A Cry For Justice

Awakening the Evangelical Church to Domestic Violence and Abuse in its Midst

Digital Stalking — a site our readers might find helpful

Informational post: we have added this site to our Resources page.

Digital Stalking [Internet Archive link]

If you have any feedback on this resource, please share it here.

4 Comments

  1. Still Scared( but getting angry)

    So timely for me! My ex-idiot hacked my email again! Five times that I know of in three years!

  2. Otter

    It’s so important to see the warning signs of this early. Here were mine:

    1) He was jealous over male friends posting on my Facebook page even though there was no flirtation.
    2) Facebook profile picture…it had to have him. I posted a profile photo of us together, and then a few weeks later, I changed it to one with a few friends. He threw a terrible tantrum because I had taken him off of my profile pic.
    3) Unfriending frequently. He would “unfriend” me when I tried to leave after his episodes of rage.
    4) Control over statuses: He also became angry over “relationship status” and engagement dates posted. Since he unfriended me frequently, I had to keep setting these back. If I made a mistake, he would rant/tantrum.
    5) Obsessive phone calling. If there was a disagreement, I would usually end up with 15-20 hang-ups on my answering machine.
    6) Calling at inappropriate times: If he woke up in a rage/anxiety attack, he would call in the middle of the night…12:00, 3:00, 5:00 a.m. This really scared me because people don’t call at this time unless there’s been an accident. He wouldn’t accept boundaries on this…even when I explained that I had an autoimmune disorder and needed to sleep.
    7) Unreasonable expectations to communicate: As anyone in education knows, you don’t have time or privacy for personal calls in a school setting. I told him I was totally available all evening for conversation, but he would call at 7:30 a.m. and then get angry with me when I told him I had kids to help. He guilted me by saying put work before him.
    8) Monitoring: Sometimes if I was overtired from my illness, I would let the answering machine take his message and plan to call him back after resting. Later when I called him back, he would somehow know I had done this and that it was “wrong” and “dishonest.” I began to wonder if he had some kind of camera set up in my house. It was very unsettling.

    It’s amazing what you minimize at the time. I just kept telling myself that he was struggling with PTSD from childhood abuse and abandonment. I hoped that with lots of love, honesty, and transparency that he would heal. Imagine my surprise when all my attempts backfired and he got worse. I’m thankful I finally found a good counselor who explained abuse and personality disorders and helped free me from this exhausting drama.

    • Still Scared( but getting angry)

      Otter, sounds so familiar! My ex-idiot was so upset over relationship status and had to post on everything I said, everything! When I blocked him he switched to having to comment on anything I commented on my kid’s status’s!! Ridiculous. The phone calling or texting. I have him blocked now but yes, I would be busy with kids and not answer and I was wrong! He also would email ALL the time before texting was really being used and I had young kids, I checked email once a day. I would get in trouble because I didn’t see the three emails that changed what he wanted for dinner that night and so I made kielbassa instead of sausage! Not calling at inappropriate times, though he did but wanting to have deep intellectual discussions regularly at 3am. He would nap so 3am was no problem. I has caring for house, kids, making meals. 3am meant missed sleep! SO glad, glad to be free!

  3. Ellie

    I blocked X from being able to see my FB status. I still got an email telling me how my FB posts hurt him. I don’t think I’ve mentioned X in a single FB post since maybe 2011. So how in the world would my FB posts, that he’s not supposed to be able to see in the first place, hurt him? I post articles and links to articles that have resources to help abuse victims. I post fun pics of the kids, a Bible verse here and there. How could that hurt him? And how did he see any of it?

Leave a comment. It's ok to use a made up name (e.g Anon37). For safety tips read 'New Users Info' (top menu). Tick the box if you want to be notified of new comments.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: