Hadassah’s Legacy – Truth, Courage, Compassion, Justice & Intimate Partner Abuse

8 thoughts on “Hadassah’s Legacy – Truth, Courage, Compassion, Justice & Intimate Partner Abuse”

1. When Esther’s words were reported to Mordecai, he sent back this answer: “Do not think that because you are in the king’s house you alone of all the Jews will escape. For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?” (Esther 4:12-14)

   As I commented on the post referencing Asperger’s and domestic abuse, I am neither ASD nor NT, though I do have some Asperger-like traits.

   These Asperger-like traits have led to abusive relationships, though until I read the ACFJ post, I never realized such was the problem.

   With time, I can learn appropriate responses.

   When it comes to relating to people, my skill-set is a mixture of tools. I have a sense-feel capacity, due solely to God’s gift of healing. I am absolutely obedient to the Holy Spirit, no matter the cost to me personally.

   I am puzzled in recent days, however, by leadings by the Holy Spirit – they will require healing at a level I have not yet attained, nor ever thought possible. I will still face limitations. I will still face my Asperger-like traits. I am OK with that, really I am.

   I used to think my inability to feel the way an NT person does was due to these Asperger-like traits. Recently, I have been led by the Holy Spirit to understand something completely different. Extreme sexual abuse, starting from the day I was born, altered the way my heart and mind interconnected, especially with respect to my body.

   The Holy Spirit has led me through this entire healing process – there is no other Counsellor who has the capacity for this level of healing.

   I still have difficulty believing my end goal of feeling – rather than sense-feeling – will ever be attained. If it DOES happen though, I will have new things to learn.

   And I’m OK with that, too. Really, I am.

   As long as the Holy Spirit leads me, I will follow, I follow no one else – God, Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit – my all in One.

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   1. Adding on to my earlier comment….sometimes I am REALLY slow on the uptake.

      The Holy Spirit led me to read some testimonies, specifically those of people in some forms of ministry, not necessarily church.

      When I was still “married”, I had a small healing ministry. I longed to be part of God’s greater plan, but somehow understood my then-“husband” would hold me back – he was an abuser, and wanted all attention on him, not God.

      In later years, I ran into a similar circumstance, an abuser of greater magnitude, a “C”hristian blasphemer, if wording it like that make sense.

      I am now called – again – to some form of healing ministry, this time, more than one. I cannot even comprehend the healing my God has to do in me, but then, I am not God. And – quite frankly – a bit slower on the uptake on some things than many. :-)

      I think if I had known this any sooner, I would have been nowhere near prepared.

      Now, at least, I understand I have always kept my eyes on Christ. I didn’t understand – as with everything else in my life – I have followed a convoluted path.

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   2. Extreme sexual abuse, starting from the day you were born, would alter the way your heart and mind interconnected, especially with respect to your body. I cannot imagine how much was altered….it is way way beyond my experience. But I do know you are following the One who can heal you.

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2. This post was updated 08/26/20. Please refer to the update information at the top of the post for further information.

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3. I realise that both the original blog post and updates are now several years old but came across this particular post.

   I just wanted to add a comment here for the many autistic women who have suffered domestic violence at the hands of their partners — some of whom [are] autistic too, but most who are neurotypical. It’s only been in the last few years (since the original post was written) that society has started to realise that autistic people are not at all lacking in empathy compared to neurotypical people. In fact, some studies are showing that autistic people actually might be MORE empathetic than neurotypical people on average. I personally suspect that autistic people and neurotypical people actually start out with the same levels of empathy, but due to growing up in a neurotypical-majority world where autistic people are bullied and ostracised for being different, most learn that they have to go out of their way to understand neurotypical people just to escape some of the bullying and abuse.

   It’s called the “double empathy problem” for those who want to know more about why it’s a total complete myth that autistic people are lacking in empathy.

   That’s not to say that there aren’t autistic people who are abusers or lacking empathy. I think other comments including the author of the original blog [post] touch (albeit very briefly) on this. Just like some neurotypical people are abusers, there are some autistic people who are abusers too.

   And, due to decades of misinformation about autism, even amongst so-called “professionals” [mental health professionals who are not experts in autism but happy to throw labels on people when they have no idea what they are doing], there are sadly numerous narcissists (men in particular) who have been told they have autism when in fact they actually have narcissistic personality disorder and not autism.

   It’s part of why there is such a huge gap in numbers of men and women diagnosed with autism despite many researchers believing that there are actually equal numbers of autistic men and women. Women with autism are frequently misdiagnosed with personality disorders because of the way psychiatry has dismissed differences in women as being a “personality disorder” for thousands of years (in the “good ol’ days” of psychiatry, it was labelled hysteria), whereas men who ARE actually mentally disturbed (personality disordered) are frequently diagnosed with “more friendly” diagnoses such as “autism” because most people, including the average mental health professional, would rather believe that dangerously narcissistic men are just “different” not disturbed / disordered. Meaning there are a LOT of abusive men out there claiming to be autistic, who even have diagnoses of “autism” or “Asperger’s” who are not autistic at all, and are just plain narcissists, completely lacking in empathy.

   As an autistic woman who has survived (and is still going through) severe abuse at the hands of a narcissistic man who has an autism diagnosis, every day I wonder if the autism diagnosis he has received is correct. Especially as he has convinced numerous professionals since our separation that he “no longer has autism” and “has grown out of it” (which any competent professional knows is garbage as autism is for life). But even if he is autistic (and not only a narcissistic personality disorder sufferer), the reality is, his NPD is entirely separate from any autism he may or may not have.

   I personally am an out and proud autistic woman. And I have daughters who are out and proud autistic women. Our autism makes us more empathetic, more kind, more welcoming to people who are different. And having worked in “caring” careers for most of my life, I’ve seen over and over again that autistic people are often amongst the most genuinely caring people there are. So it horrifies me when people think that autism is somehow related to lacking in empathy and somehow related to being narcissistic and abusive. Even amongst autistic men. In one job I had, I worked solely with autistic colleagues, and the warmth and empathy in that workplace was amazing and beautiful in a way that I had not seen before or since that workplace.

   So for me, even if my extremely controlling, abusive ex’s autism diagnosis is accurate, I can say quite bluntly that any autism he has, has nothing at all to do with his abusiveness or lack of empathy, and everything to do with his definite narcissistic personality disorder.

   I hope by adding this comment, that other autistic women like myself who have suffered severe family violence, which has included being targeted by abusive men because we are “different”, and which has included having our autism diagnoses used against us by these abusers to convince others to disbelieve us, or in some cases to even pretend that we are the abusers in the relationship, and to engage in behaviours like use our autism diagnosis to commit the ultimate abuse and take away our children, to isolate our children and continue to commit terrible abuses against our children where we have been cut off from them and can’t protect them, purely because we live in a society where places like family court think violent fathers are better than autistic mothers — I hope that every autistic woman, and especially autistic mothers, who have been through any of this, know that the problem is not autism, that autism doesn’t make them a bad person or an abuser, that autism doesn’t mean they are lacking in empathy, but autism can make them a target for horrific abuse and horrific discrimination and injustice.

   And I want you to know you are not alone if you have suffered this.

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   1. Thank you so much, dear sister! Your comment is wonderful. 🥰 I really appreciate you taking the time to write it. I’m confident it will help and encourage some readers, and it will educate most people who take the time to read it.

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      1. Barb,

         You wrote (11th August 2023):

         Your [AutisticDVSurvivor’s] comment….I really appreciate you taking the time to write it. I’m confident it will help and encourage some readers, and it will educate….[some]….people who take the time to read it.

         (AutisticDVSurvivor’s name and the word “some” in brackets were added by me.)

         That. 😊

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   2. AutisticDVSurvivor,

      You wrote (11th August 2023):

      I just wanted to add a comment here for the many autistic women who have suffered domestic violence at the hands of their partners

      Thank you for taking the time to write a lengthy — meant in a positive sense — comment.😊

      You wrote:

      It’s called the “double empathy problem” for those who want to know more about why it’s a total complete myth that autistic people are lacking in empathy.

      No offence intended to you, AutisticDVSurvivor 😊 — I’ve included a Wikipedia link for anyone who might be interested in more information on the Double empathy problem [Internet Archive link].

      You wrote:

      I personally am an out and proud….[high-functioning Asperger]….woman.

      (The phrase “high-functioning Asperger” in brackets was added by me.)

      That. 😊

      You wrote:

      In one job I had, I worked solely with autistic colleagues, and the warmth and empathy in that workplace was amazing and beautiful in a way that I had not seen before or since that workplace.

      I believe you, AutisticDVSurvivor. 😊 And many people still think that Autistic or Asperger’s people lack empathy and / or are unable to work….yet I worked for many years (omitting details for my safety and protection) and have empathy. The only reason I’m unable to work now is a combination of being a high-functioning Asperger woman with Complex-PTSD.

      You wrote:

      I hope by adding this comment, that other….[high-functioning Asperger]….women like myself who have suffered severe family….[and non-family abuse of many kinds]….which has included being targeted by abusive men [and women] because….[I am]….“different”

      (The phrases “high-functioning Asperger”, “and non-family abuse of many kinds”, and “I am” were added by me.)

      That.

      You wrote:

      And I want you to know you are not alone if you have suffered this.

      That.

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