A Cry For Justice

Awakening the Evangelical Church to Domestic Violence and Abuse in its Midst

Thursday Thought — God’s View of Abuse Victims

[June 21, 2022: There have been some changes made to this post. For more information, read the Editors’ notes at the bottom of the post. Editors.]

A gem from our GEMS….

I think that at some point, as victims of abuse, we learned to view ourselves through the abuser’s eyes and not God’s eyes. God has used this heinous process to open my eyes to that and change it. I no longer see God viewing me like the abuser views me. I am now once again able to see God viewing me as His Word says He views me — and let me tell you something folks — that is nothing but good.  Good, good, good!

(ACFJ commenter – IamMyBeloved’s)

[June 21, 2022: Editors’ notes:

—For some comments made prior to June 21, 2022 that quoted from the post, the text in the comment that was quoted from the post might no longer be an exact match.
—For some comments made prior to June 21, 2022 that quoted from the post, the text in the comment that was quoted from the post might no longer be found in the post.
If you would like to compare the text in the comments made prior to June 21, 2022 that quoted from the post to the post as it is now (June 21, 2022), click here [Internet Archive link] for the most recent Internet Archive copy of the post.]


  1. freeatlast8

    That is exactly what is happening in my life right now!!! It’s like being born again, AGAIN!!! I am learning more about who I AM in Christ rather than who I WAS in ***** (insert ex’s name). The identity that was put upon me by him, myself, the authors of numerous books, and a multitude of teachers/preachers was wife and mother, ONLY. Anything outside of that was unbiblical and unacceptable.

    I was living in a box with no doors or windows to let fresh ideas and opportunities in to my life. I was reading Scripture only through the lens of those two roles, but feeling in my heart there was more I was called to. If I tried to escape “the box,” it was squeezed tighter around me so as not to allow me any room to move inside of it.

    Well someone came and coaxed me out of the box. I am now free indeed. It is so good, as Iambybeloveds has said. It’s almost a little much to take in. Sometimes in fear I do look back at the empty box in the distance and consder its “safe” confines. But I know my fear of the hugeness of liberty is far better than the oppression of slavery in that tight-fitting box. There’s plenty of room for Jesus to walk with me in this huge place of liberty. There was no room for him inside the box.

  2. StandsWithAFist

    This. Yes!

  3. Karen

    So true TWBTC! Thank-you for posting this quote. As I have often said in living with an abusive spouse day in and day out, it’s like “Living in the land that’s not good enough.” They pet and speak kind words to the dog on the way into the house, then begin the angry barking, whining, and complaining to their wives until the sun goes down.

    I have a few questions that I often ask myself ….”Why does one’s spouse act so differently when the pastor is invited into the home for supper? Why not treat the wife the same in front of the pastor as he does in every day life? Would the husband be asked to be a “guest preacher” if the pastor really saw how he treated his wife in every day living…….or would the pastor be appalled and filled with shame for allowing abusers to preach from the pulpit?”

    I grieve when I have to sit under a man in church who has been allowed “to guest preach” acting so self righteous in his own eyes, especially when their wives call my home in tears, to ask for comfort and prayer, when their marriages and home lives are “not good.” These women are living under the lordship of abusive husbands’ emotionally, mentally, and sometimes physically abusive in nature in their homes, then are tormented all the more in having to hear their husbands preach.

    I guess it is far easier to preach it than it is to live it.

    • KayE

      In my experience it might make no difference at all if the pastor sees how the wife is treated. He will just believe she has done something to deserve that treatment; he will be appalled about “Christians who can’t even make their marriage work” and add that to his next sermon. All shame will be carried by the wife.

  4. Round*Two

    I personally am struggling with my self esteem. I find myself comparing myself to other women. I remember at one point in my life I had confidence, but not so much anymore. I doubt myself often. I DO know I am a child of God, I’m just going through some struggles right now…

    • freeatlast8

      Just know you are not alone. God will help clear the fog like he is so sweetly doing for many of us. 🙂

  5. Round*Two

    Can’t wait to bring my head above that fog! 🙂

  6. lizbreath

    I was sitting with anxious thoughts and scared (panicked) of an unknown future – I was praying but could not see how things could ever change or whether ‘freedom’ was possible… I noticed on the floor beside my bedroom chair a small card – I still do not know how it came to be there or indeed where it came from!
    these were the words:
    “I alone know the plans I have for you,
    plans to bring you prosperity, and not disaster,
    plans to bring about the future you hope for.

    Then you will call to me.

    You will seek me,
    and you will find me
    because you will seek
    me with all your heart”. Jeremiah 29:11-13

    the words really echoed within me. Over the next few months (and years) I came to understand them to be totally true and possible!
    Today I have reread them from The Message and rejoice again!
    Our real identity is in Christ – the essence of who we are is in Him. We are not able to be defined or described by anyone else (not even ourself!), we are not to be denigrated or defamed, because He delights in us; He plans to care for us and provide for us!
    Be assured of this, be encouraged. Be brave and strong!

  7. healingInHim

    Thank you for posting this. Yes … now that much has been taken away from me and it HAS BEEN a difficult journey … Who I am IN CHRIST is becoming quite a work of the heart as to whom my First Love truly is.

  8. This is a diagram suggestive of how it is when we view ourselves through the abuser’s eyes.
    Me  (me?)

  9. Round*Two


    Who I am IN CHRIST is becoming quite a work of the heart as to whom my First Love truly is

    I AM learning this as well! I keep praying and asking the Lord for a HEART change in me! And to make HIM my first love!!

    • healingInHim

      It has been my making Christ my First Love that has brought on “the abuse”. False convert for a spouse and many within and leading the ‘c’hurches has brought on the grief of my life. Pastor Crippen has been preaching concerning the wolves within the ‘c’hurch. These messages help confirm what I am witnessing, however it is still grievous as I come to a point in my life as to whom I can truly call ‘friends’ or ‘family’. I can be considered ‘legalistic’ for speaking out against the Word of Faith or Purpose Driven doctrines.

  10. Robert Simpson

    This article discusses a psychological and social phenomenon seen in abusive religious groups and religious families which may also exist in abusive marriages. It is written by Dr. David Orrison, the Executive Director of Grace for the Heart, a ministry dedicated to proclaiming the sufficiency of Jesus Christ for all aspects of the Christian life.
    Manipulation by Humiliation [Internet Archive link]

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