Maintaining the Unity of the Spirit Requires Dealing With Abusers
UPDATE Sept 2021: I have come to believe that Jeff Crippen does not practise what he preaches. He vilely persecuted an abuse victim and spiritually abused many other people in the Tillamook congregation. Go here to read the evidence. Jeff has not gone to the people that he spiritually and emotionally abused. He has not apologised to them, let alone asked for their forgiveness.
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[September 25, 2022: There have been some changes made to this post. For more information, read the Editors’ notes at the bottom of the post. Editors.]
(Eph 4:1-6 ESV) (1) I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, (2) with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, (3) eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. (4) There is one body and one Spirit — just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call — (5) one Lord, one faith, one baptism, (6) one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.
Church unity. We hear a lot about it, but we really don’t see or experience it very often at all. Most times the “unity” in a local church is just role play. But under the surface, whoa! Constant, low-level friction. Why?
I suggest that one chief reason for this sorry situation is that most Christians and church leaders have a warped view of biblical, genuine, spiritual unity. It often is better described as “uniformity,” in which environment the pressure is on everyone to get in line. In that kind of supposed “community,” everyone is presumed to belong, and all efforts must be diligently enforced to be sure that everyone stays in the community. Everyone. Tolerance is not only the word of the day in our secular culture. It is the attitude (enforced) in our churches. To differ is to be intolerant, and to suggest that someone really does not belong….well, that is the quickest way to be censured or tossed out.
Being “eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” requires, I maintain, removing wicked, unrepentant people from the community. What’s that? I shall repeat: biblical zeal to maintain Christian unity requires the expulsion of people who have demonstrated that they are not in Christ, and thus, with whom, we have no unity. THIS is walking in a manner worthy of our calling.
(Eph 4:2-4 ESV) (2) with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, (3) eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. (4) There is one body and one Spirit….
Think about it. How can we maintain what does not exist? We are to patiently “bear with one another.” Who is the “one another”? It is believers. Those who are in Christ. Those who have one Lord, one faith, one baptism. Those who have the Spirit. That spiritual unity exists in and between all Christians. But it does not exist with the wicked.
And therefore anyone who comes along preaching to us that we are to eagerly and patiently maintain unity with an abuser (or any other so-called brother who habitually walks in evil) is preaching some kind of “unity” that the Bible knows nothing about. Consider. Isn’t it true? Abusers are allowed to remain in our churches in the name of “unity.” But there is no unity to maintain. Such a man is not our brother. In fact, many Scriptures tell us to separate ourselves from such people. To put them out of our churches (1 Cor 5). Not to even eat with them.
And when we wake up and do this, guess what? We are actually maintaining the unity between genuine believers that honors Christ, the Head of the body.
[September 25, 2022: Editors’ notes:
—For some comments made prior to September 25, 2022 that quoted from the post, the text in the comment that was quoted from the post might no longer be an exact match.
—For some comments made prior to September 25, 2022 that quoted from the post, the text in the comment that was quoted from the post might no longer be found in the post.
If you would like to compare the text in the comments made prior to September 25, 2022 that quoted from the post to the post as it is now (September 25, 2022), click here [Internet Archive link] for the most recent Internet Archive copy of the post.]
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- Posted in: Unjust church responses
- Tagged: church response to abuse, false Christians, Jeff Crippen, protecting victims
A Cry For Justice 
Good post. When I brought my issue I was told ‘we need to have unity’ but as we talked it became ‘they run this ministry and you need to just deal with it’. Sorry, I won’t be unified with controlling people and sin.
The clarity / wisdom of this point is mind-blowingly true.
“The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse” by Johnson & VanVonderen, deals with this issue — keeping peace when there is no peace. How do you “keep” unity, when there is no unity? How do you “keep” the peace, when there is no peace? You put on a facade and just keep ignoring the vagrant sin. The reason there is no unity is exactly as you say here, Ps. Crippen – that light has nothing to do with darkness. I’ve been in a church where to question an abuser’s right-standing with God, cost me greatly. But God warned us in John 16, that the true Christians would be the ones who ended up being thrown out. He says that He warned us, so that when it actually happened, because it will, that we would know that He had told us in advance. He also tells us there, why they put the true ones out. It’s because they don’t know God or Christ themselves. They are playing church.
I myself have been tolerant. I have been tolerant in ignoring bad doctrine when I see it. I’ve been tolerant in ignoring abuse when I see it, and most of all, I have been tolerant of remaining under false shepherds / Elders when I see it and not leaving soon enough. I have learned from living in abuse, to ignore the Spirit prodding me, to ignore myself and instead to listen to others tell me to be tolerant. Tolerant of sin. Tolerant of their evil. Guilty! – but not anymore.
Anonymous – right on!
Yes!!! Whatever you are not against, you are for, consciously or subconsciously.
Amen, sister!
Only God can read our hearts. Any sin is denying God. I sin daily. Should I be ousted from my church? My abuser was kept from church only because I have a permanent injunction (aka blessing from God) but they would not prevent him from attending, as long as I was not present. I think that is appropriate. Although my skewed reasoning where he is concerned convinces me he will never change, my rational thinking (and The Holy Spirit) remind me of Paul’s sins, David’s sins, Moses, and the list goes on. Who are we to say who can and cannot attend church? Is this not hypocrisy?
There is a big difference between continued, unrepentant sin involving hurting others than the sins of maybe letting a swear word out. The Bible says we are to judge those in the church. Anyone who is caught up in serious unrepentant sin, who makes excuses for it, and refuses to change, well, I’d question their commitment to God.
1 Cor 5:9-13 [NASB1995]
Oh Nancy, you are dangerously turned around on this one. Who is to say who can and cannot attend church? So, is the devil welcome in your church? If we are not to judge that evil, unrepentant people are to be put out of the church, then tell me, just what do these Scriptures mean?
I mean, Nancy, do you believe the Bible? Is it alright for a wicked abuser to be present in a church, deceiving others, associating with the children, as long as he isn’t around you? If your church allows a wicked man like your abuser to be present, knowing full well that he even has a restraining order against him, then I have to say – that is no church. It is the very kind of place where the innocent are persecuted and the wicked are justified.
Paul, David, Moses — all Christians — sin. But they also repent. You seriously need to get straightened out on all of this.
I’m not sure you could prevent someone from attending service without a court order, but you can and should take those who are unrepentant of their obvious sins off of the church roll until they do repent. He could change with the Lord’s intervention and him being a willing participant. All of the sins of the men you mention were forgiven through repentance, leaving them in good standing.
Brenda – local churches are not public property. They are property owned by a non-profit entity. As such, those who are officers in the church can indeed tell someone to leave or be subject to being arrested for trespassing.
That is good to know. I suppose I’ve just never seen it done.
That is the true meaning of “Separation of Church and State”! The church is a sovereign entity in so much as it can choose whom to associate with. The state has no right to tell a church who can be a member or not.
UPDATE Sept 2021: I have come to believe that Jeff Crippen does not practise what he preaches. He vilely persecuted an abuse victim and spiritually abused many other people in the Tillamook congregation. Go here to read the evidence. Jeff has not gone to the people that he spiritually and emotionally abused. He has not apologised to them, let alone asked for their forgiveness.
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Brenda, if a church meets on private property, as most congregations do, the church can stop a person coming on to that property by asking them to leave and then calling the police if they refuse to leave and therefore are guilty of trespass. That’s the basics of it, legally, I would imagine, though I’m not a lawyer.
The Bible does talk in various places about putting people out of the church and announcing to the rest of the congregation that the ousted person is to be treated as an unbeliever. Of course, in the normal course of events, unbelievers are not unwelcome at church services (we want unbelievers to hear and respond to the Gospel) but with a person who has been masquerading as a Christian but practising the heinous sins listed in 1 Cor 5, or with a person who is refusing to repent of injuring a believer and is thus disfellowshipped under Matthew 18, then Scripture tells us to put such a person out of the church.
If the person has been deliberately divisive to the body, I would say that he must not be allowed back to attend church services until he has genuinely repented and that repentance has been tested under pressure — otherwise the congregation could be endangered (Titus 3:10; Rom 16:17, as quoted above by Jeff C).
But if the person has not actively been causing division in the church, he may be permitted to attend church services, but everyone else must treat him as an unbeliever. This is imperative; otherwise the sinner will go on basking in the fantasy that he is a Christian, when in fact he is on the road to hell unless he wholeheartedly repents.
I would suggest that a person who has been harming their spouse should not be permitted to attend any services which the spouse attends, and that the victim spouse’s choices in attendance should be privileged and prioritized over the abuser’s. And if the abuser tries to win allies among the congregation then that would constitute divisive behaviour and the offender should be told he is not welcome to attend that church at all. He can go to another church if he wishes, but a wise pastor should consider advising the new church what this fellow’s history is. And if the receiving church’s pastor is wise, he ought to be checking out the fellow’s history with the first pastor. (Not that that happens often, because most pastors are naive to the evils of domestic abuse….)
Nancy – I understand this confusion. Scripture clearly teaches us, that as Christians, we are to be about the business of putting away our sins, walking out of sinful behavior and patterns, not making excuses like “we’re all just a bunch of sinners”.
The Bible clearly tells us that at some point we are not to even eat with others living in sin. The Bible also clearly teaches, that the church is a place where the Christians gather together and that sometimes people need to be put out, but the reason for it is always for their good and the church’s good, not their harm.
Also, Jesus never refers to His own as “sinners”. Even though we continue to sin, it is the “kind” of sin we are talking about. Of course we all sin from day to day, but we should be trying to do something about it and perhaps therein lies the difference. We, as true Christians, are not living in constant sin or in a sinful lifestyle. Of course God can change anyone He wants to, but He doesn’t change everyone. We are called to know them by their fruits. It would be ridiculous for us not to be able to discern somewhat, who was a real and true Christian, from the false, although it can be difficult due to false professions. True Christians have the Holy Spirit and it is He Who helps us discern truth from error. I don’t think anyone here is talking about the day-to-day sin of a poor attitude or not saying something as kindly as we should have, etc..
I don’t know. I just know that there is a huge, wide and gaping difference between my sin and my abusers’ sin. Willful sin against another human being to their destruction, is different than the sin of falling apart (i.e. not fully trusting God) because you are being abused. God sees and notes the differences between sins in His Word and therefore we do the same. Hope that helps!
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Dear Nancy, thank you for your comment, and bless you for sharing it. 😉
You might like to check out our various posts under the tag ‘sin leveling’ Sin Levelling. I don’t know whether they will help you, but they may.
Hugs to you, and so glad you have a permanent injunction against your abuser. That is a rare thing in my jurisdiction, to get a permanent one. I would guess you were very seriously abused, for the court to give you that.
My soon-to-be-ex is not a member of the church but is a continual attender and has submitted an application. The Elders have put off speaking to him about it. This past Sunday he states approaching one of them about why they haven’t scheduled with him. He was told they were waiting to see what was going to happen with us. His response was what happens between us was our business and didn’t have anything to do with the church. I feel it has everything to do with the church. He says he then went to the Pastor. Pastor asked him basically if he did become a member if he could get an “A” in “sandbox” and would we be able to get along. He replied that we could because he still loves me. Only a few days ago I was the “devil that hides behind a Bible” and he accused me of stealing his baseball cards. My vote for his membership at this point would be “no” and I would have to find another church. The most important thing would not be whether or not we could be nice it is what is best for the church and the mission to proclaim the Gospel in every corner of the world.
Brenda, I can’t believe that a church would even consider for a second accepting such a person as a member. Christ’s church is not a social club, but many local churches are no more than just that. You are right. It has everything to do with the church!
Some “c”hurches are nothing more than a playground where everyone is welcome to join the “club” and play the games. The “mediator” is there to just keep the false peace that exists so no one gets mad, hurt, or offended – NOT to restrain and put away evil and sin from among them and serve the Lord Jesus Christ with reverence and fervency, with the end goal to build His Kingdom. Letting this man in, would be just giving him admission to the playground, not to the Kingdom of Christ. He is playing a game with the church of Christ and games are for a playground, not the church. I am glad your vote will be “no”, Brenda. It shows your strength not to just go with the flow when something is amiss.
I’m not sure they are. No one from the church has spoken to me about it in several weeks so all I am going on is what the ex said. At that time, I said I didn’t believe that he understood at all, knew enough Scripture to be dangerous and his behavior had not changed. They agreed because of what he said or didn’t say in the application. They did have an appointment scheduled with him shortly before I left. Both Elders forgot the appointment. Divine Intervention — I think so. They didn’t reschedule. They probably are waiting to see what happens between us. At his point nothing has changed. I filed for “Legal Separation” and should be complete sometime this month. There is still a hearing for a restraining order which has been rescheduled for a 3rd time. I have come to the conclusion that I won’t be getting that. He has stopped calling and emailing as much. As long as he stays away, I am good with that. I will let you know though how it turns out.
Reblogged this on Speakingtruthinlove's Blog [Internet Archive link].
And the fruit if The Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control.
I don’t know of an abuser who gets this. Mine certainly displayed NONE of these, yet he is not only welcome in Christian fellowship, he preached and teaches!
My question has always been “does he know?”
My answer is, “it doesn’t matter!”
Either way, if he is willingly or unwittingly deceived, maintaining fellowship is hatred to God and the abuser. If he knows what he’s doing then we are letting evil flourish in our midst, because he has chosen and will continue to choose wickedness. If he is deceived then we are letting him remain deceived.
I think that it is important that Jeff stresses continued, unrepentant sin. Yes, we all sin and Paul even called himself the chief of sinners; however, Paul recognized that sin and sought to take care of those areas in his life that he knew were wrong.
The problem with the abuser (and some others) is that they will not even acknowledge the sin and take genuine steps to address it. I am not talking about just “feeling sorry” after an especially bad episode, but true repentance, turning around and seek to show and build the fruit that derives from that. Such a person is a danger to the church, as well as the person(s) they are abusing and that is why Paul actually told Christians to “judge” those in habitual, grievous sin as well as those who preach a different Gospel.
Yes, I said “judge”. After all, if we do follow Scripture, that is exactly what we are doing, judging. We are judging the behavior to see if it comports with authentic Christianity. We judge doctrine to see if it lines up with Scripture.
….is one of the most misused verses around. It is actually used as an avoidance mechanism by people who don’t have the stomach for confrontation and want “peace” at all costs. If you look at the context of that verse and the general context of the New Testament, it is not saying we cannot judge, but that it must be done from a pure motive and rightly. It is saying that we will be held to the same standard by which we judge, so we had better make sure our lives line up before we tackle another man’s sin.
When did our churches lose so much of their passion that they are not willing to confront evil, head on? This idea that we must let others just be, so that we have no dissension does nothing but further the kingdom of evil, rather than the kingdom of light. It turns us into the lukewarm that God will eventually spew out of His mouth!
Note, I am NOT talking about going on a witch hunt and looking for every little sin that my brothers and sisters commit, but as Jeff said, the serious, unrepentant sin must be excised from the body, even if some people don’t like it. The former is Phariseeism, while the latter is actually protection for all of God’s flock!
Very good word!
Exactly, Wendell!
I feel like “judge not” has become the test for righteousness.
“Better not judge or you be called out for ignoring your own sins.”
“If you judge you must not be willing to face the fact you too are just a sinner saved by grace.”
“If you choose to judge be prepared to be judged more harshly.”
So no one ends up willing to judge anyone or anything. Well except me, they are willing to judge me. They have no issues calling me out for breaking my covenant and choosing flesh over the spirit.
Judging me somehow makes them holy, they are standing up for what is right when they point their finger at me.
Anonymous, you didn’t break your covenant, your spouse did. Getting away from it is protecting yourself.
That is so true, Anonymous. It seems like looking down our noses at everyone else makes us feel so superior! Hmm, doesn’t that remind us of a story about a Pharisee standing next to a poor “sinner”, thanking God that the Pharisee is nothing like him?
So true. And this is exactly what happens in couple’s counseling. We are told that we must stay, wait, pray, forgive, and be ONE with the abuser, or we are guilty of being judgmental, unforgiving, etc.. A marriage is about unity and there cannot be unity when one spouse is wicked and an abuser.
1 Tim 5:20-21
Most Christians think that such behavior from their preacher is contrary to Christian unity. As Jeff and Wendell point out, the opposite is true. Confrontation of evil is a standard character trait and practice of all biblical leaders from Moses to Paul.
Thank you, Larry. I must conclude that any professing Christian who disregards these commands of Christ to confront evil and expel it from our churches when it persists in unrepentance and defiance of Christ, is either 1) woefully ignorant of God’s Word, and probably sitting under the teaching of some wolf, or 2) they are simply unsaved and God’s Word is foolish and a stench to them. Years and years ago when I was still a teen and a very, very immature Christian, I still knew full well that Scripture instructed church discipline up to and including the ex-communication of wolves and rank, defiant, unrepentant professing Christians. It really is a no-brainer and a person in whom Christ’s Spirit dwells will surely see and understand this if taught the Scripture’s truth.
“witch hunt” – now there’s a word.
This is exactly right, Wendell, even in response to King’s Daughter’s comment above yours. If things were done in a biblical way, they would address the unrepentant sin of abuse. Someone who was deceived by their actions and not just in denial, would quickly have to come to some decisions, once the church truly addressed their sin of abuse.
“I’m sorry” is not repentance. Apologies do not constitute true repentance and until we get this area right, there will sadly, be no real change; and until the leadership decides it needs to change and grow and be educated in this area, there will not really be change either. It takes time to see if there has been true, real and lasting repentance when it comes to abuse. Every victim needs time to find out if their abuser has truly come to repentance and many believe that the time for that came and went or will never come – so we are dealing with broken covenants and broken homes and broken lives. But, in order to deal with the distraction of the abuse, and the quake of destruction it leaves in its path, leaders become willing to just accept “I’m sorry” as the out for the sin. They then become frustrated with the victim who is not willing to just “be done with it” and forgive and reconcile.
We are to judge, but instead we have come to believe that no one should rock the Styrofoam “unity boat” and that in order to keep that false non-existent peace, everyone needs to just put up with and shut up about sin – get over it – smile, and remember you are just as bad as the abuser – and then move on and do it quickly.
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It saddens my heart greatly that with all of the “pastoral” and counseling help we have sought (at least 1/2 dozen pastors and counselors) no one has directly confronted his abuse except for me. It makes me wonder if any of these pastors would have stood up, if he would have seen?
Well, K’sD, you know what they say! God is sovereign and providential and maybe this lack of addressing your husband’s sin and abuse, is God’s sovereign way of NOT changing him. Perhaps it is God’s way of freeing you. I do not agree with allowing the abuser’s sin to go unaddressed and I certainly don’t agree with blaming the victim and placing the burden on her. It seems that more churches blame the victim for rocking the boat, than actually finding out how and following God in this area, but it is one way to discern whether you are in a true church of God or not. A church that diminishes or lightens the abuser’s sin and responsibility, to the blame and demise of the victim, is no real church and in fact, I believe, will be taken off God’s roster of true churches at some point. Sounds harsh, but God hates false shepherds / churches. In fact, God hates abuse and I believe He expects His true followers to hate it too. We are His followers and that means we follow His example, even of how to address the sin of abuse.
Bingo!
Can I just share an odd thought? I think the church has been quick or at least LOUD to judge non-believers with all their protests, not that I think these are always wrong (protesting about abortions, etc.) but that seems to be what makes the news and you hear about. And yet, we are not called to judge non-believers but believers and it seems in most churches we are loathe to do that. We judge on appearance often in our fellowships. I am so thankful the church I attend now is so active with the homeless that they are not neglected in our service but I have attended some that they were not actively welcomed but passively snubbed. I am just sharing an observation. I think it comes down to a serious heart issue. We don’t want to walk in obedience, to dive deep into our faith. It seems so much easier to just swim on the surface of Christianity.
The church we have been attending is working through Ephesians (well, actually flying through it). This week, the pastor will be teaching on chapter 5 and it will be interesting to see how he handles that. I’m especially interested in how he handles the “submission” part and may help determine if we stay there or not.
My suspicion is, that since he feels he must finish a chapter a week, he will probably just gloss over most of it, but I could be wrong.
Now if he decides to take the patriarchal approach, will I be judging him if I reject it and maybe even the church? Will I be out of line for doing so? Ok, I know it is mostly a rhetorical question, but it does go to the heart of the matter.
Do I keep “unity” and just let it slide, or do I approach him and try to change his mind? Do I keep unity by keeping my mouth shut, or do I counter the teaching in the church with what I feel is truth?
Wendell – if your church has any issues of spiritual abuse in it, you will find it out, when you address or share your feelings on an issue. It will rear its ugly head when you address something you see as a problem, by turning and making YOU become the problem, because you addressed an issue they did not want addressed. “That’s just the way we do things here”, can be a hard thing to hear. I guess I have always believed that even shepherds need to continue to learn and grow, and be willing to do so. It is disturbing to me, to hear it said that someone encounters a leader who is not willing to even give someone else’s situation or interpretation of Scripture, etc. a prayerful consideration.
Anonymous, I’m not worried about having to suffer spiritual abuse. Having been in the pastorate and with many years of experience in churches in general, I’m usually pretty good at spotting it. My comments were actually meant to prove a point about how we all “judge” to some degree or another in church life. It was to promote some thought outside the normal box.
In all honesty, I am prepared for either way the pastor goes on this. If he avoids the tough questions, I will probably try to get with him privately to see where he stands. If he goes to the “dark side”, I will confront him on that too. I will applaud him if he actually takes what I think is the true Biblical stand.
I will be respectful and pray for the best, but I am also prepared to “shake the dust off my feet” at the church door if necessary!
I like that! Sadly I have seen that attitude so frequently that I have adopted it towards myself and am VERY hesitant to challenge anything (in most circumstances) unless it is a hill I don’t mind dying on, because I know I will….
Well, we really cannot forget, K’s D., who was killing who during the inquisitions. It is a harsh reminder, but I’ve recently been tied to the stake and if they had been given by God, the power they so earnestly craved, they would have lit the fire beneath me.
There are scars that remain there and having lived in so much abuse, it is really hard to know when to stay and when to go, when to address and when to just let it alone. But I pray every day that God shows me when to speak and when to be silent, and then trust that His hand will guide me, because He has given all of us victims a voice, and at some point, we will probably be called to use it. Prayers for you.
Thanks, Anonymous. My comments were not intended to make light of anyone else’s pain in leaving an abusive church. My situation is quite different than those who are actively going through the trauma of abuse and divorce. I certainly don’t mean to make light of a very tough decision.
If I had already made deep emotional attachments here, it would probably be tougher for me too, but I have intentionally held back for a while to see how things go. There is something that is keeping me from really committing, what we used to call a “check” in my spirit.
Good for you for obeying that check.
Sigh, it would sure be nice if I could take that check to the bank and get some cash!
I feel so frustrated being here in Oz and reading all these comments of yours while you are asleep! I was busy today, perhaps even more than usual, and only just now have I read this thread. I wish I was in some US time zone!
Hey, Barb, perhaps the next time MB is back in Aussie-land, you can stow away in one of his suitcases! Oh, that might not work. They are still trying to find one of them from months ago! 😉
Well I know how you can change that! 🙂 Lots of houses available in my neck of the woods!
Michigan, USA has all kinds of empty homes just waiting for someone to choose one.