I have a question. In 1 Corinthians 6 Paul appears to be saying two things [Ex Auditu, vol 2, “A Law Professor looks at 1 Corinthians 6.”]:
1) litigation between believers is prohibited. “Christians should not take their disputes before judicial tribunals presided over by those who are not followers of Jesus Christ. Instead, they should”
2) “employ a method of internal dispute resolution within the Christian community itself.”
“Paul concludes that it would be better for Christians to renounce their own rights and absorb injury even though they have just cause.” (Ex Auditu, vol 2, “A Law Professor looks at 1 Corinthians 6.”)
Furthermore Paul appears to advocate mediation between disputing parties as the method to resolve the dispute (point 1 above).
So here’s my question: Assuming I have represented Paul correctly, how does this square with a spouse seeking a PFA against her / his spouse? Should we view this (seeking a PFA) as a form of litigation before a non-Christian court?
A related question: What role do you believe church discipline should play in such a scenario?
Hello David, thanks for your question.
I am not familiar with the acronym PFA but a quick search suggested it might mean Prevention From Abuse.
I will answer your question by writing a post. I’ll give you a heads up here when I have published the post. But as a preliminary, let me note that we recognise that abuse can be perpetrated by both men and women, and victims of abuse can be of either sex. But we also recognise that in spousal abuse the majority of abusers are men and the majority of victims are women and children. So we often refer to the victim as female and the perpetrator as male.
And I encourage you to read our definition of domestic abuse. It is in the sidebar of the blog.
Here are two of our FAQ pages which you might like to explore, while you are waiting for my post.
I ordered Not Under Bondage and I’m curious if it or this website addresses a situation where the abuser (mainly emotional & verbal for 10 years) is now claiming to be born again and changed. He has stopped yelling, but continues his controlling behavior on a lesser scale. Very much narcissistic-like. Of course as the victim, I feel almost the same hurt as a result of my PTSD.
This “change” happened when he realized he was actually losing me and I can’t help but feel it was just a show to keep me. At first he was a completely different man, but over the last year it has slowly worn off. He expected me to just right back in like no abuse ever happened and since I haven’t [done what he expected] he is upset.
Every counselor & pastor we have seen has told me divorce is not warranted. I wish I found your book years ago. I feel like I lost my chance of leaving when he was a monster, now he is convinced he’s a new man. I don’t feel like I can ever trust him again and don’t want to be with him. But I am torn as we have children who still live at home and the atmosphere is a lot better. However I do see his extreme harshness at them arise some still.
Dear sister. You are not too late. Your account tells me more than enough to know that you are victim of a covertly abusive and manipulative husband and you DO have biblical grounds to divorce him.
The counselors and pastors who told you divorce is not warranted in your situation — they do not understand domestic abuse, nor do they understand that the Bible give liberty to a victim divorce an abusive spouse.
You feelings are right: your husband put on a show of change and stopped yelling. He did that to try to convince you and other people (counselors, pastors, church-going ‘friends’ and your kids) that he has repented and changed. His change was superficial and he did it with manipulative intent.
We can tell that his change was superficial and done with manipulative intent because:
—His ‘change’ has slowly worn off.
—He expected you to come right back in to the relationship as if he was totally trustworthy now.
—His expectation was unreasonable because he was not recognising or taking into account how many many times he wounded and traumatised you with his past behaviour.
—He has not done any of the hard work necessary to fully repent and his embedded mentality of entitlement and superiority and ‘ownership’ of you.
—He has not gone to all the people he lied to in the past and confessed his lies. He has not given you whatever time you need to recover from the wounds he gave you.
—He is still being harsh to the children sometimes.
This website does have a lot of help for you. Welcome!
I encourage you to click on this link FAQ. It is our FAQ page. Explore all the topics that interest you there. 🙂
I’m glad you used a pseudonym to submit your comment — that helps you keep safe. In your comment I airbrushed the details of how many children you have, to help protect you from being identified by your abuser or others who know you.
Again, welcome to the blog! I hope you keep commenting here.
Your husband has just modified his abusive tactics a bit, but he is still an abuser. It is not your fault. You are not to blame. He has down what abusers TYPICALLY do.
—He is still laying expectations on you so he is still an abuser.
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A Cry For Justice 
I have a question. In 1 Corinthians 6 Paul appears to be saying two things [Ex Auditu, vol 2, “A Law Professor looks at 1 Corinthians 6.”]:
1) litigation between believers is prohibited. “Christians should not take their disputes before judicial tribunals presided over by those who are not followers of Jesus Christ. Instead, they should”
2) “employ a method of internal dispute resolution within the Christian community itself.”
“Paul concludes that it would be better for Christians to renounce their own rights and absorb injury even though they have just cause.” (Ex Auditu, vol 2, “A Law Professor looks at 1 Corinthians 6.”)
Furthermore Paul appears to advocate mediation between disputing parties as the method to resolve the dispute (point 1 above).
So here’s my question: Assuming I have represented Paul correctly, how does this square with a spouse seeking a PFA against her / his spouse? Should we view this (seeking a PFA) as a form of litigation before a non-Christian court?
A related question: What role do you believe church discipline should play in such a scenario?
Hello David, thanks for your question.
I am not familiar with the acronym PFA but a quick search suggested it might mean Prevention From Abuse.
I will answer your question by writing a post. I’ll give you a heads up here when I have published the post. But as a preliminary, let me note that we recognise that abuse can be perpetrated by both men and women, and victims of abuse can be of either sex. But we also recognise that in spousal abuse the majority of abusers are men and the majority of victims are women and children. So we often refer to the victim as female and the perpetrator as male.
And I encourage you to read our definition of domestic abuse. It is in the sidebar of the blog.
Here are two of our FAQ pages which you might like to explore, while you are waiting for my post.
FAQ — How does church discipline apply in cases of domestic abuse?
FAQ — What about couple counseling … this is relevant to mediation
Hi David, this post will hopefully answer your question:
“Do not take a brother to court” – does it mean you can’t seek a protection order against your abuser?
I ordered Not Under Bondage and I’m curious if it or this website addresses a situation where the abuser (mainly emotional & verbal for 10 years) is now claiming to be born again and changed. He has stopped yelling, but continues his controlling behavior on a lesser scale. Very much narcissistic-like. Of course as the victim, I feel almost the same hurt as a result of my PTSD.
This “change” happened when he realized he was actually losing me and I can’t help but feel it was just a show to keep me. At first he was a completely different man, but over the last year it has slowly worn off. He expected me to just right back in like no abuse ever happened and since I haven’t [done what he expected] he is upset.
Every counselor & pastor we have seen has told me divorce is not warranted. I wish I found your book years ago. I feel like I lost my chance of leaving when he was a monster, now he is convinced he’s a new man. I don’t feel like I can ever trust him again and don’t want to be with him. But I am torn as we have children who still live at home and the atmosphere is a lot better. However I do see his extreme harshness at them arise some still.
Dear sister. You are not too late. Your account tells me more than enough to know that you are victim of a covertly abusive and manipulative husband and you DO have biblical grounds to divorce him.
The counselors and pastors who told you divorce is not warranted in your situation — they do not understand domestic abuse, nor do they understand that the Bible give liberty to a victim divorce an abusive spouse.
You feelings are right: your husband put on a show of change and stopped yelling. He did that to try to convince you and other people (counselors, pastors, church-going ‘friends’ and your kids) that he has repented and changed. His change was superficial and he did it with manipulative intent.
We can tell that his change was superficial and done with manipulative intent because:
—His ‘change’ has slowly worn off.
—He expected you to come right back in to the relationship as if he was totally trustworthy now.
—His expectation was unreasonable because he was not recognising or taking into account how many many times he wounded and traumatised you with his past behaviour.
—He has not done any of the hard work necessary to fully repent and his embedded mentality of entitlement and superiority and ‘ownership’ of you.
—He has not gone to all the people he lied to in the past and confessed his lies. He has not given you whatever time you need to recover from the wounds he gave you.
—He is still being harsh to the children sometimes.
This website does have a lot of help for you. Welcome!
I encourage you to click on this link FAQ. It is our FAQ page. Explore all the topics that interest you there. 🙂
I’m glad you used a pseudonym to submit your comment — that helps you keep safe. In your comment I airbrushed the details of how many children you have, to help protect you from being identified by your abuser or others who know you.
Again, welcome to the blog! I hope you keep commenting here.
My book Not Under Bondage [Affiliate link] will assure you that you DO have grounds for divorce. 🙂 🙂
Your husband has just modified his abusive tactics a bit, but he is still an abuser. It is not your fault. You are not to blame. He has down what abusers TYPICALLY do.
—He is still laying expectations on you so he is still an abuser.