A Cry For Justice

Awakening the Evangelical Church to Domestic Violence and Abuse in its Midst

Christian Dating and Chat – How to Connect with a Psychopath

UPDATE Sept 2021: I have come to believe that Jeff Crippen does not practise what he preaches. He vilely persecuted an abuse victim and spiritually abused many other people in the Tillamook congregation. Go here to read the evidence. Jeff has not gone to the people that he spiritually and emotionally abused. He has not apologised to them, let alone asked for their forgiveness.

***

We are working with a woman who professes Christ, who was severely abused by her ex for 37 years, and who has been away from him for about one year.  In that short time, she has very nearly connected with two more full-blown psychopaths.  How?  The internet.  Specifically through “Christian” chat channels.  To all victims of domestic violence and abuse, here is a warning all of us need to get – if you go looking for a relationship on the internet after escaping from one abuser, prepare to jump right into the arms of another one.  Stay away!  Throw your computer in the trash if you have to (well, then you wouldn’t be able to read this blog…. hmmmm…. well, do what you need to).

The first guy this lady connected with was a real loser.  Maybe not a full-blown psychopath, but a guy who had been through numerous marriages.  Oh, yes – and he was a Christian.  He was, I tell you.  He told her so.  He loved Jesus.   She ‘fessed up, to her credit, in our small abuse victim support/therapy group.  We worked through it, got her disconnected from him, and all was well….. we thought.

About the same time she went a cruisin’ in the Christian world of Christian chat where everyone, of course, is a Christian and they all tell how they love Jesus and they quote Scripture and….    Enter… let’s call him Anthony .  For some months, Anthony and our friend chatted.  She was absolutely convinced that Anthony was a godly man.  Why, Anthony even had her call his pastor, which our friend did.  His pastor (a she) said Anthony was a wonderful Christian man.  Last week our friend ‘fessed up to the group once again.  Anthony had been telling her he is a computer expert and that he had been monitoring her chat activities with others and he wanted to know what she was talking to them about.  Oh, and Anthony was making preparations to come on down and see her.  He had bought rings.  RINGS!!  How does that line go in Lord of the Rings?  The one to bind them all!

Whoa!  the group members screamed!  You are connected with a predatory psychopath.  What in the %^&$# do you think you are doing (symbols for Christian exclamations).  She wasn’t having any of our objections, so we turned up the heat.  “How many of you think our friend here is messing up big time?” I asked.  All hands shot up in the air.  It took us quite a bit more time to get her attention. She promised she would disconnect Anthony.  She gave me his email.  I emailed him and in as tactful of the language of psychopathy, I gave him the Dear John letter.  Today I received two threatening emails from him.  He has been leaving messages on her phone every 5 minutes, threatening her that if she does not call him he is going to email compromising photos of her to her church and to her place of employment.  She had Skyped him and he claims he took her picture.  Don’t know if that’s true.

I sent her to the police.  Not much they can do.  Now she has endangered herself, me, my wife, our whole church.  Our only hope is that Anthony is all full of it.  He may be – apparently marriage hasn’t worked for him (his wife was a real witch, he says so) – and he lives with his mommy.

If I sound sarcastic it’s because I’m mad.  Mad at wicked men like Walter who cruise the internet like a shark looking for easy prey, which abuse victims are.  And mad at my friend for being so, so, well, you know.  I intend to stay mad at Anthony.  I won’t stay mad at my friend  unless she does it again.   Then we’re done.  I won’t let even my friends endanger my family or my church.  She says she has learned her lesson.

I hope you have too.

8 Comments

  1. Gee, Walter sure amped it up quickly, didn’t he? That’s a sure sign. Tell them to rack off and then watch what happens. If they can’t take a firm No for an answer, they are definitely an abuser. And all that electronic spying: what a give-away! Many abusers are expert at computers and technology has made the world of stalking far more scary than it used to be. It’s a whole new ball game out there. Browser beware!

    Ladies, the world of fairytales that we imbibed as little girls, and that is blared to us on every advert and most pop songs, is just not real. If we think that some knight in shining armour is going to ride up to us on the internet and save us from all our troubles, we are setting ourselves up for a big nightmare. There are too many predators cruising out there.

    There ARE nice Christian men who are single, but they are probably not going to be cruising on chat rooms. Just go about your life, work thru your abuse issues from the past, and devote your spare energy (if you have any spare energy) to safely helping and mutually supporting others. That way, God can bring a good man across your path in the right time.

    • Bitter But Getting Better

      Barb, this is very helpful: “If they can’t take a firm No for an answer, they are definitely an abuser.”
      Yesterday I went for a walk with a rather new friend. I was confused about her. I am a little paranoid about trusting people because I have obviously been so bad at it with my h. Red flags were rising about different things and then yesterday she asked me to join her and go to an event that I wanted to go to as well. She said on the way back she wanted to take a 2 hour detour to go somewhere else. I said I didn’t really want to do that and the fangs came out. She spent the next hour trying a dozen different ways to get me to accept the plan. Last night I could not sleep. This morning I texted her that I cannot go with her at all. Feeling like I have escaped, just barely, from another wolf. Your words were a confirmation. Thanks!

  2. Now Free

    You all are in my prayers, Jeff…

  3. 12 Star Truth

    This woman needs prayer… and boundaries. I think she would do well to focus on being the bride of Christ and doing charitable works. I really mean that. What’s wrong with Christians dedicating their lives to Jesus and charitable works?? Do that enough, one gets healthy. God bless.

    • Jeff Crippen

      Great advice. Thanks. Yes, we have set boundaries now and she has agreed to them. And understanding who we are in Christ is absolutely vital – otherwise the shame and false guilt will make us real targets. Thinking more about others than ourselves is wise advice for sure! Self-consumption brings no good thing.

      • Praise the Lord. You know, when I read that — and heard of the sufferings of the body who stood with this woman — that was so Christlike. You stood with her where she had not strength nor boundaries established inside — or she would not have stood. You may have saved her life. God bless you.

  4. Following on from what 12 Star Truth said, here’s my own little story, which is an example of how that transpired for me. [Please don’t hear this as a recipe for every woman to find a husband; I don’t believe there are any recipes. My case is just my case; one anecdote.]

    After about ten years of living the single life following my abusive marriage, I volunteered to do some ‘charitable works’ for my State’s Hepatitis C Council: they had asked for people who might like to be public speakers to present their personal experiences of living with Hep C. I went along to the introductory evening …. and met the man who eventually became my new husband.
    We had each gone there simply to put something back into the community, after having experienced benefit and kindness from the Hep C Council (advice, info, support, etc,) in our own separate journeys with Hep C. Each of us volunteered there because we felt we maybe had something to offer due to our experiences. Neither of us were there looking for a new partner. By devoting ourselves to doing good works, it just so happened that we found each other. And we even discovered that we were both Christians, that very first night!

    This story also illustrates how doing good works is not restricted to doing Church Works.
    Helping the Hep C community is just as charitable as helping anyone else who is struggling with a tough set of circumstances.

  5. Anonymous

    I love these old posts because it’s all still relevant information!

    I’ve had a hacker for years now and he’s a demon in the sense that he will not stop hacking our family. I know who he is, where he lives and how he got in but as you’ve pointed out Jeff–there is nothing that can really be done. I’ve called the police and other agencies but they don’t have time to pursue a hacker who hasn’t “stolen” from us and who only wants to manipulate our electronics. He’s obviously a psychopath as he continues to harass all of us and is able to manipulate anything that can be controlled via wireless communication. When it first started years ago and I tried to get help, people told me that the things he was doing were impossible! (With the implication that I was imagining things–or that I was crazy. Man, being called crazy NEVER gets old, does it?) But as time went on more people started realizing and blogging about it, and I found out that the things he did were really not hard at all for a determined hacker to accomplish.

    By the way, the method he used to hack us was from a picture on his facebook–when it was clicked on it infected our computer. And since he’s gotten in he’s been relentless in constantly harassing us in innumerable ways. Due to this evil, it makes everything else in our lives harder–knowing that this person is monitoring us and has access to all our electronic devices.

    All these trials help release me from any ties I have to this life. John 12:25, “Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life.” I will probably never be free from this hacker in this life but at least when this life is over he will not be around me and will pay dearly in hell for the evil he’s done.

    We’ve replaced computers, had new routers installed, spent thousands of dollars and it did no good because these people can hack you wirelessly. And just to add to the horror, anything that has a speaker can be turned into a microphone (there are Youtube videos that teach this) so they can hear you too. I never knew anything about computers prior to this happening to me, and I still don’t know much about how to operate them but what I do know is this ain’t Kansas anymore!

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