A Cry For Justice

Awakening the Evangelical Church to Domestic Violence and Abuse in its Midst

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20 Comments

  1. Lynette D

    I see so many who have left the church and now feel they have no where to fellowship. If you/we could come up with a list of churches that support abused spouses and understand divorce for abuse it would be helpful. I also would like to see a topic for people who weren’t supported dealt with trying to explain to their pastors/church that they were in danger of losing their children to CPF or social services, and the responses they got from said pastors. I believe that is an area where pastors are woefully ignorant also. I don’t think we should sacrifice our children on the altar of marriage.

    • Lynette, if that scenario (in danger of losing your children to social services or CPF) is part of your own story, would you like to jot down the story, and any other ideas you have on that topic, send it to me and Jeff by email, and then we can shape it into a post. Thanks for the suggestion.

      • Lynette D

        Its not me but I have heard of stories. A friend in my church, the one I posted about who had the pastor say ‘thats not was he said’ when she brought up the abuse went through this. She was charged with neglect because she was continuing to live with her abuser and by doing so endangering her kids. Her story is compelling…maybe I will ask her to send you her story.

  2. Bethany

    I agree with Lynette a list of Churches would be wonderful. Also if we could have a discussion on mental illness and how it affects the marriage it would be helpful.

    • Mental Illness and how it affects marriage: It’s already in our list of ideas for new posts, but yes, thanks for your request. We’ll try to get something out on that topic soon.

      I think there are previous posts or comments which allude to mental illness a bit. I’ll see if I can track them down and create a category for ‘mental illness’ so they are easier to search for.

      • Bethany

        Thanks Barb 🙂

  3. Jeff S

    I’ve thought alot about how a directory like this could be made because I think it would be a big benifit to a lot of people- I got very lucky to find my current church and really wished for something like a directory of “safe” churches.

    That being said, I’m not sure what the best way to create a list like this and be confident about it would be.

    • If we did make such a directory or list, it would have to be on the understanding that we cannot guarantee any church is totally safe, but are just passing on recommendations we’ve heard from our readers. It’s very possible that a certain church would be pretty safe and welcoming for a survivor who came in AS a separated or divorced survivor of abuse, but that same church may not be such a great place to be if you and the abuser were well known as a couple by the congregation and you disclosed the abuse and left the marriage. That is the real litmus test: how well does a church deal with a case of marital abuse where the couple are both accepted members in good standing in the congregation, and one spouse discloses the secret.
      But having said that, I still think it is a good idea to develop such a list. Maybe we could start a post and open it up for our readers to make their own recommendations and comments about safe (or safe-ish) churches they know about. That way, we as the blog administrators would not be taking all responsibility for the list, it would be a shared thing, and every reader could assess the info for themselves. And since we would only be listing positive churches, not naming bad churches, we would not be in danger or getting sued for defamation.
      Does anyone else have suggestions on how best to create and maintain such a list?

      I do think it would be important, if we did it the way I’m suggesting, for us as administrators to only publish comments on that “Directory of Good Churches” post if they have been submitted by readers we ‘know’ from their previous sharing on the blog, or from their private emails with us. We don’t want the directory being hijacked by marauding wolves!

  4. downtheroad

    Hi i have been wanting to send you a short email about the new law in the u.k on Domestic violence and Emotional abuse which is going to be dded to the new law, i cant find an Email address to send it too, although it does say on the website there is one! oops, i have probably just missed it as i am not so good with computers! Love in Jesus.

    • Hi E, I changed your screen name to something less identifying. You can find email addresses for us on our About page. Maybe send the info to TWBTC as it sounds like it might be something for our Resources pages and she is the one who manages them.

  5. Valerie

    I have been wondering about having a forum for people to talk to each other and offer support with questions, etc. I have gotten a lot of benefit from this on other sites but most are not Christian based. 😦 I have no idea what it takes to setup or maintain such things. Another site I have frequented requires “validation” before being able to enter that part of the site so that members feel free to share and is closed off to the general public. I have a thought on how to go about that (based on another site) if it is something you want to explore.

    • We’ve thought about that before, Valerie, but have decided not to do it. Why? Because we felt we didn’t have the time and ability to run a forum as well as a blog. And Jeff and I are focused on writing and imparting the Biblical truths that pertain to domestic abuse which have been so sadly neglected for so long.

      To meet the need, we have put a list of Forums in the sidebar to the right; each of those forums has a Christian emphasis or viewpoint to some degree or other. If you haven’t tried those forums, maybe you might like to check them out. Scroll down the sidebar to below our Blogroll.

  6. Round*Two

    I have belonged to sites where the moderators were not always available, but allowed members/guests to chat. I found these sites, (I no longer am a part of) to be very helpful.
    They were certainly very helpful on those sleepless nights!

    • I understand that need, Round*Two, but we have elected not to run the blog like that. It would really require a password protected forum to be safe, and we don’t feel able to do that as well as run the public blog. It would stretch us too thin. If it were not password protected, abusers would get on and be faking victimhood, and then it would be unsafe for all the victim/survivors. Believe me, we get comments submitted from abusers, but we send them to spam. If you want a safe forum where you can chat with other survivors, you might like to check out the forums linked in our sidbar.

      And btw, with me being in Oz and the other moderators being in the USA, we do manage to have reasonable coverage of the moderating round the clock. I check the blog several times during the american night time, that is, when I am not too exhausted or tied up with my other responsiblity of being a carer for my elderly father who has multiple health problems. But I know that the blog is not a chat room environment. Sorry we can’t do it all.

  7. Round*Two

    Yes, I understand! You ARE ALL doing SO much for us as it is! I am so thankful (as I’m sure others are as well!) to have this site! And thank you, Barbara and Jeff and all others who run this site, for you all doing what you can to protect the victims!
    Barbara, I will certainly keep you in prayer that the Lord continously give you strength to care for your father! Also, keeping your father in prayer as well!
    Thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving your time unselfishly !!

  8. keypopuliscriptor

    My suggestion is for the Kindle edition of your book. I’m reading it for a graduate course, and do enjoy the book itself. However the formatting of the Kindle edition is downright awful, and REALLY needs to be reworked. Footnotes interrupt sentences and paragraphs, no hyperlinks to chapters, I can’t tell where testimonies and quotes start/stop, it’s just a bunch of small things that, if fixed, would take the Kindle edition from barely tolerable to fantastic.

    • Jeff Crippen

      Thank you. I have been on the publisher’s case for over a year now to get this fixed. He claims he now has a tech fixing it. I am sorry for the mess.

      • Jeff, may I kindly remind you that you are not responsible for ‘the mess’ so there is no need for you to say sorry for it. 🙂

        The kindle defects seem to be the publisher’s responsibility, not Jeff Crippen’s.

      • keypopuliscriptor

        I figured it wasn’t your fault directly, and I’m still thoroughly enjoying the book, and I also appreciate your response. Thank you for what you’ve done to produce this book.

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