Barbara Roberts ♦ 3rd July 2019 ♦ 6 Comments
I’m taking a break for several weeks, to visit my daughter, but I’ll still be publishing posts.
While I’m away, the posts to be published may include items that have been on my notunderbondage site and reblogs of some of my older articles from ACFJ. There may be a bit of lag time in my moderation of comments. But Reaching Out will continue to moderate comments too, so you may not notice a great lag time overall.
I have closed my notunderbondage.com site for the present because it was too cumbersome to maintain. I think I will eventually set up a new site with the domain notunderbondage.com, under a new format. But for the present time, the notunderbondage.com address will redirect to this site cryingoutforjustice.blog.
Ironically, I had to replace my laptop’s battery recently, so I’m all set to go!
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The definition of abuse: A pattern of coercive control (ongoing actions or inactions) that proceeds from a mentality of entitlement to power, whereby, through intimidation, manipulation and isolation, the abuser keeps his* target subordinated and under his control. This pattern can be emotional, verbal, psychological, spiritual, sexual, financial, social and physical. Not all these elements need be present, e.g., physical abuse may not be part of it.
The definition of domestic abuser: a family member or dating partner (current or ex) who has a profound mentality of entitlement to the possession of power and control over the one s/he* chooses to mistreat. This mentality of entitlement defines the very essence of the abuser. The abuser believes he is justified in using evil tactics to obtain and maintain that power and control.
* Sometimes the genders are reversed—see our tag for 'male survivors' (tags tab in the top menu).
To say that abusers cannot change removes responsibility for sin. They can change, but the vast majority choose not to, which is what the experts state. When God punishes them, their punishment is just. Abusers have options for treatment and are accountable.
Once the marriage covenant is broken through abuse, the abused partner does not need to stay in the marriage waiting for the abuser to change. The abuser's recovery is a separate issue and his change is his own responsibility, not his wife's. This is the mistake most churches make. These churches have over-sentimentalized marriage and are legalists.
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Barbara, have a wonderful time with your daughter. And yes, recharge. Thank you for the work you do. Many blessings.
From Barb’s post:
^That is done by man.
May your battery be recharged by God.
Have a wonderful break! I’m so glad your body AND soul will hopefully get a good rest. Will keep you in prayer.
Thank you for everything you do for the Lord, and for us. You’ve given so much to so many for so long.
Have a great holiday, Barb.
Enjoy your time with your daughter! It would probably be a good thing for readers to re-visit your earlier writing.
The advocacy work you do can’t be easy, and I can imagine that batteries would need re-charging regularly! If believers were kinder / loving and less dogmatic / religious / mean toward their own, there would be less injustice and suffering in the church, and there would be no need to advocate for abuse victims. May that day come soon.