VictimFocus — Dr Jessica Taylor’s website

15 thoughts on “VictimFocus — Dr Jessica Taylor’s website”

1. Excellent posts which definitely did whet my appetite for more! Wow, so much to mull over.

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   1. Gany T.,

      You wrote (7th August 2023):

      Excellent posts which definitely did whet my appetite for more!

      (The bold was done by me.)

      That, although I found Dr. Jessica Taylor’s article Why grooming is so hard to spot: The truth “twisted” the word “grooming”. While I can understand what she means, I can also see how her article can be used by different people in less than helpful ways, and I can also see how people who are trying to teach the positive things that others need to learn might stop teaching those things that people need to learn. (Intentionally omitting a lengthy list of examples. 😊)

      Personally, I prefer Jimmy Hinton’s use of the word “testing”….Dr. Taylor’s use of the word “grooming” can be used in almost every aspect of life, and used both positively and / or negatively. Essentially, Dr. Taylor’s use of the word “grooming” becomes almost meaningless.

      I did, however, read another of Dr. Taylor’s blog article that I really liked 😊: Positive thinking phrases you should never use about abuse [Internet Archive link]

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      1. Thanks, Finding Answers.

         “Grooming” vs “Testing”. I’m going to ponder the pros and cons of each of those terms.

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      2. I’ve decided to draft a post about the terms “grooming” and “testing”. Don Hennessy uses “grooming” for the way the abuser mind-controls the target woman AND the professionals and bystanders who seek to help abused women. Jimmy Hinton has used the term “grooming” but he also uses the term “testing”.

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      3. Barb,

         Your wrote (11th August 2023):

         Don Hennessy uses “grooming” for the way the abuser mind-controls the target woman AND the professionals and bystanders who seek to help abused women. Jimmy Hinton has used the term “grooming” but he also uses the term “testing”.

         I don’t really use either of the words (“grooming” and “testing”)….I understand their use….and so much depends on the context, the people involved in the conversation, the circumstances, etc. For people who haven’t heard of either word used in the context of abuse, but who understand abuse, I wonder what words they use….

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      4. Adding on to my comment of 8th August 2023….

         I just finished reading a REALLY good article — Transforming Public Perceptions of VAWG [Violence Against Women and Girls] [Internet Archive link] — of Dr. Jessica Taylor’s from her blog….

         From Dr. Taylor’s article, Transforming Public Perceptions of VAWG (and this quoted section made me laugh, and not in a positive way):

         In 2014, after a long day managing a rape and domestic abuse centre, I nipped to my local shop to get some bread. The woman who always served me on the counter noticed that I looked particularly tired and troubled. She asked me if I was okay, and I responded that I had had a difficult day at work. She asked the question I often dread being asked in public, “What is it that you do then?”

         I tried to dodge the question by saying that I managed a charity, but she probed and eventually I told her that I worked in a rape and domestic abuse centre in our town.

         The woman gave me the most extraordinary look. It wasn’t sadness, or pity, or shock — it looked like confusion. She laughed. And then she said the words:

         “Well! You mustn’t be very busy then, must you?”

         I stared at her, thinking of the 357-strong waiting list we had for counselling and support services.

         “What do you mean?” I replied.

         “Well, you know, all that rape and abuse stuff, it doesn’t happen around here does it? You can’t be very busy….”

         And that was when I realised she was being serious. She genuinely believed that my job must be very quiet because rape and abuse of women and girls was so rare. I nodded at her, and let her continue her shift thinking that I ran this empty, quiet, unneeded rape centre in a town where the abuse of women and girls never happens. Where me and my counsellors just sit around and play dominoes for want of something to do.

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2. Thank you, Finding Answers, for your comments on the first article listed above, and I agree with your conclusion that:

   ….Dr. Taylor’s use of the word “grooming” becomes almost meaningless.

   I read several of her other articles, including the one you linked to, and even while in-process of becoming acquainted with her work, found her perspective on the use of the term “grooming” puzzling (in light of other, what I considered great, articles). Hmm.

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   1. Gany T.,

      You wrote (9th August 2023):

      even while in-process of becoming acquainted with her work, found her perspective on the use of the term “grooming” puzzling (in light of other, what I considered great, articles).

      That.

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3. SO much food for thought, and then some! I have read the grooming link. These are the parts that stood out to me the most!

   As you can see, the process of grooming is about the manipulation, persuasion and control of humans. It is not specific to sexual offences at all.

   Statistically, many of us have been abused, so we will have been groomed by an abuser. However, the rest of us have been groomed in other ways that we have not noticed or understood. Further, most of us have groomed another person into doing something we wanted them to do.

   Grooming has been used to manipulate you every single day since you were born….You were groomed for your entire childhood, by everyone around you. No one escaped this process.

   This is why you can’t spot the signs of grooming. Because it is happening to you 24 / 7. Because society is built on grooming and groomers.

   Even you have groomed someone, at some point.

   I spend significant amounts of my time showing professionals and leaders that their ‘rapport building’ process is the same process that a perpetrator uses to abuse and groom victims.

   They can feel you grooming them. They don’t like it….They don’t trust you, because you mirror the abuser…The brain remembers the feeling. Remembers the betrayal and the manipulation.

   Why? I have one main reason for arguing this point: Because it reduces self-blame.

   Many victims of abuse question themselves and ask, “How didn’t I spot it? Why didn’t I know? How could I be so stupid?” You’re not stupid, you’re normal.

   Professionals are no better at spotting the signs of grooming than the general public are, hence why professionals are just as likely to be in abusive relationships as anyone else.

   Uhuh, so we can’t spot it, but we think 10 year old Kacy can, if she just does this worksheet and watches this video. Got it.

   My final point is about the huge injustice in expecting people (mainly women and children) to be able to spot the signs of grooming and then exit that process as if there is no power dynamic.

   It is wholly unfair to expect anyone to be able to spot grooming for abuse, when it simply mirrors every other grooming process in the world.

   We can’t tackle something if we can’t even see the scale of it.

   I had to cut down certain parts so that this comment didn’t go on forever! But I had SO many corresponding and connecting thoughts to hers; ways I do believe I’ve been groomed, groomed others AND been around “professionals” who behaved like abusive groomers — I don’t even know where to start.

   But probably one of the BIGGEST is along the lines of physical appearance. That started as far back as I can remember. I was one of the few non-white persons in my school and community in general, so I stood out. I was badly bullied for having a “funny sounding” name (easy for kids to exploit), and I was not considered pretty, popular or fashionable with my hair or clothing. I lacked social skills and confidence and didn’t have any strong talents. I was an easy target.

   Based on those conditions, I had no real worth. I was exploitable and expendable. At home, I now wonder if I was abused so badly because I “looked” so badly, both inside AND out. Even among people of my color, I STILL stood out and felt isolated and excluded.

   Beauty standards are absolutely groomed into us, around us, and by us. If I showed you pictures of myself from that time, you might be mortified that I was treated so brutally. OR, you may look at those considered pretty and popular, and not understand why they were treated so desirably.

   I honestly think it is harder on girls / women than it is on boys / men, although I do not want to minimize the short and long term consequences of ANY kind of and level of grooming. By virtue of our genetics, there just seems to be a lot more to work with. A lot more “areas” to idolize and demonize, elevate and demean, raise up and pull down. From when we start our monthly cycles, wear bras, start wearing makeup, dating boys, physical and academic prowess, what is and isn’t considered ambitious and accomplishing started to cement in us from the time we started to walk and talk (and that also spoke volumes! IS this child starting out as “inferior” or “superior” to others?).

   Forget about feeling ugly on the inside, feeling useless is just as “installed” at an early age. I have spent most of my life trying to undo all of that, and now I realize how much I too perpetuated what caused me so much suffering. I followed along / mimicked whatever was considered “normal” and labeled myself as “abnormal” accordingly, but I also applied those unrealistic standards to others.

   Fast forward to my profession of Christ and how others around me professed Him, and well, we’d need just a FEW volumes to unpack all that I could pack into that! As as well as being “groomed” and “grooming” others when it came to serious subjects like gender, marriage and / or authority dynamics within the church and body of Christ in general. I professed certain (what I now consider to be) ungodly, un-Biblical attitudes to others that I now wish I had bitten my tongue, or frankly, cut it off entirely!

   Separating myself from all of that is one thing, but letting the Lord truly transform me by renewing my mind (to THINK like He does) is quite another. THAT is a lifelong process that has nothing do with grooming, everything to do with growing.

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   1. Helovesme,

      I’ve read and re-read and re-read your comment of 24th September 2023 😊 ….I was in the process of doing my usual cut-and-paste….replying to you….highlighting things that stood out to me….I changed my mind because I couldn’t find an adequate way of expressing what I feel in my heart for you as I read your comment….perhaps empathy is the closest word I can find. 😊

      You wrote:

      letting the Lord truly transform me by renewing my mind (to THINK like He does) is….a lifelong process that has nothing do with grooming, everything to do with growing.

      That.

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      1. Thank you so much for your kind words and amazing compassion! It was not an easy comment to write; reliving even an iota of those memories definitely took some effort. I try to not jump onto a “bandwagon” of sorts when I read someone’s writing — automatically agreeing with everything they say — but that blog had confirmed so much of what I have suspected, and helped fill in some gaps as well. I am still listening and learning on this issue, so it is still a process as well. I don’t have it all figured out; I don’t think anyone does!

         To be sure, I do not think she ever meant to suggest that it is a “grooming” technique (in a bad way) to say, teach kids basic manners and do’s and don’ts! One thing I think Barb has mentioned is to use common-sense theology, and this woman did not come across like she was supporting neglecting certain necessities when it comes to how we treat each other; how we raise children to show basic respect to others. I would say that could be defined as “installing” proper beliefs and behaviors: every human being has equal worth, and every human being deserves to be treated with equal worth.

         When it comes to being abused, THAT is a much different arena. I would almost use a strong word like “brainwashing” to describe how I experienced being abused. But “grooming” also feels inclusive; especially since I was so young when the abuse started. “Grooming” makes me think of “getting ready” for something. Example: going out to a party means you “groom” yourself appropriately before the event. There are certain preparations that are expected before you are allowed to attend. You may bathe, pick an outfit, fix your hair and paint your face so that you “look” the part as a partygoer. Your behaviors are likely “put in place” as well: be polite, inclusive, respectful, enjoyable to be around. Only then are you actually ready to “play the part” in interacting with guests.

         Since children are especially impressionable, perhaps being groomed can be likened to playing “dress up”. It did feel like I was being “set up” to be victimized, many times over. I was “dressed up” as being deserving of abuse — often times as a scapegoat. Think of it like hitting a piñata over and over again. Actual piñatas do not react to being whacked at over and over again, but imagine a human being in that scenario. You prepare yourself to duck or dodge the blows.

         Back to the party scenario, maybe you don’t want to go to the party, but you have to for some reason. So you may look the part, act the part, but inside, you are miserable and just want to be alone. Or, you’d rather be with other people, or somewhere else. But you “groomed” yourself because you had to, or you couldn’t find a way to get out of it. That is a good way to describe it for my own experiences: I was “groomed” to be a target, the bullies had been “groomed” to find a target; so I tried to push the stomach churning anxiety as far down as possible. I tried to compose a flat, expressionless face that would not react to the name calling or humiliations.

         There are WAY too many examples of how abusers “brainwash” their victims into believing in their lies, but here is one that I think is the strongest: that you are not only not lovable, but you are easily loathsome. So not only can no one (including the Lord, potentially) NOT love you, it is so EASY to loathe you. The abuse is simply a “natural” reaction to your high level of loathsomeness. Make yourself more lovable, perhaps your abuser (and his allies) will find it easier to love you; harder to NOT loathe you.

         I am in my late 40s and have experienced so much rejection that that notion is still very much ingrained in me. Disclaimer: I won’t deny areas of which I was clearly at fault and / or played a part in being at fault. I do believe the Lord’s love for me is distinctly sacred, but I also find myself begging Him to please not end up loathing me like the others.

         However, I got a miniscule glimpse of wisdom when it comes to real love, when it came to my late angel fur baby. First of all, don’t assume that he was “easy” to love because he was so irresistibly adorable. Being lovely to look at does not create a loving bond. Being endearing does not create an enduring bond.

         Okay, go past the looks. He must have been easy to train, especially from 6 weeks old, so his obedient behaviors must have “eased” me into him being easy to love? Long story, and while he was a WONDERFUL fur baby, words like “obedient” and “disciplined” aren’t the first words that come to mind. Words like: loud and proud, sweet and stubborn, troublemaker and peacemaker come to mind.

         I kept wanting to give him back when we first brought him home. He was more of a handful than I had expected, and it didn’t necessarily get any easier as time went on! I was both immature and inexperienced with fur babies, so that likely played a part in my many missteps and misgivings.

         Why did I keep him? I just did. Why did I love him? I just DID. I wanted to. I didn’t HAVE to; there were available options to give him back. He ended up giving so much; I could not imagine giving him up.

         I had no idea adopting him would change my life as it has. I picture the Lord saying: never saw that coming, did you? And I can clearly say: not for a moment, never did! I did know how much he would teach me about love, BUT it was not because he was so lovable. And while he WAS irresistibly good looking, that is NOT the same thing as being irresistibly lovable. He had MANY times of being infuriating during his life, but he became indispensable to me in my life.

         For the human victims that were groomed to believe they were easily unlovable and therefore easily dispensable, my non-human beagle can debunk all of that and more. I used to say to my boy: you’re the best dog in the world! Why? Because you are MY dog. We are loved by the Lord because we are His. Why does He love us? Why WOULD He even love us? He just DOES. He just WANTS to. It has nothing to do with us and everything to do with Him.

         My husband used to say to him: “what a good dog. Such a good dog.” And his face would light up. Why? Because it was his dog Dad that told him that, so he believed him. And my husband would tell him that to ENCOURAGE him to be good, not necessarily because he was being good at the time, or was “always” good. If the Lord’s love lives in you, His goodness lives in you, too. There is real power in that love to lead us to live out that goodness.

         This isn’t the Lord “grooming” us in order to teach us “certain good manners or good behaviors” (which isn’t a bad thing!). But this is not about being taught how to treat others, this is about being taught how to treat ourselves. This is something you grow out of (being hated as your abuser demanded you do) and grow into (being loved because the Lord commanded you to).

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      2. Helovesme,

         You wrote (1st October 2023):

         To be sure, I do not think she ever meant to suggest that it is a “grooming” technique (in a bad way) to say, teach kids basic manners and do’s and don’ts! One thing I think Barb has mentioned is to use common-sense theology, and this woman did not come across like she was supporting neglecting certain necessities when it comes to how we treat each other; how we raise children to show basic respect to others. I would say that could be defined as “installing” proper beliefs and behaviors: every human being has equal worth, and every human being deserves to be treated with equal worth.

         I love the way you wrote your comment, Helovseme 😊 ….it’s too bad your comment couldn’t be added on as a caveat or clarification to Dr. Jessica Taylor’s article Why grooming is so hard to spot: The truth. 😊

         You wrote:

         When it comes to being abused, THAT is a much different arena. I would almost use a strong word like “brainwashing” to describe how I experienced being abused. But “grooming” also feels inclusive; especially since I was so young when the abuse started. “Grooming” makes me think of “getting ready” for something. Example: going out to a party means you “groom” yourself appropriately before the event. There are certain preparations that are expected before you are allowed to attend. You may bathe, pick an outfit, fix your hair and paint your face so that you “look” the part as a partygoer. Your behaviors are likely “put in place” as well: be polite, inclusive, respectful, enjoyable to be around. Only then are you actually ready to “play the part” in interacting with guests.

         I love your comment, Helovesme….especially the part about grooming. It’s too bad there wasn’t some kind of dictionary with explanations of different people’s own (conscious or unconscious) definitions of words like “grooming”. I know the idea is pretty much impossible — from what you wrote, grooming can be both really positive and really negative 😊 ….yet oftentimes, only one side is presented. Which gets back to the earlier part of your comment I quoted, where you wrote: “One thing I think Barb has mentioned is to use common-sense theology”.

         You wrote:

         Since children are especially impressionable, perhaps being groomed can be likened to playing “dress up”. It did feel like I was being “set up” to be victimized, many times over. I was “dressed up” as being deserving of abuse — often times as a scapegoat. Think of it like hitting a piñata over and over again. Actual piñatas do not react to being whacked at over and over again, but imagine a human being in that scenario. You prepare yourself to duck or dodge the blows.

         I love the way you wrote your comment, Helovesme 😊 ….and I’m so sorry what happened to you. 😢 And not to devalue you or your experience, Helovesme, nor to cause you any offence or hurt or pain….some children don’t have any negative experiences of playing dress up. And your piñata description was excellent! 😊

         You wrote:

         Back to the party scenario, maybe you don’t want to go to the party, but you have to for some reason. So you may look the part, act the part, but inside, you are miserable and just want to be alone. Or, you’d rather be with other people, or somewhere else. But you “groomed” yourself because you had to, or you couldn’t find a way to get out of it.

         Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt….I could’ve stocked a VERY large store. 😊

         You wrote:

         Back to the party scenario, maybe you don’t want to go to the party, but you have to for some reason. So you may look the part, act the part, but inside, you are miserable and just want to be alone. Or, you’d rather be with other people, or somewhere else. But you “groomed” yourself because you had to, or you couldn’t find a way to get out of it. That is a good way to describe it for my own experiences: I was “groomed” to be a target, the bullies had been “groomed” to find a target; so I tried to push the stomach churning anxiety as far down as possible. I tried to compose a flat, expressionless face that would not react to the name calling or humiliations.

         I’m so sorry that happened to you, Helovesme. 😢

         You wrote:

         There are WAY too many examples of how abusers “brainwash” their victims into believing in their lies

         That.

         You wrote:

         There are WAY too many examples of how abusers “brainwash” their victims into believing in their lies, but here is one that I think is the strongest: that you are not only not lovable, but you are easily loathsome. So not only can no one (including the Lord, potentially) NOT love you, it is so EASY to loathe you. The abuse is simply a “natural” reaction to your high level of loathsomeness. Make yourself more lovable, perhaps your abuser (and his allies) will find it easier to love you; harder to NOT loathe you.

         I love the way you wrote your comment, Helovesme 😊 ….I wonder….if some of the churches (and almost all of the “churches”) read this, would they be able to see how they’ve twisted Scripture?

         You wrote:

         I am in my late 40s and have experienced so much rejection that that notion is still very much ingrained in me. Disclaimer: I won’t deny areas of which I was clearly at fault and / or played a part in being at fault. I do believe the Lord’s love for me is distinctly sacred, but I also find myself begging Him to please not end up loathing me like the others.

         I’m so, so sorry, Helovesme….and I know my writing that I’ve never rejected you won’t make up for what is still in ingrained in you….and I’m not intending to sound like a “Pious Platitude” when I write that Jesus does NOT loathe you, that Jesus loves you. And Jesus chose you with love….He didn’t choose you because He “had” to….

         I’m intentionally omitting quoting about your fur baby, Helovesme….I’d rather leave it for others to read separately from my comment….as always, your fur baby story touched my heart….

         You wrote:

         For the human victims that were groomed to believe they were easily unlovable and therefore easily dispensable, my non-human beagle can debunk all of that and more. I used to say to my boy: you’re the best dog in the world! Why? Because you are MY dog. We are loved by the Lord because we are His. Why does He love us? Why WOULD He even love us? He just DOES. He just WANTS to. It has nothing to do with us and everything to do with Him.

         (The bold was done by me.)

         That.

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      3. Thank you, Finding Answers, for your yet again, wonderful encouragement and kind words! While I don’t expect anyone to read, much less reply, it certainly means a LOT when that happens!

         You wrote:

         It’s too bad there wasn’t some kind of dictionary with explanations of different people’s own (conscious or unconscious) definitions of words like “grooming”.

         That’s an excellent point! When I first discovered ACFJ, it was the first time I think I ever saw an actual definition of “abuse”. I’ve made that point to others as often as possible; that you have to know what you are fighting in order to be fighting effectively. I direct them to ACFJ’s definition as a place to start; to get an idea of what abuse really consists of. It is fair to wonder if many people even realize they are or once were being abused, because there was no concrete description to rely on.

         ALSO, abuse has become widely normalized, especially within the (institution of) the church. For those who are the true members of the body of Christ, I’d like to think abuse is viewed as about as abnormal and ugly as intended.

         You wrote:

         And not to devalue you or your experience, Helovesme, nor to cause you any offence or hurt or pain….some children don’t have any negative experiences of playing dress up.

         No, you didn’t cause one iota of offense!! But thank you for looking out for my potential feelings. In America, Halloween is a BIG deal for kids. Where you wear a costume, as a favorite character or real life person. It is the ultimate way to play “dress up” for a day. It also encouraged kids to get creative.

         Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt….I could’ve stocked a VERY large store. 😊

         Same here! I was terribly lonely growing up, but many times I preferred to be alone rather than trying to imitate and / or impress people — trying to act and appear normal when inside, I’m sobbing and saddened beyond words. Being social was a Herculean task that I felt forced into non-stop. Worst of all, not only was I not allowed to “be myself”, but even with my best efforts I usually embarrassed myself by trying so hard to fit in.

         You wrote:

         I’m so, so sorry, Helovesme….and I know my writing that I’ve never rejected you won’t make up for what is still in ingrained in you….and I’m not intending to sound like a “Pious Platitude” when I write that Jesus does NOT loathe you, that Jesus loves you.

         It’s not a Pious Platitude at all! I so appreciate the reminder from someone else!

         Adding on to my words from before:

         We are loved by the Lord because we are His. Why does He love us? Why WOULD He even love us? He just DOES. He just WANTS to. It has nothing to do with us and everything to do with Him.

         I spent YEARS wondering why my main abuser, my father, not only did NOT love me, but also seemed to actively hate me. I am sure I am not the only one who struggled to understand this. After I became a Christian, I got the idea from professing Christians around me, that my abuser needed salvation in order to NOT abuse me; NOT hate me. He was a slave to sin and that was why I needed to be a witness to him. Being victimized by him was shoved to the back burner, or entirely off the stove, so he could be witnessed to. Since I am not white, the “cultural” aspect of his abuse demeaned the fullness of his guilt, which also demeaned the fullness of my pain.

         Okay, there’s a lot of impracticalities AND impossibilities with that narrative. First of all, not all non-Christians are abusers! While we are all born into sin, we DO choose our sins. As for the cultural aspect, not every single person who is from the country I am from, abuses their children. It may be “sanctioned”, even “normalized”, by whatever environment you are raised in, but that STILL does not guarantee that you take that permission that is being handed to you.

         Why did my abuser hate me? He just DID. Why would he hate me? He just DOES. Why would he even want to hate me? He just WANTS to. It has nothing to do with me and everything to do with him.

         Even as I type that, I still resist its truthfulness. I am still fighting the grooming that was inflicted on me and still fighting to embrace the growing that I seek to be identified with.

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      4. Helovesme,

         You wrote (8th October 2023):

         It is fair to wonder if many people even realize they are or once were being abused, because there was no concrete description to rely on.

         That.

         You wrote:

         abuse has become widely normalized, especially within the (institution of) the church.

         That.

         You wrote:

         In America, Halloween is a BIG deal for kids. Where you wear a costume, as a favorite character or real life person. It is the ultimate way to play “dress up” for a day. It also encouraged kids to get creative.

         That.

         I’d not even been thinking specifically of Halloween….and a lot of adults use Halloween as an opportunity to play “dress up” for a day. 😊 I’ve seen some adults with some really creative costumes. 😊

         You wrote:

         I was terribly lonely growing up, but many times I preferred to be alone rather than trying to imitate and / or impress people — trying to act and appear normal when inside, I’m sobbing and saddened beyond words. Being social was a Herculean task that I felt forced into non-stop. Worst of all, not only was I not allowed to “be myself”, but even with my best efforts I usually embarrassed myself by trying so hard to fit in.

         I’m so sorry, Helovesme 😢 ….I hope things are better for you now. 😊

         You wrote:

         I spent YEARS wondering why my….abuser….not only did NOT love me, but also seemed to actively hate me. I am sure I am not the only one who struggled to understand this.

         (The bold was done by me.)

         I’ve taken the liberty of modifying your above quote, Helovesme….now even more people can say (or write) “That!” when they read it. 😊

         You wrote:

         After I became a Christian, I got the idea from professing Christians around me, that my abuser needed salvation in order to NOT abuse me; NOT hate me. He was a slave to sin and that was why I needed to be a witness to him. Being victimized by him was shoved to the back burner, or entirely off the stove, so he could be witnessed to.

         I’m so sorry, Helovesme 😢 ….and what you write is so typical of most “churches”, and some churches as well.

         You wrote:

         Since I am not white, the “cultural” aspect of his abuse demeaned the fullness of his guilt, which also demeaned the fullness of my pain.

         I’m so sorry, Helovesme 😢 ….

         You wrote:

         First of all, not all non-Christians are abusers!….As for the cultural aspect, not every single person who is from….[a different religion]….abuses their children. It may be “sanctioned”, even “normalized”, by whatever environment you are raised in, but that STILL does not guarantee that you take that permission that is being handed to you.

         (The phrase “a different religion” in brackets was added by me.)

         That.

         You wrote:

         Why did my abuser hate me? He just DID. Why would he hate me? He just DOES. Why would he even want to hate me? He just WANTS to. It has nothing to do with me and everything to do with him.

         That.

         You wrote:

         I am still fighting the grooming that was inflicted on me and still fighting to embrace the growing that I seek to be identified with.

         ….and you’re making progress. 😊

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   2. letting the Lord truly transform me by renewing my mind (to THINK like He does) … is a lifelong process that has nothing do with grooming, everything to do with growing.

      That!

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