Thursday Thought — Father’s rights organizations or Father’s supremacy organizations?
This is an excerpt from the Lundy Bancroft pt7 on DV in Popular Culture youtube video. The following quote is Lundy’s response when asked to speak about the impact of fathers’ rights groups.
In the late 70’s and early 80’s as the whole atmosphere towards child support enforcement completed changed and suddenly you actually had to pay your child support the abusers bonded together and formed these father supremacy organizations.
First of all they’re not fathers’ rights organizations. That’s what they’re called, that is what they call themselves, but why should we let them decide what to call themselves? Father’s rights are a good thing, as are mother’s rights and children’s rights. Those are all positive things. These organizations are not devoted to fathers’ rights. I spent so much time — gag me with a spoon — reading their literature for over a decade. . .What’s in their literature is anti-mother, anti-female stuff. It’s a deluge. And it’s saying that women are out to use false allegations of domestic violence and false allegations of sexual abuse to cut caring fathers off from their children and it’s constant, constant, constant complains about child support — ‘We are here to show how much we deeply care about our children and get our child support reduced.’ [sarcasm intended]
And I’ve also had the experience of arguing with these guys cause they tend to get up into my face at conferences and they say that they’re about equality between mothers and fathers [but then] just worm into an argument and within five minutes — no, usually within about two minutes — they’re arguing about why fathers are more important to children than mothers are. And why fathers are a positive influence while mothers are a destructive influence.
Guys who aren’t abusers don’t like these groups. I had an experience. I use to do a bunch of training with state troopers in Massachusetts. And I started explaining once. . .about what the so-called fathers’ rights organizations are about and this trooper came up to me during a break. He seemed like he was maybe mid-30’s and he said, ‘. . .I went to one of these fathers’ rights meetings cause I thought that’s where you’re suppose to go if you were getting jerked around on your visitation. [And you know what] they were all batterers in there!’ And he [the trooper] continued, ‘At one point they asked for a show of hands of whoever had ever had a restraining order against them, and I was the only guy in the room that didn’t raise his hand!’
So I [Lundy] thought, ‘Well, that’s from the mouth of the state trooper — that’s very helpful.’
. . .the key point to understand now is that they’ve developed mainstream influence, they’re considered the voice of fathers even though, again, they get no support from fathers except abusive fathers, and their stands are very extreme. They keep claiming in public that they’re moderate, but again you go looking at what they actually stand for and their stands are extreme. So, calling them fathers’ rights organizations, to me, is like calling the KKK an equal rights for white people organization.
There was a judge that was shot in Nevada about a year ago through the courthouse window by a father that was angry about what the judge was doing with his custody case and you should have seen what these fathers’ rights organizations were writing on the websites about this. They weren’t rapidly distancing themselves from this act, they was saying things like, ‘Well, see what fathers are being driven to by how the court is treating them,’ and on and on and on. So that’s how they show their true colors by what supporters of violence they are.
. . .[So] I refer to them [fathers’ rights organizations] as father supremacy organizations because when you really pursue their arguments with them that’s actually what they are promoting. To me that’s not name calling, that’s an accurate description of what they’re actually arguing for. Especially because they are saying that domestic violence and children abuse perpetuation should not in any way effect your access to children. They complain all this time about false allegations but you should also see their reactions to allegations even after they are admitted to be true. Because there aren’t that many false allegations. Obviously there are going to be some but there’s not tons of them, but they make it sound like there are just tons and tons and tons of false allegations. But you see their reactions to allegations that are true. And they’re still arguing that ‘well, that’s not a reason why fathers shouldn’t have any contact with his child.’
***IMPORTANT NOTE: While we endorse Lundy’s writings about the dynamics of domestic abuse, we do not recommend anyone attend the ‘healing retreats’ Lundy Bancroft offers or become involved in his ‘Peak Living Network.’ See our post, ACFJ Does Not Recommend Lundy Bancroft’s Retreats or His New Peak Living Network for more about our concerns.