An Ugly Topic: Pornography as a Fuel for Abuse
Sam Johnson [name changed], 41, a coach and educational assistant at Community High School, was arrested Thursday on sex abuse charges. He is charged with four counts of third-degree rape and three counts of third-degree sodomy that allegedly occurred with a girl 14 or 15 years old. The girl is a student.
We read these reports virtually every single day in our newspapers, right? Teachers, pastors, police officers, and on and on. This particular story is in today’s newspaper in my area and it involves sexual abuse of a child. But just about every domestic violence abuse victim I know says that their abuse also included sexual abuse. And guess what else they will tell you? Over and over I hear it. The guy was into pornography.
It has not been fashionable in our culture and political climate for a long time now to call for, get ready for a dirty word – censoring. We insist upon freedom of speech and that has come to mean just about anything goes. As a bit of an aside, back in about 1970 or so when I first began in police work, we could actually arrest someone for giving an obscene hand gesture in public. And we could arrest someone for disorderly conduct for using various four-letter words in public. But then, those were the old days when we were much more “primitive.” Over time, all of those statutes fell.
It should not take much common sense (now we should probably call it UN-common sense) to realize that if people, especially men, ingest into their minds a diet of graphic pornos, complete with all of its perversions and abuses of women – and now, of children – something really bad is probably going to happen. Such a man will begin to want the same things from his wife. And in this regard, I have learned something else. Men who are abusive and who become sexually abusive (often as a result of porn), also often become impotent apart from receiving more and more bizarre, abusive stimulation. I told you this is an ugly topic, but guess what. Probably most of our readers are right now saying, “that’s right. That is exactly what happens!”
Pornography must not be tolerated in a marriage. To the degree that a wife can do so safely, she needs to draw some very firm boundaries here. And those boundaries can even be “If you persist in this, I am going to leave you and ultimately divorce you.” After all, what is pornography if not adultery? Stern measures will be required. This one only comes out “by prayer and fasting” – i.e., cutting off the right arm stuff — (no! no! not that! Yes!)… the internet service and the television cable. “But how will we live! What shall we do!” Cell phones with internet will need to go. High accountability will need to be established. An abuse victim will soon see if her abuser is really serious about change or not. His marriage, or porn. Time to make the choice.
Because it won’t get better. Garbage in, worse garbage out. Count on it.
Related posts: Do you tell others about the sexual abuse?