With some frequency many of you, our readers, include links or books titles or other resources that you have found to be helpful to you. These suggestions are appreciated in that we know you are trying to share with everyone the things that have aided you in your journey out of abuse.
Often, however, we edit out those suggested resources from your comments before publishing the comment, and we want to let you know why we do this. First, some of them are resources that we cannot endorse and which we either do not find helpful or which actually are harmful. It takes time for all of us to come into the light regarding abuse and we are sure that most of you can think of a book or a speaker who you once thought very helpful but which you would never recommend now. Second, we hesitate to recommend any resource someone suggests that we are not familiar with. Sometimes we have the time to go check out the resource if it is a web link, but often we do not have that time.
When we have edited out someone’s recommendation, we normally have tried to email them to explain why we did so, but we are finding that it is increasingly difficult to find the time to do this. Thus this informational post.
We don’t want to discourage anyone from making recommendations in their comments, but please realize that sometimes those links are going to be edited out of the comment for the reasons stated here.
An alternative to making recommendations in comments is to email the recommendation to Barbara Roberts <barbara@notunderbondage.com>.
[May 2, 2023: Editors’ notes:
—For some comments made prior to May 2, 2023 that quoted from the post, the text in the comment that was quoted from the post might no longer be an exact match.
—For some comments made prior to May 2, 2023 that quoted from the post, the text in the comment that was quoted from the post might no longer be found in the post.
If you would like to compare the text in the comments made prior to May 2, 2023 that quoted from the post to the post as it is now (May 2, 2023), click here [Internet Archive link] for the most recent Internet Archive copy of the post.]
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UPDATE Sept 2021: I have come to believe that Jeff Crippen does not practise what he preaches. He vilely persecuted an abuse victim and spiritually abused many other people in the Tillamook congregation. Go here to read the evidence. Jeff has not gone to the people that he spiritually and emotionally abused. He has not apologised to them, let alone asked for their forgiveness.
A Cry For Justice 
Very respectfully stated and well-explained. Thank you.
Kindly stated. I appreciate ACFJ’s integrity and consistency in focus.
I appreciate your efforts and understand your reasoning. Thanks!
Leaving a link that excellently describes the often undetected nuances of emotional and verbal abuse.
“on becoming the enemy”
The Divine Sledgehammer [Internet Archive link]
[The Divine Sledgehammer is currently a Private Site. We were unable to find a copy of the article on becoming the enemy in the Internet Archive. We have provided an Internet Archived link to a copy of The Divine Sledgehammer. Editors.]
Thank you for checking it out along with the others in order to protect us.
[Note from Barb: the link is to a blog by woman whose husband committed double adultery and was emotionally and verbally abusive to her. She didn’t realise she was a victim of abuse, only that she was a victim of adultery. The site does not seem to have any Christian input, but it does not actively promote non-Christian beliefs so far as I can tell. She writes well and the article in the link is a compelling read.]
Hi, when I copy and paste from another source, my browser automatically adds the link. I will delete those before sending in future. Thanks
There was a link to Bill Eddy’s book on not alienating the kids….not sure if you want to support this book. A lot of his information is excellent. This book I have concerns about.
I was just wondering if someone has actually read that book. He believes in alienation. This is not good. I’m just concerned about this book and if anyone has actually read it before it was linked. Thanks!
UPDATE Sept 2021: I have come to believe that Jeff Crippen does not practise what he preaches. He vilely persecuted an abuse victim and spiritually abused many other people in the Tillamook congregation. Go here to read the evidence. Jeff has not gone to the people that he spiritually and emotionally abused. He has not apologised to them, let alone asked for their forgiveness.
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Hi, Braveandstandingstrong,
We think that the book you are referring to is called Don’t Alienate the Kids published in 2010. We agree – we don’t want to recommend it. And so far as we can tell, we have not recommended it at ACFJ. If we have recommended it somewhere on the blog, could you please email TWBTC the exact location (URL) where we did so? We will then be able to remove it. TWBTC’s email address is twbtc.acfj@gmail.com
We do recommend one of Bill Eddy’s other books: BIFF: Quick Responses to High Conflict People [Affiliate link].
And some time back another reader recommended another one of Eddy’s books to us: Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone. Jeff Crippen and TWBTC have copies of that book, but haven’t had time to start reading it yet.
Thanks, Barbara, for the clarification. I will find it. I think it was the post about “gray rock” maybe.
I am curious if you have looked at the Brene Brown books on shame, vulnerability, etc….I just started reading one on the basis of the TED talk she did, so I have no opinion yet. I am trying to process some things and wanted to see if they would help.
No, we haven’t, and we’re not likely to have time to check them out.