The Teaching that a Husband/Father is Priest to His Family is Unbiblical and Promotes Abuse (Part 1)

50 thoughts on “The Teaching that a Husband/Father is Priest to His Family is Unbiblical and Promotes Abuse (Part 1)”

1. Thanks Jeff! Looking forward to this.

2. JA is standing and waving her white hanky. This kind of teaching is sooooo destructive. Thanks, Jeff.

3. Man as Priest in His Home 1/5
   Here we go…

   1. Interesting. Sam Waldron was supposed to be against the FIC movement, but I guess he is not that far removed from them.

      1. UPDATE Sept 2021: I have come to believe that Jeff Crippen does not practise what he preaches. He vilely persecuted an abuse victim and spiritually abused many other people in the Tillamook congregation. Go here to read the evidence. Jeff has not gone to the people that he spiritually and emotionally abused. He has not apologised to them, let alone asked for their forgiveness.

         ***

         I have not heard of Sam Waldron till Jeff C started this series, Nicholas, so I’m only hypothesizing in a general way, but it does seem that some leaders start off on pretty orthodox ground and then get led (or go astray) into whacko doctrine as time goes on.

4. Oh, please, I think I’m going to be sick. Who posted that nasty sermon? Ban them from this site. Where are the moderators around here – lol! ACK!

   1. haha! Julie Anne, Anonymous told me I didn’t have to approve it, but I thought – hey, why not give everyone the chance to hear it first hand? We always strive to provide listening enjoyment when we can:):)

      1. I can think of a certain “despicable” video that might be appropriate to post at this moment. 🙂

      2. That’s desthpicable!

      3. That, too! ha!

5. After living entrenched in this false teaching, it was ever so freeing to actually read the Scriptures without this overture playing in my head, and to see for myself how they had twisted and warped them, into being what they wanted them to be and say. It is truly a false gospel that they preach. No way do the verses in Ephesians say that the man is to sanctify his wife. The word there is HE, meaning Jesus Christ. I guess it’s easy for them to overlook Him here in these verses, because they are not presenting the true Gospel.

6. Jeff, it looks like you need to write another book. We need biblical ammunition! Maybe we can help you with suggestions for titles. Mine would be: “Husbands: You’re NOT Christ”.

   1. Oh please can I help write it? Please, please pretty please?!? I promise not to be unkind or brash – but I also promise to address every speck of evil.

      1. Anon- Yes, indeed. You have clearance for take off. Pick up your pen and go for it!

   2. He could call it “Husbands, Know Your Place.” It’d be a welcome change from all the folks telling women to do that. 🙂

7. Jeff, just a reflective comment:
   I know that when an abusive man insists on being “head of the household” and uses priesthood as an excuse to control, the scene is set for domestic violence. What do you think of non-abusive homes where husband and wife follow this teaching and say it works for them, and that Scripture is not at fault, rather, the abuse of Scripture? Personally, I think it is bad exegesis to confer the role of Christ to the husband when it is obvious that only Christ is the Savior, Redeemer and Mediator of every human being. But is it necessarily true then that this doctrinal stance leads to abusive behaviors?

   1. Hi Annie – That is a very good question. I will give you my opinion. It seems to me that anytime we misuse the Scriptures, misapply them, misinterpret them, there are going to be harmful consequences. And I would say that this teaching of the husband/father as priest always leads to abuse in that it will always be taken by abusers and used for evil purposes. I think it can also be taken in by non-abusers who will then still lord it over their wife and children. Now, in the scenario you suggest for consideration – say where a husband and wife are both genuine Christians and truly desire to serve the Lord and love one another – there may well not be actual abuse, but I do think that in such a case the man himself is harmed. What I mean is, he is told by this teaching that he has responsibilities that really are not his in truth. It seems that this puts tremendous weight and pressure on a man, and what if his “priestly” efforts fail? That is to say, what if his children don’t turn out to be saints? Would that lay a real load of false guilt on him?

      For myself, I simply cannot see me functioning toward my wife as if I were a priest to her – in the one way sense that Waldron teaches. I would feel like I was patronizing her, putting her down, treating her as my inferior, and it would really grieve me to think of doing that to my wife whom I greatly respect as a joint-heir in Christ.

      So, to summarize, no – I don’t think that this teaching necessarily leads to abuse in each individual case. At least not in the sense of the husband/priest actively using it as an excuse to possess power and control over her and seeing himself entitled to that control. However, I do think that it does always lead to some form of abuse of human beings, even if the man himself is the one abused by it.

      What do you think? Those are my thoughts. I’m not infallible though!

      1. My view is similar to yours, in that I don’t think this belief necessarily leads to abuse in each case, but I do wonder whether Christian women are more likely to be abused simply because churched men are expected to adhere to teaching that makes him priest and in many cases, boss. In other words, without this teaching, non-psychopathic men wouldn’t have to resort to abusive behaviors in an attempt to rigidly fulfill roles he was never called to fulfill. I have observed Christian husbands who do not seem psychopathological in any way justify domineering behaviors because they sincerely believe they are supposed to have that sort of authority over the wife.

         The point about the unduly heavy burden placed on a Christian husband is something I have discussed with my Christian sisters. They seem to think that if they help their husbands in it, submitting and yielding to his leadership so he doesn’t feel overwhelmed or a failure, he will thrive in that role, regardless of whether he is equipped to be a priest of the household. It seems they need a lot of bending and twisting to make life workable, when in fact these women (and their husbands, naturally) should re-think whether their reading of Scripture is accurate in the first place.

   2. Hi Annie. My personal opinion, is that wherever Scripture is wrongly believed and/or practiced by true Christians, eventually it has to come right. I have found that in this headship/submission twist, it had better be the husband that comes to the light first – not the wife. Otherwise, the wife can be faced with the whole “she’s just a feminist and hid it all along” mentality, or “she just wants to be in charge” accusations, that can then lead to multiple problems, including severe spiritual abuse.

      My question is, how can something that is wrong according to Scripture, ever end up playing out right? If the man believes wrongly, that he is the priest to his wife, isn’t he still demonstrating at least some form of “lording it over” in the marriage? I will just say, that I believe that this form of supremacy given in a marriage, always leads to some form of abuse or mistreatment, even if it is just making the wife feel inadequate or less than the male over her or making her feel that her opinion is of little significance. The Bible says the husband is the head, but it does not then give out the lists we so often see, of what the head is “entitled” to, or “must” do, as that head. Misuse of Scriptures to set those lists and demands up for the men and the women, and then the children, is a form of Spiritual abuse – of all parties.

      1. You’re right, Anonymous, if Scripture is misapplied, things can never play out right. I agree with you that if a husband tries to be the priest to his wife, he will somehow end up “lording it over” her. In fact, that point is precisely the argument put forward by Rebecca Groothius (author of Good News for Women and co-editor with Gordon Fee of Discovering Biblical Equality), that “unequal in role” amounts to inequality in being, because the only foundation for the inequality in role is the fact that she is the woman, and therefore inferior by her status. I won’t go into it here, but her position is undeniably logical. And I’d better stop here, before we tread waters of delicate differences in doctrinal positions of complementarity, etc. Unfortunately, treatment of women and abuse are inextricably linked, and sooner or later, confronting the issues of abuse uncover a can of worms in beliefs about the place of women that contribute to the propagation and denial of domestic abuse.

      2. Annie, you said,

         “Unfortunately, treatment of women and abuse are inextricably linked, and sooner or later, confronting the issues of abuse uncover a can of worms in beliefs about the place of women that contribute to the propagation and denial of domestic abuse.”

         Exactly! The “belief system” people have about women, is truly what propagates and keeps the ball of domestic abuse rolling. Change is so desperately needed and yet, just as you say, we are afraid of the chaos, division and mess confronting these false beliefs will bring, so we just keep the “peace”, which is really not peace at all – and in the meantime, the damage just keeps mounting.

   3. UPDATE Sept 2021: I have come to believe that Jeff Crippen does not practise what he preaches. He vilely persecuted an abuse victim and spiritually abused many other people in the Tillamook congregation. Go here to read the evidence. Jeff has not gone to the people that he spiritually and emotionally abused. He has not apologised to them, let alone asked for their forgiveness.

      ***

      Annie, I second Jeff in saying that your reflective comment / question is a good one. It’s questions like yours that help keep us moderated so we don’t (we hope) go off into rants-ville.
      I agree with Jeff that the doctrine that the husband is priest in his home does not necessarily lead to abuse of the wife and children, but it does do damage even if of a minor kind. A self-sacrificial man could believe he wasn’t doing the ‘priestly’ role well enough. And this is especially likely because those who teach the husband-as-priest idea tend to model it pridefully (even if they mask this with hand-wringing displays of false humility) so a good ordinary bloke would think he wasn’t doing it like the teachers model it and could feel false guilt as a result.
      I would not be surprised if some young husbands have been led astray this way, not to the extent that their faith has been shipwrecked, but at least to the extent that their sanctification process has gone into bypaths.

      1. Very good insights Annie. Top notch. Thank you.

      2. I have to wonder that myself. Young husbands that are green where it comes to how he should conduct himself as head of a new family and maybe didn’t have a good roll model, what happens to them when they here this being a priest idea. Does it lure them into a false sense of supremacy when they would otherwise would be a partner to his bride rather than her lord. That can’t be good for a young man’s mind, heart or marriage.

8. Amen and amen! How could a person rightfully say that they stand as a priest to a woman or a family? Rather, any man who decides he is the priest of his family is, in reality, a great wall blocking them from a personal relationship to Christ. It is sickening!

9. Thank you for this. I saw someone tweet just last week that every man who marries, must be ready to be the senior pastor of his home and I had to hold myself back from responding. This kind of thinking truly does create an environment ripe for abuse. Thank you for this.

   1. So his wife would be the youth director? Oh man, the things people come up with. Thank you Tamara.

10. First of all, no man can “purify” another creature. Impossible set-up.
    Secondly this is Mormon teaching. Heaven help us when so-called “patriarchal Christians” are basically just Mormons without Joseph Smith and his band of angels & egyptian hieroglyphs.
    I bet if you wandered into Doug Phillips’ house you would think you were at a Mormon reunion.
    I have no patience for this mess. 😦

    1. Hold onto your hat, Katy. I will be doing at least 5 or 6 installments in this series and you haven’t heard the worst of it yet!

       1. UPDATE Sept 2021: I have come to believe that Jeff Crippen does not practise what he preaches. He vilely persecuted an abuse victim and spiritually abused many other people in the Tillamook congregation. Go here to read the evidence. Jeff has not gone to the people that he spiritually and emotionally abused. He has not apologised to them, let alone asked for their forgiveness.

          ***

          and I commend you for your self restraint, Jeff, in the tone you’ve used in this post. 🙂

11. Oh my aching head!!!! I am so aware that I can become far too cynical….it’s a fault of which I am aware. But these messages from men absolutely chap my hide like nothing else does. I am finding more and more that we have become prey to such garbage. These people take scripture out of context, misapply God’s Word and His relationship to Israel and the Church, and create monumental burdens that no woman can carry. I say “woman” because I have yet to find a man being told anything remotely like what women are told.

    Praise the Lord for Jesus. His burden is easy and His yoke is light. And His love covers and protects those of us who come to Him with a true heart. We know we aren’t perfect. But the church would have us pretend that our lives are perfect. They tell us that God is a God of miracles and what a testimony we can be for the unsaved. So, we punch down our pain and find ourselves compartmentalizing subconsciously. Until there comes a time, and for each of us it is different, that the door cracks open to our subconscious. Suddenly things don’t add up. We begin to see. What is so strange to us is that the church puts a burden on us that is far too heavy. And we see Jesus, arms extended, relating to our pain and telling us to come to Him. Some of us listen early on and run to Him and away from the people who hurt. Others of us wait, still trying to work things out. Eventually, we see that we can no longer live that way. When we leave the church hurls insults and judgments. In the end, Jesus is all that matters. If we turn our hearts to Him and trust Him He will continue to lead us through the mine field. He is the only priest we need. If I had given my ex any more respect and building up to our family he would be wearing a crown. I was aware deep down that my efforts and faith were leading my family. But I gave him the right position. In the end, I did it so well that few believed that he was who he was. And I was scorned.

    These men disgust me. I hate to think that the old saying of it being a man’s world is true. I want to be shown I am wrong…..

    1. Heather2 – I like to think of the account in John 9 in which the blind man Jesus healed was ex-communicated by the “church.” But then Jesus finds him outside the temple building. The irony is incredible. Those who had put him out and who were still in “the church” are in fact the ones who are outside the Temple, because Jesus had become the Temple! The ex-communicated man was actually in the Church – the true church. So are you. There are many “churches” today from which the Spirit of Christ has long since departed.

       1. That is so true , Jeff!!!!

          And though it should not surprise us, still, when we are affected by it we are sometimes taken off guard.

          When my ex was first unfaithful, back in the 80’s, he got caught. The well meaning men were not accepted by his family when they tried to handle it. Soon, no one stepped forward. Until a man who had been a former pastor approached him. This man’s reputation was known. He was from a city where he had a church, family, etc. but he got involved in counselling a woman who had been abused. One thing led to another….and they ended up in our town. I was grateful that he had risen to help my ex by not only sharing his own past and remorse, but as a mature believer, would disciple my ex.

          He had two children and one more on the way before he and his girlfriend were married. He left a wife and seven grown children behind. This man was charismatic but seemed so repentant. He talked us into joining his multi level marketing plan. I didn’t like the idea but submitted to my husband’s decision. This couple also had chosen to homeschool their children and believed the teachings of a well known patriarchal leader. Eventually we left his marketing scheme and he proceeded to tell us that God would not heal our marriage if we left. Hmm!

          Fast forward, they certainly had their quiver full of children. Rumor had it that he repeated his infidelity but eventually they reconciled. Not all of their children followed their teachings. As I have read these accounts I have been putting pieces together. I have no doubt that they were committed to patriarchalism. He believed that the husband should teach the wife and children about The Lord and Scripture. That left me scratching my head because my husband was ill equipped to do so. It is also quite possible that he was abusing his second wife though I cannot confirm it. Our church back then would not give him a position of leadership for obvious scriptural reasons. He ended up leading his own church. I think it remained quite small.
          This man passed away a couple of years ago. I cannot help but wonder what would have happened if I had not been a strong willed, opinionated type. Perhaps we would have been sucked in to that movement.
          As it is, my husband never repented, never changed, though he had the appearance of having done so. But because I was the dutiful, albeit strong willed wife, I went along with the prescribed program. I did it too well, pushing down my pain, telling very few people about our marriage, especially when infidelity happened again a decade later. I often wonder what the marriages are like for those who accused me.
          I HATE what I see. But it cannot be denied. There is a cancer in our churches because the tares are mixed with the wheat and wolves beckon with smooth and authoritative words.
          I am ever so grateful that The Lord left us His Spirit and His Word. I trust Him to show me when He chooses. I trust Him to teach me and lead me.

          These men, these lies…… One day they will be held accountable.

12. I just listened to that video and my head and ears hurt!! I now have another author who’s book is added to my book burning if I find copies. That should not get into the hands of anyone who has any doubt that their safety and sanity comes below the tyranny of an abusive husband. If I recall correctly, the Levites were the only tribe in Israel who were priests. Not all husbands in Israel, there were a chosen few. He just taught this to an entire audiance of men. He just spread the bad news of abuse in the family. Satan is surely throwing a party.

13. Once again thank you to Jeff C, Barbara and the ACFJ blog for today’s post 11/25 which helped a lot! The links at the end also led to Feb. 26, 2913 and Dec. 19, 2012. (I particularly wish more could see your comment on how the blog started in the middle of the long comments section of Dec. 19 but written Dec. 22, 2012 – I found it helpful). Today’s blog and the Feb. one and are what my upbringing in a baptist church and then I thought I would switch after college to an EF church and ran into worse.
    At that time I was focusing on the church and abuse which was when I was first given Bilezikian’s book on “Beyond Sex Roles: Women’s Roles in the Church”, he took a ton of verbal abuse from DTSeminary (Hendricks even said to someone in one of his classes,’ just look at the guy, he looks like a feminist’) and baptists and EF churches for views opposite of propounders like Dobson and sex roles, though no one where I was called it patriarchy at that point it was all about “roles” in the church and home.
    Bilezikian does what Jeff and Barbara do and takes apart the words of the original language and shows the constancy in each book of the Bible and constancy across the Bible (not picking and choosing) and he shows how much in error all the sex roles/ patriarchy is.
    Ultimately I was given the “Boundaries” book and able to get separated from family members’ narcissism but did not have it validated until this ACFJ Blog this year that that was ‘authentically’ abuse. And that came as a result of the situation and divorce this year with my ex and his abuse and the GB church which ties in with all the comments Jeff C has made in the above blog posts and more – this church of my ex’s had the abuse pointed out to them, Bancroft’s book “Why Does He Do…” handed to me and then to them, another pastor/counselor from miles and miles away try talk to them and still they chose to not report abuse, to aid and abet the ex because as the elder said, ‘the pastor doesn’t do conflict so the elders take care of it’, The pastor himself propounded books on raising daughters and how he is supposed to be their keeper and guardian and picking their mates etc. – I wish I could remember the name of the book his wife was touting as ‘being how a father should be raising his daughters’. His wife actually backs the thinking because she has power invested in this too, she runs the home but hides it under the guise of the pastor running it, she doesn’t allow anyone to disagree with them and turns and attacks them if they do, because she likes having control and she has been confronted with lies and simply turns them around just like the “Narcissist Rules” from Luke Ministries that Barbara posted that was linked to here today was very helpful.

14. “But then Jesus finds him outside the temple building. The irony is incredible. Those who had put him out and who were still in “the church” are in fact the ones who are outside the Temple, because Jesus had become the Temple! The ex-communicated man was actually in the Church – the true church.”

    Such a great encouragement to me just now! Thanks for writing that. I personally would love to read a big, long blog post by you with you preaching just that very thing.

15. If the husband is a type of Christ, then every reference to Christ in the scriptures must apply to him? It seems to be a stretching a comparison to the breaking point and unsound hermeneutics. But to be consistent you’d have to do the same thing for the wife and references to the Church. Do the authors who promote this prophet/priest/king teaching also teach that the wife is the “pillar and buttress of the truth” ? And what about all believers being fellow heirs with Christ? It seems to be picking and choosing a metaphor to make a point that is outside of scripture.

    Looking forward to the rest of this series.

    1. Persis – Yes, exactly. This is an example of holding to a pre-conceived notion, then coming to Scripture to look for texts that can be stretched to support it. Frankly, the biggest argument that Waldron’s thesis is unscriptural is his own book. Really. I can assure you that if you read it your reaction would be the same as mine – extremely poor handling of Scripture, logic that isn’t logic, etc. I mean, his main argument that a husband/father is priest to his wife and children is Job. Job! Job offered sacrifices and prayed for his children. Therefore, all men are priests to their families. He sidesteps the argument that Job lived even before the Mosaic Law by saying that “yes, because it was before the Law and before the Levitical priesthood, Job becomes an archetypal pattern for us today.” No kidding. That is the depth of his case.

       1. So is Waldron now offering sacrifices?

       2. Brenda – Ha! Good question. Didn’t I see an online photo once of R.C. Sproul Jr. dressed up like a levitical priest, knife in hand, with a lamb or goat hanging there ready to be killed?

       3. If there isn’t, I’m sure there is some good software out there so we could doctor one up.

       4. I seem to be seeing more and more of this, lately…or becoming more aware of it. People approaching scripture with preconceived notions, then plucking verses out of context to bolster their position.

          Looking forward to your further discussions on this topic!

16. Great article Jeff! As I read it, it occurred to me how dangerous it is for the family to implement ANY system of thought, order, or family administration that in any fashion detracts from the finality and superlatively perfect nature of what Jesus has done for us, as our Great, Only High Priest. To pull such a wondrous, exclusive aspect of Jesus down to the level of patriarchal aspiration in the home is dangerous, and corrupted. This stuff (Patriarchy in the modern sense) is tremendously tempting and appealing to young, conservative Christian couples (and esp. young husbands and fathers) who are still sorting things out in the home, and eager for some structure and a good set of “rules” to follow, hopefully to guarantee success and ward off other, feared, crises that families face. When they fail, as they all must, there’s the devil to pay. Although I was never much of a patriarchist in our home as a young husband and father, those same normal, natural fears and insecurities led me to “lead” my family into membership in a spiritually abusive church, and the same fears kept me there! Finally, I went to the real Priest, and He rescued us!

    1. Thanks for the encouragement, Ken. Yes, your insights into how young couples can get drawn into this stuff is right on. In a kind of ironic way, the more sincere and eager they are to go all out for Christ, the more susceptible they are to these patriarchal false teachers and systems. Galatians, Galatians, Galatians! We need the lessons of that epistle as much today as ever. We foolish Galatians are so easily bewitched if we don’t keep watch.

       1. With you!

17. Cindy K. commented on Spiritual Sounding Board:
    “The heavyhitters in CBMW and TGC rallied in 2000 to have the whole phrase “priesthood of all believers” struck from the Baptist’s Faith and Message Statement ( of the SBC). It wouldn’t fly so they settled for the change to “priesthood of THE believer” as a compromise. They now can say that the prieshood does not apply to all—it does not apply to women per the Danvers Statement which was also ratified that same year by the SBC.”

    1. so they settled for the change to “priesthood of THE believer” as a compromise. They now can say that the priesthood does not apply to all

       How would that work? The priesthood of the believer means if you are a believer you are a priest. The would mean each, rather than focusing on a collective body, though that would be implied since each collectively would be all, irrespective of gender. Without some kind of special qualifier, it would do the opposite of denying priesthood to women. Does the Danvers Statement say something that would qualify the Baptist Faith and Message Statement? Because that wouldn’t work either as the Danvers Statement would necessarily be subject to the BFM, not the other way around. Or it should anyway.

       I don’t get it.

    2. I did not know that. Thanks Carmen. What you shared here sent me on a webhunt. Here is an article which looks like it is a pretty comprehensive summary of the history of the changes in the Baptist Faith And Message statement over the decades. Very interesting.
       The New Credalism: Baptist Faith and Message 2000 [Internet Archive link]

       Here is a D Min Thesis (2012) titled Finding Somewhere Else To Go: The effect of the conservative takeover of the Southern Baptist Convention on ministers who would not conform to the new leadership and theology. [Note: I do not necessarily endorse everything in this thesis.]

       Wade Burleson’s blog (we appreciate Wade for his integrity in standing up and speaking out on issues of abuse) has some interesting discussion on this here [Internet Archive link]. I’ve given a link to one comment in the thread, but scroll up and down and you’ll find a lot more discussion on that thread about the Southern Baptist’s nefarious twist on the priesthood of believers.

       No doubt Cindy Kunsman has stuff on it at her site Under Much Grace too.

18. […] view of fathers. The above quote only reinforces how fitting that term is. Not only are fathers “high priests” of their homes – not only can daughters blaspheme their father and take his name in vain, because he is God’s […]

19. UPDATE Sept 2021: I have come to believe that Jeff Crippen does not practise what he preaches. He vilely persecuted an abuse victim and spiritually abused many other people in the Tillamook congregation. Go here to read the evidence. Jeff has not gone to the people that he spiritually and emotionally abused. He has not apologised to them, let alone asked for their forgiveness.

    ***

    I’ve just submitted the following as a review of Sam Waldron’s book on Amazon. I think it should go live soon.

    Waldron bases his arguments only on the OT and his arguments are rather weak even so. In the New Testament there is ZERO mention of a man being priest in his home. On the contrary, it clearly states that we as believers in Christ all share in the priesthoold of all believers (1 Peter 2:5). And our only mediator is the Lord Jesus Christ. “For there is one God, and there is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus, who gave Himself as a ransom for all.” (1 Tim. 2:5-6)

    So, Christ is our High Priest and mediator, and no other man can be so. Any man, any husband, who claims he is the priest in his home is likely to be a bully — and is certainly a heretic because he is claiming a role that only the Lord has.

    For a more thorough rebuttal of all Waldron’s assertions in this book, I recommend Ps Jeff Crippen’s series at A Cry For Justice The Teaching that a Husband/Father is Priest to His Family is Unbiblical and Promotes Abuse (Part 1)

Leave a comment. It's ok to use a made up name (e.g Anon37). For safety tips read 'New Users Info' (top menu). Tick the box if you want to be notified of new comments. Cancel reply

Enter your comment here...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

Email (required) (Address never made public)

Name (required)

Website

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. ( Log Out /  Change )

You are commenting using your Facebook account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Cancel

Connecting to %s

Notify me of new comments via email.

Notify me of new posts via email.

Δ

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.