You MADE Me do it! – A Common ploy of the Abuser
UPDATE Sept 2021: I have come to believe that Jeff Crippen does not practise what he preaches. He vilely persecuted an abuse victim and spiritually abused many other people in the Tillamook congregation. Go here to read the evidence. Jeff has not gone to the people that he spiritually and emotionally abused. He has not apologised to them, let alone asked for their forgiveness.
Recently a wicked abuser, a police officer nonetheless, murdered his wife in public right in front of their daughter. When we featured that news article on our Facebook page, we received a comment from a certain genre of person who really gives me the creeps. He was one of these “fathers’ rights” types, and his take on this brutal homicide was that we should understand that the poor, poor husband was DRIVEN to kill his wife because of all the stress and suffering and torture his wife and the court system had put him through. In other words, these guys love to claim, “you made me do it!”
I have seen this thing and I suspect most all of you have too. After all, we know that abusers are never, ever wrong, right? Even when they are caught on camera, still, they didn’t really do it. But we saw them do it. We heard them say it. No, no, you have to understand. YOU made them do it. So they always have an out.
Myself and two other witnesses saw this very thing when we were dealing with just such a person. We had all heard him make an accusation against one of us. Plainly, openly, he said it. Then, just a short time later when we confronted him with his need to repent of his sin in saying this lie, his response was, “did I say that? I didn’t say that, did I?” All three of us had heard him and we told him so. “No, I don’t remember saying that.” Then, some months later after he had once again made an evil accusation (abusers love to accuse), we confronted him again about it. Now, his “I don’t remember saying that” tactic hadn’t worked that well before with us, so this time — you guessed it — he said “I didn’t say that. YOU made me say it! YOU said it!”
Now, do you see how evil and twisted that kind of tactic is? Christ said that our words reveal the real nature of our heart. So it was with this guy. His “logic” was that even though the words of that accusation and lie proceeded from his own mouth, nevertheless HE wasn’t really the one who said it. Rather, WE had actually said it because WE made him say it. Of course what we had really done was pin him down, back him into a corner, so that he blurted out the evil that was already in his heart.
You made me do it. I didn’t want to hit you, but you made me do it. It really is your fault.
There is no reasoning with such a twisted mind. The only way to deal with such a person is to separate from them as far as is possible.