Family and Friends

BIFF Response

This site discusses how to manage exchanges with “high conflict people” but it does not consider the degree of high conflict we mostly deal with on this blog. Their advice really isn’t geared toward the difficulties of dealing with the average conscience-deficient evil abuser — evil people who know what they are doing and why they are doing it and whose purpose is control and dominance.

They are mostly about non-abusers who are socially challenged in some way and so become difficult. However, that does not mean what they have to say is not valuable or would not be helpful for some situations our readers may be dealing with. Some of what they say can be helpful for abuse victims, especially the article on responding to emails.

They have a section on high conflict people at work and a ton of stuff on divorce. We are not sure their divorce stuff is all that helpful for domestic abuse situations, though. And one of their suggestions would be contraindicated in dealing with abusers: what they call the E.A.R. method, which is give Empathy (we are already lost right there), Attention, and Respect. Noooooo……
So readers, when you visit this site, just bear these caveats in mind.

Emotional Abuse of Children

Emotional abuse is the most difficult category to define, and unfortunately, the most difficult type of abuse to investigate. Examples include harsh criticism, name-calling or derogatory comments, shaming, threatening, withholding love and affection, and possibly exposing children to domestic violence.

Fred et Marie

“Fred et Marie” is a video produced by Bonjour, Inc. It is in French, but there are English subtitles.  This video does an excellent job of portraying coercive control, entrapment, social abuse & isolation, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, threats of physical violence… and the profound fear which all this induces in the victim.  It also shows poor bystander responses. TRIGGER WARNING:  This video is 15 minutes in length and will almost certainly trigger some, so please be prepared.

Is Someone you Know Being Abused in a Relationship?

This booklet can be downloaded in several different languages.

Neglect of Children

Neglect is a failure to provide certain basic necessities of life, including food/water, adequate shelter, or appropriate supervision. Not getting medical care or not being taken to school may also classify as neglect.

Physical Abuse of Children

Physical abuse can be any act of violence (accidental or intentional) that results in an injury to a child. This may include punching, kicking, shaking, stabbing, throwing, biting, choking, burning or hitting (with an hand or an object, like a belt or switch).

Protective Behaviors for Children

An ACFJ post that might answer some questions from mothers who are about to have to provide their abuser with unsupervised access to their children, and the mothers know the abuser has been sexually grooming or outright sexually abusing the children.

Respecting & Listening to Victims of Violence: A handbook for those who are supporting women who have been abused by an intimate partner

An excellent 34 page PDF resource from Calgary Women’s Emergency Shelter.

Sexual Abuse of Children

Sexual abuse may include inappropriate touching, being forced to have sex or engage in sexual acts, being forced to watch pornography, being prostituted, or having someone expose themselves to a child.

Unhelpful Comments by Well-Meaning People – and how to respond to them

An ACFJ blog post by Barbara Roberts

Vicarious Trauma

This Headington Institute webpage contains an excerpt from Understanding and Addressing Vicarious Trauma that may be useful for those who are feeling overwhelmed from supporting victims of abuse.

What’s OK at Home (WOAH) website (Domestic Violence Resource Centre Victoria (DVRCV) in Melbourne, Victoria Australia

WOAH is a one-of-a-kind online platform with exercises, stories and information that supports children and young people aged 10-17 to recognize family violence and provides practical guidance to support their safety, health and emotional wellbeing.

WOAH also has a section for adults who want to help a child or young person in a family violence situation, with information about what to do, where to get help, the law, and guidance on how you can make a difference in a young person’s life.

What to Expect When You Are The Family Scapegoat

This article defines and describes the term family scapegoat.

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