Non-abusive men: speak up, stand up and step out to prevent domestic abuse

Most men think Domestic Violence is wrong.

If you think Domestic Violence is wrong, stop being silent in thinking that it’s wrong.

It is not good enough to not hit your wife.

That is no longer the standard for being a good man.

A good man does more than that.

It is time that we raised the bar.

Let’s raise the bar about what it means to be a good man.

It includes that you don’t hit her. It includes that you don’t make her feel bad about herself, or call her names. but it also means that you step up and step out. And you take action in your community, and that it’s part of your world to make it a better and more socially just place.

These are the words of Rus Ervin Funk, a man who spoke at the PASCH conference ‘Emerging from the Shadows’ in 2011.
[PASCH = Peace and Safety in the Christian Home]
[Update: PASCH no longer exists. It came to an end after Catherine Clark Kroeger’s death.]

I got the DVDs of the conference and this sound bite was way too good to keep to myself.

3 thoughts on “Non-abusive men: speak up, stand up and step out to prevent domestic abuse”

  1. Well, thank God we are blessed enough to have several good men in this community who put their necks on the line for victims of violence. I am always amazed when I come across a man who is prepared to get “involved” by speaking out, maybe even more so when it is a person who has not been victimized. That must really be something special God puts there, as it can be very hard to passionately feel for a cause if you haven’t personally experienced it. And I certainly don’t want more people to go through abuse just so they can join in the action. It would be far better if more people just “got it” by listening to what the advocates and victims are screaming out, and by being open to what Scripture really says.

    Sometimes you wonder why it’s that hard. Then you remember the evil forces behind it all.

  2. Also, good men can educate themselves on the language of abuse and challenge their friends when they hear the blather. Speaking truth to the young men around them would help– a few seeds here and there to turn this thing around.

    I use to watch the reaction of other men when my husband talked about me. If someone started laughing and back slapping, I knew that man was in agreement. A few times, I saw a man stiffen, then make some excuse and walk off. Those men had my respect. My husbands was testing them, to see where they stood on the issue. He was looking for allies.

    Unfortunately, thinking back on those with who walked away, none offered any support when I left. They remained neutral. Even an offer to come by for a cup of coffee or an invite to my son to come for a visit with their kids would have been so comforting. Instead, they still remained silent.

    Now I think its time for more. Staying silent lets this thing grow unchecked. You don’t have to be confrontational to speak the truth when someone throws a red flag on the ground at your feet.

    1. Yes. Abusers put out ‘invitations to collude’. The way other men respond to those invitations is very telling. Good men can learn how to make stronger responses than just stiffening and walking away. One day, good men may learn the front-foot conversational techniques to use with abusive men when they proffer their invitations to collude.

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