you as you make the decisions necessary for your safety and sanity.

    • Jeff Crippen

      Loves6 — Welcome! So glad you found us, and thank you for telling us that part of your story. Isn’t it amazing, how common it is to first come to grips with that little word, “abuse”? But the lights are coming on for you. Please check our resources page for some things that we highly recommend you read and which will surely help you. If it is safe for you to do so and ONLY if you desire, you may email us at swordtrowel@gmail.com and give us an address that we can send a book to you at, free of charge. If it isn’t safe to do so, we understand. The books we recommend are available on Amazon as well. We are always interested in the stories of abuse victims, and I am particularly interested in the abuse victim’s experiences in strict fundamental churches like you describe. We hope to keep hearing from you and may the Lord bless and keep you.

    • thepersistentwidow

      Loves6, I am so glad that you are here and I’ll be praying for you.

    • Welcome Loves6 🙂
      hugs to you. Glad you’ve joined our little fog-busting community.

    • Heather2

      Oh Lydia, I can relate to you. I remember when I looked up the term ‘gas lighting’ and I realized that I could relate to it. I also was married to the nicest guy in the world, who never had my back, never protected me from mouthy and disrespectful teenagers, but who also had been unfaithful. He never truly repented of his sins and I continued to cover them. As The Lord began to lift the fog I was thrust into a spiritual battle. I made some poor choices at the time because I was only beginning to see, but not understand. It takes a long time. Like Brenda said, we have good days and not so good days. But we inch forward. It’s hard to admit abuse, even harder to label someone you love and have been committed to. But the truth is you have been abused by the one you love.

      One thing to keep in mind is that most if us received terrible treatment from our churches. You must not, under any circumstances, listen to them. Flee! I cannot emphasize that enough. If you don’t you will find yourself more confused, more crazy, and stuck in more bondage and darkness. Stay close to your Savior. He alone will carry you through this.

      We are happy you found us. I pray you will find us a place where you can share your burdens and pain, and find some peace.

  8. UPDATE Sept 2021: I have come to believe that Jeff Crippen does not practise what he preaches. He vilely persecuted an abuse victim and spiritually abused many other people in the Tillamook congregation. Go here to read the evidence. Jeff has not gone to the people that he spiritually and emotionally abused. He has not apologised to them, let alone asked for their forgiveness.

    ***

    Good post Jeff. Yes, Jesus knows about abuse and suffering from first hand experience, and he also knows what it is like to be abandoned and betrayed by your supporters and friends (Peter… the cock crowing. . . and Jesus’ ever so poignant look into Peter’s eyes right then). I’ve identified with Peter in that story, and other times I’ve identified with Jesus. Thank God He understands all our suffering. It takes some of the sting away, when I reach out for His hand and share my suffering with Him. It doesn’t remove all the pain, but it makes it bearable.

    And yes, Jesus suffered to set us free from the eternal penalty of sin; our suffering can never do that. Let us leave that to Him, since He has capably done it already. Let us walk in the freedom which Christ bought for us.

  9. Forrest

    I think we need to be careful where we go with this topic. Not all abuse victims are Christians, so to identify the victim with The Lord can delegitimise those victims who are not Christians. Abusers abuse their victims because they choose to abuse, not because their victim is a believer. Sometimes churches participate in and (perhaps inadvertently) support that abuse.

    • That’s a good reminder, Forrest. Although most of the readers who comment here are Christians, there are some who may not be, and there may be people reading but not commenting who are not of the Christian faith. Thanks for keeping us balanced. 🙂

      • Forrest

        Spiritual abuse is not restricted to any one faith. It is just another sign that man is attempting to run things his own way.

  10. Forrest

    Being a real Christian and an abuser are incompatible. Loving somebody and abusing them are also incompatible. It is important to look at the actions rather than the words.

    • Sarah

      Thanks, everyone. I will definitely read Barbara’s book, and view those lectures. While perusing the posts here I already saw Barbara’s views regarding the Westminster Confession, and I think her reasoning is excellent and very courageous.

  11. Sarah

    Have you ever run into an abuser who is a genuine Christian and loves his wife dearly? I think this is true of my husband. He adores me, but he has that attitude you describe as “entitled” to be angry. I’ve spent 24 years being scared, and I’ve made myself live in perfect self control of face and words and tone of voice so that I wouldn’t provoke him. I have always thought divorce would be unbiblical in my case and that death would be my only way out. I’ve been very broken down for a long time.

    The good news is that for six months now my husband has been on very good behavior, since I finally told him I would leave if he wouldn’t control himself. This is about the 4th time in the marriage he has entered a time of repentance. I don’t know if it will last, just because his meanstreak seems built in to his makeup. If he regresses again, I will want to separate, but I doubt my elders would allow it. The reasoning will be that verbal and emotional battery aren’t grounds, and he is a Christian, who acknowleges his sin and wants to do better. The church would never be able to view him as an unbeliever, and neither would I. Have you encountered this before?

    • Barnabasintraining

      Sarah,

      Listen to the lecture series by Lundy Bancroft at this link. In one of these videos (Sorry, I forget which one, but I know it’s not the first one) he describes what an abuser’s definition of love is. He says how it is more like that of an object or thing and is about what gratification he gets from the object of his “love.”

      Links to Lundy Bancroft’s YouTube Lecture – Excellent

      • Barnabasintraining

        Thanks TWBTC!

      • TWBTC

        BIT, Thanks for the reminder of this excellent lecture series.

        Sarah, The lecture which contains the abuser’s definition of love is lecture 3 starting 1:38 into the lecture.

    • Katy

      Have you ever run into an abuser who is a genuine Christian and loves his wife dearly?
      Hi Sarah. No, I have never encountered a man who truly loves his wife, and yet can’t stop emotionally and verbally battering her.

      I’ve spent 24 years being scared, and I’ve made myself live in perfect self control of face and words and tone of voice so that I wouldn’t provoke him. I have always thought divorce would be unbiblical in my case and that death would be my only way out.

      This is not a picture of love. 24 years of walking on eggshells, working hard not to “provoke” his wickedness, is the exact opposite of love. There are many resources here. The scriptures do not give him grounds to abuse you this way. I too thought that divorce was not allowed, and being trapped with an abusive husband almost completely destroyed my Spirit and I could not have a true relationship with Christ while I was living in that bondage. Please check out Barbara’s book — Not Under Bondage.

      The good news is that for six months now my husband has been on very good behavior, since I finally told him I would leave if he wouldn’t control himself. This is about the 4th time in the marriage he has entered a time of repentance. I don’t know if it will last, just because his meanstreak seems built in to his makeup.

      It does not sound like true repentance. Do you still walk on eggshells? Can you state your opinions and thoughts and feelings freely? Are you still afraid? If you “bump” him, will he respond by thrashing you or will he give you freedom?

      The church would never be able to view him as an unbeliever, and neither would I. Have you encountered this before?

      The church is wrong. Many abusers pretend to be Christians, but by their fruit you shall know them. Habitual, repetitive abuse of your spouse is not the sign of a believer. Out of his heart, proceeds his words and actions – and his true nature.
      Men who sit in church on Sunday and then go home and hurt their wife with glee? Pastors who preach with full knowledge of the scriptures, and then go home and beat their families and bury themselves in pornography? no no no.

      • Brenda R

        I second everything Katy just said. From what I have heard you say Sarah, you are in denial. A man does not control his wife with his anger and cause her to be afraid for their entire married life. There is nothing Christian about that. He may put on a good front, but that is all it is. A person can have all of the head knowledge they can fit in their, but without heart knowledge of the Savior, he has nothing.

    • Hi Sarah, welcome to the blog 🙂 Several others have answered you very well already, so I don’t have much to add.
      Just this:

      He adores me, but he has that attitude you describe as “entitled” to be angry.

      Look at that sentence: the two things don’t fit together (this is called ‘cognitive dissonance’). I would suggest to you that he says he adores you, and he may do some things to make you think (for a while) that he truly means what he says, but if you look at the overall pattern of his behaviour, there are too many other things he says and does that belie his adoration. Given that you have been living in fear of him for 24 years, that is a very strong indicator that his “I adore you” is just a manipulative lie, and what he really adores is his own selfish needs and entitlements and having you meet them. In other words, his ‘love’ is instrumental, purpose driven and tailored to his own whims and preferences, rather than directed to making you feel reliably cherished, protected, valued and safe with him. And whenever he has ‘seemed’ to cherish or protect you, it may have been just a manipulative tactic to soften you and make you bend towards him again, so he could re-abuse you.

      I know. I hurts like crazy to consider this stuff, and to face it if it is reality. Stick with it, the universe will turn right way up if you keep reading and reaching out for support at places like this blog.

      BTW, you can read chapter one of my book for free here. [This link is broken and there is no replacement. Editors.]

      • His beloved

        I absolutely agree with what Barbara says about him “adoring” you. She describes my X to a tee. He “adored” me so well that everyone thought he was devoted to me. He adored me so much that he took care of me while I was bedridden for years- but the truth was that he was keeping me sick on purpose- to look like the servant.
        This is one PAINFUL process to sort all this out. For me, coming to believe that the one that I trusted, opened my heart to and believed the best about for 20 years was really not who I thought he was, and was actually manipulating me, was grueling. There are no words to describe the betrayal and shock and reeling and grief, or the disorienting experience of life switching between realities from “he’s not really that bad” to the the painful truth as you process this. But I encourage you to keep reading and stick with the process. There is life after all this and it is good!!!! and sane!

      • Brenda R

        His beloved, I can’t even imagine what it was like to come to this reality. Words fail me other than there will be a reckoning. He will have to one day stand before God and I can’t imagine it will be pretty. My heart, hugs and prayers go out to you.

    • BTW Sarah, we already have another lady who comments at the blog who uses the screen name Sarah. So maybe you would like to use the name Sarah2, or something else. Just reply here if you want us to change your screen name, as we can easily to that from the back of the blog. Or else email me barbara@notunderbondage.com if you want to talk it over by email.

      • His beloved

        Thank you Brenda.
        The amazing part as I look back was that I also lost my closest friends – they sided with my charming, nice X. But now I have the Lord as my all in all and it was worth it.
        My X is now in a new relationship (supported by my old friends) and I grieve for her. We’ve been divorced less than a year. He put an ad on Craig’s list for a Christian wife 5 weeks after the divorce was final!! Words fail me………

      • Brenda R

        His Beloved,
        They were not friends. I wasn’t allowed to have any of those, so that wasn’t an issue for me. For 3 years before I left I came to rely on God so much more than I ever had. Whenever I feel alone I spend all the more time with Him. I have been separated for 6 months and divorce for less than a month. X started “seeing” his X within 2 weeks of my leaving and her car can be seen at my X-home several nights a week. Oh believe me, folks are only too willing to inform even when you don’t want to know. Even though I have no intention of going back, it still hurts that he would do that. I have no sympathy for X whatsoever. She’s been there and done that. If she thinks he has changed, she is in for a rude awakening. It has only proved to me that he just needs someone to supply his needs. It doesn’t matter who it is.

  12. His beloved

    Yes, it does hurt — even when we have no intention of going back. Even though in my head I get it about who he is, it still hurts that I meant so little and was so expendable, and was just a “supply” for his narcissism.
    I’m glad I hurt- that means I have a heart- which is more than I can say for him.

    • Brenda R

      Amen, HB, Amen.

  13. Jean Marie

    Great post! This part really hit me. “the enemy is going to attack genuine children of God today in the very same ways he attacked Jesus. The grievous thing is that so many Christians and church leaders today seem totally oblivious to this obvious fact. “

  14. Sarah2

    I’m reading Lundy’s book now, and I’m stunned. The love is part of it! The love is the piece that lets him get away with everything. The light is dawning. And my illness, which is chronic and progressive, is another important piece. I’m always obligated to be thankful for how sweet he is to take care of me. I always thought my husband’s intense blend of love and meanness meant he was very unusual. Now I’m starting to get it – he’s typical!

    • Brenda R

      Sarah2,

      I’m not sure which of Lundy’s books you are reading. I just finished the Verbally Abusive Man Can He Change. Your husband is not unusual, but I sure hope that his behavior is less than typical. That would leave us all without any hope. I know MeganC can’t say enough good about her husband and Barb speaks kindly of hers,so they are out there. I just hope they didn’t get them both. : ) Unfortunately, there are many out there that are not so good.

      I also have a chronic illness and was made to feel obligated to X for taking care of me. I thought it just came with the territory. You know, the whole in sickness and in health thing. When he had open heart surgery, I just did whatever he needed without expecting a thank you every time I did something for him, not so when I got sick. A week after I had surgery last year, he resorted to immoral sexual behavior and his reasoning was because he didn’t have a wife that was there for his needs. I found that I would prefer taking care of myself and that is exactly what I am doing now. Without him in my living space, I seem not to feel nearly as bad–less stress and can rest when I need to.

  15. Kathy

    Well . . .can’t say I wasn’t warned.
    I shared this post with a “Christian friend” I’ve known over two years.
    I was immediately bashed and told this is “crap” and “garbage” and that I am denying Christ.
    She then cut off all ties.

    I felt the sting of hurt . . .almost more difficult to get over and to forgive than the abuses or illness. I’ve been so hurt by clergy and this type of “friend” that I have been unable to step foot into a church for ten years. I don’t see that changing. . .

    I am grateful to have found this site! I know God did lead me here . . .It just may take me awhile. I have many hills to climb.

    Thank you, all for each of your prayers! ❤

    Kindly,
    Kathy

    • Jeff Crippen

      Glad you are here too, Kathy! And we are all climbing.

    • Kathy, I relate to this. In my experience, the pain of the injury from the secondary abusers (the ones we went to for help and support, who gave us contempt and disbelief instead) can be more painful than the pain of the injuries from the primary abuser. I think it’s because we had our hopes up in expectation of succour. And they **ought** to show us love, oughtn’t they? Because they’re Christians! (Aren’t they??????? ) So we were not ‘wrong’ to expect help from them. Hey, the church and all those books always tell us to consult a pastor or leader or wise Christian when we need help . . .

      Hmmm

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