I read this story about a spoof video depicting abuse that the Cleveland Cavs showed during a time out recently and the statement they issued about it. And, of course, I translated it and wanted to share it with you.
Trigger warning for this video:
[The above video link is broken and there is no replacement. Editors.]
Original statement:
During a timeout at last night’s Cavaliers vs. Bulls playoff game at The Q in Cleveland, we ran a 1-minute in-arena video that was intended to be a humorous spoof on a popular commercial centered on a song and dance from the classic movie ‘Dirty Dancing.’ While the video was not intended to be offensive, it was a mistake to include content that made light of domestic violence.
Domestic violence is a very serious matter and has no place in a parody video that plays in an entertainment venue. We sincerely apologize to those who have been affected by domestic violence for the obvious negative feelings caused by being exposed to this insensitive video.
The Cavaliers organization has a strong and lengthy track record of supporting domestic violence-related causes and efforts. We will continue to proudly work with our regional partners at the Domestic Violence & Child Advocacy Center in support of their numerous programs to end domestic violence in our country once and for all.
Translation in bold. Comments in underlined italics.
During a timeout at last night’s Cavaliers vs. Bulls playoff game at The Q in Cleveland, we ran a 1-minute It was just one minute, y’all. Why you gotta squawk about a 60 second video? in-arena video that was intended Our intentions are what counts, not what we actually did. It’s what we MEANT to do. to be a humorous spoof on a popular commercial centered on a song and dance from the classic movie ‘Dirty Dancing.’ While the video was not intended I’ve heard something about the road to hell and intentions. Let’s see, what was it? Oh yes, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. to be offensive Darn y’all for not having a sense of humor, it was a mistake Euphemism. Should have said “It was reprehensible” to include content that made light of domestic violence.
Domestic violence is a very serious matter In fact, it’s a CRIME. and has no place in a parody video that plays in an entertainment venue. Abuse has no place on the planet at all. We sincerely apologize to those who have been affected by domestic violence for the obvious negative feelings Darn you and your feelings spoiling our fun. caused by being exposed to this insensitive video.
The Cavaliers organization has a strong and lengthy track record of supporting domestic violence-related causes and efforts. We’ve paid it forward enough that we should get a pass. Look at the good we did. Come on! We will continue to proudly work with our regional partners at the Domestic Violence & Child Advocacy Center in support of their numerous programs to end domestic violence in our country once and for all. Ummhmm
End translation
That was not an apology. Apologies name the offense, say it was wrong, say what the offender will do in the future, and I am adding this because I saw it in one of my daughter’s books about how to be a good friend (and in the Bible), the offender then tries to make restitution by asking if there’s anything s/he can do to make it better. Apologies and explanations about intentions cancel each other out. I learned about canceling things out in elementary school.
Here’s what I think the statement should’ve said:
During a timeout at last night’s Cavaliers vs. Bulls playoff game at The Q in Cleveland, we ran an in-arena video that we never should have. The fact that this video made it through production and all the way to the screen is proof that we all have a great deal of work to do to learn about abuse and its prevention. We are so sorry. This will never happen again.
Domestic violence is a crime and has no place in a parody video that plays in an entertainment venue or anywhere else. We sincerely apologize to those who were subjected to this insensitive video.
The Cavaliers organization has a strong and lengthy track record of supporting domestic violence-related causes and efforts but that obviously isn’t enough. We will continue to proudly work with our regional partners at the Domestic Violence & Child Advocacy Center by actually getting training to know what abuse is and how to prevent it and volunteering in their shelters in addition to doubling our financial support of their numerous programs to end abuse once and for all.
The last scene of the video was the most triggering to me.
Him: I thought you were all in.
Her: Well, I’m all in now. Let’s just watch the game.
Translation:
Him: I thought you were all in. How dare you have a different preference or opinion from mine. I deserve a mind melded intimate partner!
Her: Well, I’m all in now. I changed my mind. I will assimilate and do whatever it takes to keep us happy. Let’s just watch the game. I’ve lost my identity. I exist to serve you and your preferences. Please be the nice guy I fell in love with the first time we danced to that song. I’ll never wear red again.
End translation.
How many times have we believed we could change enough to make them not abuse us? How many times have we tried to smooth things over by abandoning our desires and our opinions? This video is not funny and that was not an apology.
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Ellie offers a private translation service for those who would like to have manipulative communications “translated.” For more info visit TranslationsbyEllie. [Ellie’s translation service is no longer available. Editors.]
July 17, 2016 update: Unfortunately translationsbyellie.com is not a functioning website at this time.
A Cry For Justice 
Too many times, for too many years.
This revised apology is excellent, as is the explanation of what an apology really is:
Thank you for reminding and enlightening; just what I needed today!
Yes indeed. I love the revised apology. That is a real apology.
I’ve actually heard two similar “apologies” from different “Christian” men related to my situation and their (still ongoing) support of my abusive husband. In both cases, these men (who don’t know one another) stated: “Well, I just want to ask for your forgiveness.” When I asked what for, the answer in both cases was “Whatever it is you think I’ve done.”
In both cases, I told the men that the way I was raised was to know what I was apologizing for and to state it specifically.
Such “apologies” seem to be part of the culture these days, at least in America. I all too frequently see headlines akin to “So-and-So apologizes” usually do to an offense cited by some group or other. They seem to be knee-jerk apologies given more to placate than repent.
You are right, these wishy-washy “apologies” are false, done in order to make nice (placate) with no remorse or repentance whatsoever. It’s all just a show, put on for the gullible so the evil can continue doing whatever it wants – which is more evil. You are obviously not fooled! I have been, but no longer.
Do those ‘Christian’ men you mentioned realize that the God who sees into the heart sees all, knows all, and is not fooled one bit? They seem not to know the One they claim to worship. I wouldn’t want to be them…
So often I see the non-apology apology. We as a society are so good at “well if it makes them offended, we need to apologize for their being offended and explain/defend myself” rather than admitting that maybe I really did screw up and I need to take ownership for that. It was good to see (again) what a real apology looks a like.
Wow…
I have been studying Jeff Crippen’s 2010 pdfs about abuse victims and abuse, in the Christian home, and this is the type of apology I have had from my husband for years. If he is ‘found out’ it is then and only then, that he ‘apologizes’. So true to form. When I was first married, I wanted so much to be the Proverbs 31 wife. When this did not happen, from my standpoint, or viewpoint, which I thought my husband would rise up and praise me, and this did not happen, I realized my praise could only originate from my Lord and Savior. As in Isaiah 54: verse 5 ‘For thy Maker is thy Husband; The God of all creation is His name’. I know, for a fact, that the church in general, has either not known how to support Christian wives who are indeed abuse victims, or the church leaders choose not to hold accountable the abuser, and, it is always ‘Be a more submissive wife,’ etc. No solution whatsoever.
When the abuse hits all areas of the human existence in a so-called Christian marriage, covering the mental, emotional, and spiritual abuse at varying degrees from the abuser, it involves the subverting, the hypocritical lies, the name calling, the blaming, and the deceitfulness which the abuser so easily spews forth from their lips. Yes, how can a man be a Christian who so easily covers up his sins of abuse? The church has excused these men, because of past childhood experiences, child abuse, etc. But God says ‘Every man shall give an account of himself’ to God. The wife is not accountable for her husband. She is only accountable to God for herself. But I am learning that God wants us to ‘rebuke the hidden things of darkness’ with boldness. It is scary when a man, who claims to be a Christian can become violent … It goes to show how utterly he is NOT under the influence of the Holy Spirit. No fruit of the Spirit is evident in an abusive man.
I don’t know how many years my husband has viewed pornography. I have seen it twice on his computer, over the years, as I have walked into his upstairs study. I made the comment to him a few nights ago as I saw him again viewing porn, and said to him, ‘So, you are still viewing that ‘stuff?’ and walked out. He was downstairs the next morning with a DVD (with the title turned toward his palm so I could not see it) in his hands. He was trying to hide it (and I am not dumb, as I am quite positive it was a pornography DVD) and he had come downstairs, trying to avoid me and going around one of our hallways, but we ended up facing each other, as he was on his way to put the DVD somewhere in our garage where I could not find it. He made up an ‘on the spot’ apology saying he had been on a ‘student’ online site, the night before, and what he ‘thought’ I had ‘probably’ seen, … and that he should have apologized to me the night before. He was trembling, because he was again ‘found out’ holding the very incriminating pornography DVD!
I don’t believe he had any intention of apologizing to me, but I encountered him downstairs; and it was Not just something ‘random’ he had happened to be viewing. That was NOT an apology, either, just like the above ‘apology’ from the Cavaliers Organization was not an ‘apology’. I can read my husband like a book. He is a perfectionist, and plans ahead (but he didn’t count on me being downstairs the next morning at that ‘inopportune’ moment for him) God did that!
Pornography does not just ‘pop’ up out of the blue on a web site. My sister said, a person has to ‘log on’ and tell how old they are before they can even access a porn site. I need to confront my husband on his half apology/ lie, and I need prayer in this as I am doing it to be faithful to God, not to shame my husband, but to get him to think about his own commitment to God. ‘The righteous are as bold as a lion, and harmless as doves.’ Years ago he had denied viewing porn, as the website title was viewable, from his barely open, study door, just as he was beginning to access it, and I was just coming up to go to bed, so I told him the website name. I had seen him viewing it for a week before I confronted him with it, when I had come up to bed each night, and had said nothing as I knew he would deny it. Sad, very sad, the deceitfulness of sin in a person’s life. …
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Dear Many Years,
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I encourage you to read our New Users Info page if you haven’t already done so.
True repentance, and thus true apologies, are rare gems. I actually don’t like the word “apologize” because it comes from the Greek word that we get “apologetics” from (the defense of the faith).
Defense. That is something that is absent in true repentance. No excuses. No defensive attitude. Just “I have sinned. I do not deserve to be a son in your home.” Real repentance is a gift granted by God and it comes to those who cry out, “God, be merciful to me, the sinner.” No more. Not ifs, ands, or buts.
This is why abuse victims will do well to make their decisions based upon the assumption that abusers never change. If they do, give praise to God, but there is no sure way of knowing until a long while goes by. Why waste another decade or two of your life only to find out that it was fake?
UPDATE Sept 2021: I have come to believe that Jeff Crippen does not practise what he preaches. He vilely persecuted an abuse victim and spiritually abused many other people in the Tillamook congregation. Go here to read the evidence. Jeff has not gone to the people that he spiritually and emotionally abused. He has not apologised to them, let alone asked for their forgiveness.
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Wow, thanks for this Jeff! I have always wondered why ‘apologetics’ (the defense of the faith) had a similar name to ‘apology’. It always seemed weird to me: why apologise for the gospel?
But from what you’ve said, I am understanding that the word ‘apology’ originally connoted the idea of defense: which points to how most so-called apologies are really nothing more than carefully crafted, covertly belligerant, impression management exercises.