Deciding to stay or leave
An ACFJ blog post by by Barbara Roberts, adapted from Lundy Bancroft. Helps you discern genuine repentance from phoney repentance.
by Dr George Simon Jr
ACFJ FAQ page with a list of related posts.
An excellent 34 page PDF resource from Calgary Women’s Emergency Shelter. And their booklet Choosing to Change: A Handbook for Men concerned about their abusive behavior toward those they love – may be helpful for abusers who want to change.
by Cindy Burrell
Light Bulb Moments (testimonies from survivors of domestic abuse)
This is a compilation of testimonies by ACFJ readers of how God showed them that it was His will for them to leave their abusive marriages.
***IMPORTANT NOTE: While we endorse Lundy’s writings about the dynamics of domestic abuse, we do not recommend anyone attend the ‘healing retreats’ Lundy Bancroft offers or become involved in his ‘Peak Living Network.’ See our post, ACFJ Does Not Recommend Lundy Bancroft’s Retreats or His New Peak Living Network for more about our concerns.
by Lundy Bancroft and Jan Patrissi. Some guides for this book are freely downloadable here and here. They can be printed and given to your partner or ex-partner if he is showing signs of getting serious about working on his behavior and its underlying causes.
Caveat 1: We have had feedback on this book from a survivor who was in the New Age and Spiritualism before she became Christian. She says the book contains some language and concepts that are reminiscent of New Age teachings. The problems seem to be confined to chapter eight. In that chapter there are visualization exercises, Gestalt type exercises involving referring to oneself in the third person or as two different people, references to ‘energy,’ ‘your best possible self,’ ‘living from your center,’ ‘being grounded,’ and ‘creating a Self-Nurturing Plan.’ So while the book has lots of insight into the questions and situations women battle with in abusive / unhealthy relationships, we suggest readers be discerning while reading it and not take on board or employ the elements of the book that are akin to New Age practices.
Gives excellent suggestions for those who are living with an abusive spouse and thinking about whether and how to leave. The site is written by a non-Christian, so replace the notion of ‘karma’ (only mentioned once on the site) with the biblical concept of reaping what you sow. The author is an Australian, so not all info may apply to those from other countries.
An ACFJ blog post by by Barbara Roberts. Explains the many reasons why women stay. After reading this article, bystanders will be less likely to slight a victim for not leaving an abusive relationship.