The Surviving Woman

Posted on by Ellie

I saw this meme the other day.

Super woman(Click on the image to see enlarged version.)

The Abiding Woman seems like a nice lady. But as a Surviving Woman there are days, more than I’d like to admit, that Abiding Woman seems like a cruel unattainable joke. Some days The Surviving Woman is doing well just to make it to the end of another day. There is no shame in this. I am starting my first meme:

The Surviving Woman

  1. Got out of bed.
  2. Prayed for strength to endure.
  3. Fed kids.
  4. Kept kids alive.
  5. Sifted through threats and insults as she cried out to God to defend her.
  6. Activities? No.
  7. Held the kids because she can’t explain.

I don’t have verses for Surviving Woman. Feel free to add to the meme and add verses that might encourage The Surviving Woman.

[September 22, 2025: Editors’ notes:

—For some comments made prior to September 22, 2025 that quoted from the post, the text in the comment that was quoted from the post might no longer be an exact match.
—For some comments made prior to September 22, 2025 that quoted from the post, the text in the comment that was quoted from the post might no longer be found in the post.
If you would like to compare the text in the comments made prior to September 22, 2025 that quoted from the post to the post as it is now (September 22, 2025), click here [Internet Archive link] for the most recent Internet Archive copy of the post.]

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30 thoughts on “The Surviving Woman”

  1. As a humble, single father, I’ve often told people that my parenting strategy often devolves into “ensuring he survives until he’s 18 and giving lots of hugs along the way”.

    As a side note on the original meme, what is the difference between teaching children to be good vs Godly? I guess what is in view is that what some people consider “good” isn’t really, but the impression I’m left with reading the meme is that the author is more concerned with teaching children to be religious rather than good.

    I also find number 6 pretty manipulate, because if you are discouraged by not measuring up to the list on the right, the list on the left is yet another reminder that you aren’t doing it right. It’s not enough to be discouraged, but you have to be discouraged about being discouraged. Or you can just “fake it” instead, possibly even deceiving yourself along with everyone else.

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    1. Jeff, for me the difference in teaching them to be good vs Godly, is in their motivation. The Heart of the Matter [Internet Archive link] is a post at my little blog where I address this sort of thing. My goal is to keep them alive and each day that they are alive teach them to trust in Christ. Faith is trusting in Christ. For me Godliness = trusting in Christ. If the kids in my house do right, but do it with a sorry attitude, it’s not right at all. It is the heart, our trust, our contentment in Christ, that God is after, So when they aren’t trusting, I address it. “You can trust God” is the go to phrase in my parenting. And if they are not demonstrating trust, “Are you trusting God?” is the question that comes. When they are not getting to go where they want the question is, “Can you trust God to order your steps and get you where you need to go?” When they aren’t getting the toy they want, “Can you trust God to provide the toys you need?” is the question I ask. And I lead them in a prayer to teach them to ask God about what’s worrying them. It’s not a grand giant long prayer, but a quick, “Lord I want to go to Grandma’s. Can you help me get there in your timing?” kind of prayer.

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      1. I don’t want to digress TOO FAR off topic, and I take your meaning.

        For me, the semantics I use is “right” vs “good”, which is a helpful distinction for my own introspection. If I choose to do what is “right” because I’m in obedience to the letter of the law, I can miss what is “good” completely. But for me, “good” will always be synonymous with “Godly”. I just can’t envision those two things being at odds.

        Really, t I think we’re on the same page. I just think an outsider reading this list might not get the meaning. In a world where people think religion is a means to get good people to do bad things, contrasting “good” and “Godly” seems to me to run the risk of encouraging that (wrong) stereotype.

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    2. Jeff, I agree about #6. It brought back a lot of bad feelings. I think any Christian woman would look at the list of traits of the “abiding woman” and feel inadequate. What was even the point of this list? Is it supposed to be encouraging? Do any of us really need to be reminded of what a perfect Christian woman should be like?

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  2. Ellie- When we first moved to Montana, way up in the mountains where I was the pastor of our first church, we experienced -40 and once even -50 degrees (farenheit) temperatures. At -40, propane has no vapor pressure which means if you heat or cook with it or heat your hot water with it, you are in trouble. It doesn’t flow. And that means pipes start to freeze, and then any residue in your drain pipes congeals all up so the drains are clogged. Cars don’t start without an engine heater at -20.

    In our first experience of this, I tried to do everything that I normally did in my work (sermon preparation, studies, etc), but kept getting interrupted by having to deal with all the problems. I finally figured out that when it gets that cold, there is only one thing you can do and that you really need to do. Namely, survive. That means keeping the woodstove going, setting up alternative ways to cook the food and heat the water (on the woodstove), and that is just about it. It is called survivor mode. And until the weather warms up, that is the right mode to be in.

    So it is with us when abuse makes our lives so complicated. The healthy thing to do is really the only thing we can do – things such as you have put on your survivor list.

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  3. Makes me sad for every woman who relates., including my daughter, to read that…

    There is no doubt, most books for women, will likely have that same affect on my daughter as she lives out her life, reminders, of a young woman’s hopes and dreams of love and marriage… that did not turn out the way she had hoped, and not comparable to most women’s experience. :(

    Thank you Sarah…I am sending those to my daughter now. :)

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  4. Wow, Ellie. I don’t even know what to say, except, wow. And thanks for posting this. I get it. Most of us here probably do. Sadly.

    I would add:

    8. Hoped. Hoped for a better future for herself and her children, even it that future doesn’t come until we are with the Lord.

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  5. 1. Psalm 119:147 – I rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in Your Word.

    2. Psalm 17:6-8 – I call on you, my God, for you will answer me; turn your ear to me and hear my prayer.Show me the wonders of your great love,you who save by your right hand those who take refuge in you from their foes. Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings

    3. Psalm 37:25 I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread.

    4. Psalm 72:4 May he defend the afflicted among the people and save the children of the needy; may he crush the oppressor.

    5. Psalm 35:27 Awake, and rise to my defense! Contend for me, my God and Lord. (Actually the whole chapter is good for this theme)

    6. Psalm 31:10 My life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning; my strength fails because of my affliction, and my bones grow weak.

    7. Lamentations 1:16 This is why I weep and my eyes overflow with tears. No one is near to comfort me, no one to restore my spirit. My children are destitute because the enemy has prevailed.

    8. She wonders when it will end: Psalm 13:1-2 How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?

    9. She despairs of justice: Psalm 10 – Why, Lord, do you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble? … the whole chapter is good here.

    10. She goes to bed but does not rest: Job 30:17 Night pierces my bones; my gnawing pains never rest.

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  6. Worst days example to give a general idea:
    1) I ask my ten year old to bring me a coffee.
    2) We eat simply in survival mode status
    3) Open up my NIV Life Application Study Bible
    4) Have the kids do reading and writing out of the Bible and then maybe even some math
    5) lunch
    6) Basic chores: trash taken out, beds made, dishes organized and set to soak, maybe do a load of laundry.
    7) let kids ride bikes while I read (my fun time)
    8) prepare dinner, clean up
    9) try to get everybody showered
    10) prayer happens in sighs throughout the day or before a meal

    –This was a productive day, and actually I’ve been in this mode for a really long time.

    –Maybe once a month I’ll get to spend some significant alone time with God while husband takes the kids out.

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  7. Add to #3 Fed Kids and #4 Kept Kids Alive “with only $83 in my bank account because injustice has robbed me of child support.”

    The Surviving Woman goes through her day trying to hold tears back. She is demoralized and hopeless. She can’t find a silver lining because hers is threadbare.

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  8. Your piece was so incredibly sad. I remember those feelings well. But, you need not play the spiritual game. God does not condone abuse and, if you have not removed yourself and your children from that abuser yet, I pray you will.

    A man of great anger must bear [his own] penalty, for if you rescue him, you will only have to do it again. Proverbs 19:19

    An abuser must beheld accountable for his behaviors. As long as you remain or accommodate his behaviors or enable him in any way, you set yourself up for more of the same. Thankfully, our God is not only a God of righteousness and promise, but He is a God of action grounded in truth.

    I wish you well.

    Cindy

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    1. I agree Katy. I think many of them do it because it helps buoy them up in denial of the reality of their lives. If you can manage to squeeze yourself into the Abiding Woman straightjacket and convince yourself it’s okay and all those horrible red flags aren’t really flapping, then your sense of self-worth doesn’t get sucked into the black hole.

      There is something sentimental about those kinds of memes.

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  10. I lived like the Super Woman in many aspects for years. I now am an Abiding Women in some aspects. Nearly every day I cry out to God “how long!?”.
    To top off my situation my husband has a type of cancer. Abuse intensified with this diagnosis. I groan at times in my spirit, I want to be released from this bondage and prison. God gave me a promise He WILL release me from my task masters a few years back ( this verse is referring to the children of Israel that were in bondage in Egypt ) … partly been fulfilled in one situation and yet to unfold in another. I dont know what that release looks like as yet but a picture is unfolding.
    Some days I want to die. I daydream about ways of taking my life. I sometimes consider going back to my old way of life. I get exhausted, depressed, anxious, fearful. Somedays I feel like im losing my way BUT there are days where I pick up my bible and the Lord gives me scripture or He shows he is there somehow. God is on my side.

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  11. Psalms 32, verses 7-9
    Thou art my hiding place; thou shalt preserve me from trouble; thou shalt compass me about with songs of deliverance. Se’lah
    I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye.
    Be ye not as the horse, or as the mule, which have no understanding: whose mouth must be held in with bit and bridle, lest they come near unto thee.

    These verses have and still help me!!

    & check out my song that I wrote about what I went through on youtube.com, “Deceived” by Debbie Price

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  12. “Fed kids…kept kid alive…” LOL! I can sooo relate to that. Days when, “my think is broken, I have the dumb. taking a nap now…”

    Thanks for the reality check, and the smile, Ellie. :))

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  13. Every woman I know identifies with The Surviving Woman–even the Super and Abiding women :)For me–learning that every day is a new day, and that God’s plans for me are for a hope and a future (Jer. 29:11) help me through survival mode to Abiding. Skip Super!

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  14. Today I have been greatly encouraged by Ps55. I am stunned, in fact, by what I have read. Over the years certain scriptures from this Psalm have encouraged me but today this whole Psalm God has used. I read this after to a study on Charm being deceitful… cross references brought me to it.
    Victims be encouraged when you read it. Read it in different versions. The companion David speaks of for me is my husband. Look at it from this aspect and I trust you too will be encouraged.

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  15. Cindy, you also have to mention that just leaving the abuser doesn’t make the bad times end. We’ve been divorced for 3 weeks and the hits just keep on coming. Court did nothing to help with justice and instead favored the abuser. This does nothing for the self esteem of the person wanting to “hold the abuser accountable” HA! The abuser is even more emboldened because he was so validated during the whole process. How do we hold somebody accountable when the church and the legal system gives them whatever they want while they lie, cheat and steal during the whole procedure?

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