The Quack Awards – How to Handle a Quack Counselor

UPDATE Sept 2021: I have come to believe that Jeff Crippen does not practise what he preaches. He vilely persecuted an abuse victim and spiritually abused many other people in the Tillamook congregation. Go here to read the evidence. Jeff has not gone to the people that he spiritually and emotionally abused. He has not apologised to them, let alone asked for their forgiveness.


[November 30, 2022: There have been some changes made to this post. For more information, read the Editors’ notes at the bottom of the post. Editors.]

Once again we have been contacted by an abuse victim who has been “quacked.” She went to a “biblical counselor” and was told she needed to stop considering divorce and instead pursue reconciliation. Then she was handed a bill for this “therapy”. Keep in mind now that this abuse has gone on for decades with no repentance. The victim has been incredibly longsuffering, and her “counselor” was fully aware of these facts.

I propose that we establish the “quack award” which we can give to all of these “professionals” who tell abuse victims that God wants them to reconcile with their abuser, then tells them that they need to consider their own sinful role in the breakdown of their “marriage”.

Now, the quack award could be a yellow rubber ducky that you hand to the pro, squeeze it so it quacks, and then say “I think we are done here.” Or, you could email them the following video (Sesame StreetRubber Duckie (1970 version)) and see if they get the message:

Or maybe these would work too. Just keep a box handy and award them one at a time —

[November 30, 2022: Editors’ notes:

—For some comments made prior to November 30, 2022 that quoted from the post, the text in the comment that was quoted from the post might no longer be an exact match.
—For some comments made prior to November 30, 2022 that quoted from the post, the text in the comment that was quoted from the post might no longer be found in the post.
If you would like to compare the text in the comments made prior to November 30, 2022 that quoted from the post to the post as it is now (November 30, 2022), click here [Internet Archive link] for the most recent Internet Archive copy of the post.]

23 thoughts on “The Quack Awards – How to Handle a Quack Counselor”

  1. I think I should get a quack award for paying $200 one time to a professional who gave me advice to bake pies. He was explaining all about how if I needed to set boundaries it would go much better if I added something sweet. I’m pretty sure I missed whatever else he said over the freaking out in my head. I know you mean the ducky as sarcastic comment on bad counselling, but sometimes it seems like I deserve a trophy for having survived so much bad counsel (pie guy is not the worst but just the most entertaining). A rubber ducky on my shelf might remind me that no matter what I am still floating. And it makes me smile.

    1. Now, perhaps one more visit to the “pie” counselor could have been a lot of fun. I mean after all, you would have been just taking his counsel, to give him his cream pie in the face with the boundary you established for him!! Example: Pie in the face while saying, “we’re done here — don’t call me, I won’t call you! That’s boundary number 1.”

      Most people would not think that was very Christian, so even though it is funny, probably not to be recommended! I needed a good laugh today!

      1. Well, if he / she were such a kind and merciful Christian counselor, they should take no real offense at getting the cream pie in the face. 🙂

  2. LOL! Yes, the survivors who are still floating, and the quack counsellors who may be rubbing their heads thinking “WHAAAAT?” Even if they don’t get it, it may niggle at them until it clicks one day years later. Maybe when a second, and then a third abuse victim gives them the duck too. 🙂

  3. What an excellent idea! In addition to that, I would recommend anyone who feels scammed by this type of dangerous counseling to contact their state’s “Division of Professional Registration” to lodge a complaint. I did. The investigator came to my house to hear my story and he appears to be doing a thorough job following through. The board examines the complaints once each quarter and I am expecting their decision at the beginning of the year. The counselors that do such damage to abuse victims should be held accountable. If the board considers it appropriate, they could fine the counselor or revoke their license. Then you could mail them the duck.

  4. Did anyone notice the “scrub brush” was GREEN?!? Isn’t that kinda like the “green” we scrub these counselors backs with before we walk away with our heads down in shame? And it doesn’t have to be money; it can be time wasted as well.

    Love this!!

  5. I have been thinking today that we should be totally done with the terms “Christian” or “Biblical” counseling / counselor. What we all really want is a TRUTH counselor who is wise. If the Lord establishes the civil authorities (Romans 13) for good, then obviously there are sources in this world that, by common grace, have some wisdom about things — like abuse. Science, psychology, experience, older people, and Scripture. We want counseling that learns from all of these things and of course tosses out what is anti-truth, and thus anti-Scripture. Honestly, anymore when I hear someone is a Christian counselor, my radar goes up.

      1. Christian music, Christian counseling, Christian business, Christian school, Christian movie, Christian romance novel….beep, beep, beep! Once when I was a police officer another officer came into the station at the end of the shift, threw down his paperwork on the desk and said “If I hear one more person tell me they are a born-again Christian, I am going to just lose it!”

      2. I say this fully acknowledging that I write Christian music. 🙂

        I don’t really object to Christian creations – I think it is wonderful when we do things explicitly in a Christian way with a Christian goal. What I object to is —

        a) Doing sub-par work, labeling it “Christian”, and expecting people to consume it over the alternatives (Christian counseling falls into this bucket).

        b) Using a label of “Christian” to influence people of faith to buy a product that either isn’t really Christian, or is only Christian with the goal of making it more desirable.

        c) People consuming Christian creations with a lack of discernment (example, Christian music station promotes itself as a “safe” alternative, implying you can feel free to trust everything it promotes).

        d) People judging others for their lack of consumption of Christian creations.

      3. I always trash-can the “Christian Yellow Pages” when they come. They purport to list only Christian-owned businesses and of course the unspoken message is, “God expects you to do all of your business with these brethren.” Unfortunately it seems that it is not so uncommon for the brethren to rip me off!

      4. So here’s a good story – my lawn guy was a Christian. He did not advertise it at all, but it was just all over him when he spoke. And when he found out about my divorce (because I had to change the name my service was under, etc.) he asked if he could pray for me over the phone – nothing else. Just asked that the Lord would watch over me and comfort me.

        It was a blessing to do business with that brother in Christ.

      5. Jeff S, Tim Kimmel made a good point in his book, “Why Christian Kids Rebel” — that “Christian” is a noun, not an adjective. You can’t really have a Christian school because the school never became born again.

  6. I LOVE THIS! Oh, I’m buying some duckies for Christmas gifts for some special someones in my life! LOL.

    Truth counselors — awesome! Best counseling I’ve ever had in my entire life was this past year from a secular counselor who understood and respected my spirituality and my theology. Same for my kids. I took one son to the church….again. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Duh! It was a waste of time. The associate and youth pastors were clueless, when they bothered to show up. My son confessed to them that he has control issues like his dad. They told him “it isn’t really an attempt to control another human being; it’s just impatience because you think you can do things better and faster than the other person.” Say what??? Then they assigned him Scripture reading to help him not be impatient.

    I took the other son to a secular counseling group. The counselor they assigned him to turned out to be a Quaker. The best experience I ever could imagine in a counseling environment!!! My son is spot on, doing great, and the counselor nominated him for a youth advisory committee at the facility. Though my son has graduated counseling he stays connected by attending a meeting once a month where he gives his opinions on how to create a safer, friendlier feeling counseling environment for teens. They also take this group of kids on volunteer outings. Most recently they participated in the “Fill Their Bowls” event, a fundraiser to provide food to the hungry in our community. Very healing for a bunch of formerly wounded kids to help others in need! Meanwhile, the youth group was playing guitars and volleyball.

    [Paragraph break added to enhance readability. Editors.]

    1. Meanwhile, the youth group was playing guitars and volleyball.

      Yep, there it is. A couple rounds of “kum by yah” and all is well.

Leave a comment. It's ok to use a made up name (e.g Anon37). For safety tips read 'New Users Info' (top menu). Tick the box if you want to be notified of new comments.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.