Aphrodite Wounded — Partner Rape Is Real Rape.
This site dealt with Intimate Partner Sexual Violence (IPSV) and was set up by Louise McOrmond Plummer. The website is no longer operating so the link takes you to a 2016 version that was internet-archived. The site offered support for women who have been sexually abused by their intimate partners, and educational resources for professionals.
— blog post by Barbara Roberts
Assessing men who present as victims of family violence but who may actually be the primary aggressor (PDF) [Internet Archive link]
— this PDF was used in a presentation given by Nathan DeGuara at the No To Violence Conference [Internet Archive link] held in Melbourne, Australia, in November of 2012. Barbara Roberts attended that conference and was impressed with Nathan’s PDF as it was consistent with what she had already learned at the coalface of this blog by reading comments and emails sent in by men who were claiming to be victims of abuse. She suggested a few items which Nathan could add to the PDF, and he appreciated her suggestions. Nathan DeGuara was drawing on the work of the Victims Support Agency and No To Violence in assisting practitioners to assess whether men who are referred – or who present – as victims of intimate partner violence are the victim or the one perpetrating violence.
This study found that one in ten Australian men have committed a child sex offence, and one in six men are attracted to children.
From the Twitter thread by Michael Salter, November 24, 2023, formatted to fit the ACFJ blog:
We’ve had some questions about our child sexual abuse perpetration prevalence survey, which found that one in ten Aust men have committed a child sex offence, and one in six men are attracted to children. The prevalence and impact of child maltreatment in Australia: Findings from the Australian Child Maltreatment Study [Internet Archive link]
We used 18 as the age of consent across all offences, although consent varies in Australia between 16 – 17. It is 18 for many child sex offences (ie child sexual abuse material, child sexual exploitation). Some have suggested that this inflated our findings. Why did we use 18 as the age of consent? Although our report focused on the Oz data, this is a multi-jurisdictional study that surveyed men in Oz, UK and USA. The age of consent varies up to 18 across the three countries.
We wanted comparative data so, rather than ask different questions in different countries, we standardised the questions with 18 as the age of consent across all offences. It is reasonable to question whether a lot of men are reporting consensual relations ie 19 yo [years old] and a 17 yo [years old]. However, 70% of men who reported sexual contact with children indicated online offending or sexual interest in children. The remainder indicated that they were friends with people they knew were sexually abusing children (we asked this) or had other risk indicators. There were only a couple of men in the sample who indicated sexual contact with children who had no other risk indicator. And the contact offending sample skewed much older — five times more likely to be 65 and above.
An alternative explanation that has been put to me is that elderly men are much more likely to report sex at 19 with a 17 yo [year old], which is a novel explanation with no empirical evidence that I’m aware of, and does not fit our data. In short, we are confident in our offending findings.
The distinction between sexual interest in prepubescent children and teenagers is important. We specifically asked youngest age of attraction so we can disaggregate this data, and we will be publishing more detailed analysis over the next 12 months. We have no fewer than nine papers in the drafting process based on this study. The comparative findings between the three countries allow us to identify the social determinants of child sexual abuse, in what we believe will make a significant contribution to primary prevention.
This site discusses how to manage exchanges with “high conflict people”. Their advice really isn’t geared toward the difficulties of dealing with the average conscience-deficient evil abuser — evil people who know what they are doing and why they are doing it and whose purpose is control and dominance. Some of what they say can be helpful for abuse victims, especially the article on responding to emails.
However, the advice at the site might help you deal with non-abusers who are socially challenged in some way and so become difficult. They have a section on high conflict people at work and a ton of stuff on divorce. We are not sure their divorce stuff is all that helpful for domestic abuse situations, though. And one of their suggestions would be contraindicated in dealing with abusers: what they call the E.A.R. method, which is give Empathy (we are already lost right there), Attention, and Respect. Noooooo…… So if you visit this site, just bear these caveats in mind.
Catherine Kroeger’s address at the Beginning Hope Conference, UK, 2010
Cathy Kroeger spoke about things she and colleagues had been doing for decades to get Christians to address domestic abuse, in the USA, Canada and Russia. Kroeger was the founding president of CBE (Christians for Biblical Equality) and at the time of this talk was the President of PASCH (Peace and Safety in the Christian Home). PASCH is no longer in existence. She covers:
- domestic abuse in the Bible: Ezekiel 34, Hagar, Judah and Tamar, Joseph and his brothers
- David’s adultery and Nathan’s faithfulness
- the dichotomy — many are in denial, some are trying to generate social change
- in social change, the role of the prophet is unpopular
- how to get men involved
- pastoral counselling for domestic abuse takes up more time than any other kind of pastoral counselling
- pastors with the least training feel they can handle the problem by themselves
- pastors with more training in domestic abuse work in consort with secular agencies
- in the early 20th century, evangelicals thought Prohibition would stop domestic abuse
- how CBE got active on domestic abuse, lost motivation, then got back on board
- how the World Evangelical Fellowship got a taskforce started on violence against women
- why the RAVE website was set up
- how PASCH is writing a faith-based program for the DULUTH model (Changed Men Changed Lives)
- some professions have higher rates of abuse: military, police, doctors, lawyers, judges, clergy
- the attempted suicide rate in abused women is 35-40%
— by Julie Anne at Spiritual Sounding Board.
— builds resilience and resistance in young people to hypersexualized media and pornography by raising awareness; building knowledge, skills, & confidence; and promoting social change.
Projected Impact Of The Work Of Culture Reframed:
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- Increased assessment, reporting, and treatment of health problems and injuries related to pornography
- Increased community, school, state/provincial, and federal advocacy for policies that address the harms of pornography
- Development and spread of cultural norms that support healthy sexuality as a basic human right for all people
- Increased youth resilience to porn culture
- Prevention of problems related to pornography
Developed by ARMS (Abuse Recovery Ministry Services), a Christian organisation set up by Stacey Womack.
Danni Moss’s articles on Abuse in the Christian Home
— Danni, a survivor who has now passed away, was a trailblazer in this work.
The Deaf Endure Domestic Violence More than Hearing
— from domesticshelters.org.
— by Aaron Hann, who is a Christian counselor and an ordained minister in the PCA.
Domestic Abuse: Myths versus Truths
— video by Restored (a UK organisation) which refutes 11 common myths about domestic abuse.
— video produced by Bonjour, Inc. It’s in French, but there are English subtitles. Does an excellent job of portraying coercive control, entrapment, social abuse & isolation, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, threats of physical violence, and the profound fear which all this induces in the victim. It also shows poor bystander responses. TRIGGER WARNING: this video is 15 minutes in length and will almost certainly trigger some, so please be prepared.
— this post gives a link to an academic article.
— discusses the issues of gender and violence in relationship and the controversy between proponents of gender asymmetry (i.e. men are more likely to be violent and women more likely to be victims) and proponents of gender symmetry (i.e. men and women are equally violent and equally likely to be victims).
Honouring Women’s Resistance: How Women Resist Abuse in Intimate Relationships
— highly recommended PDF from Calgary Women’s Emergency Shelter.
How playing the good Christian housewife almost killed me
— by Vyckie Garrison who was once a minor celebrity in the Quiverfull Movement. Vyckie describes how her abusive husband oppressed her using all the elements in the Power and Control Wheel.
Is my abuser passive-aggressive?
— one of our FAQ pages
Is my abuser’s mental illness causing him to be abusive?
— one of our FAQ pages
Leaving an Abuser: What to Expect and How to Stay Grounded [Internet Archive link]
— by Cindy Burrell
The myth of women’s false accusations of domestic violence and rape and misuse of protection orders
Fact sheet by xyonline.net, also available in PDF. Summary from the fact sheet:
Myths:
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- Women routinely make up allegations of domestic violence and rape, including to gain advantage in family law cases.
- Women use protection orders to remove men from their homes or deny contact with children.
Facts:
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- The risk of domestic violence increases at the time of separation.
- Most allegations of domestic violence in the context of family law proceedings are made in good faith and with support and evidence for their claims.
- Rates of false accusations of rape are very low.
- Women living with domestic violence often do not take out protection orders and do so only as a last resort.
- Protection orders provide an effective means of reducing women’s vulnerability to violence.
Support and resources for survivors of rape and sexual abuse.
Power and Control Wheel [Internet Archive links]
Why was the Power and Control Wheel created?
Wheel Gallery — includes the original wheels developed by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs (DAIP), as well as images that have undergone DAIP’s formal adaptation approval process.
Relationship Problems and Money: Women talk about financial abuse
Experiences of financial abuse are probably fairly similar no matter where you may come from. This report comes from Victoria, Australia, so some details may not be pertinent to all areas and jurisdictions. Sections 3 and 4 of the report are of most use to survivors of abuse, as these sections have lots of anecdotes from women who have experienced financial abuse from their husbands / partners.
Screening questions for intimate partner sexual abuse
— by the Washington Coalition of Sexual Assault Programs. Useful for counselors, doctors, nurses, and other health professionals. Also useful for survivors.
Unhelpful comments by Well-Meaning People – and how to respond to them
— by Barbara Roberts.
What is abuse? How can I identify an abuser? How can I tell if I’m the abuser?
— one of our FAQ pages
— coercive control is a pattern of behavior which seeks to take away the victim’s liberty or freedom, and strip away her sense of self. It is not just the oppressed person’s bodily integrity which is violated, but also their human rights.
What is Coercive Control? (Part 1)
More About Coercive Control (Part 2)
My Experience With Coercive Control (Part 3)
— three interviews with Lisa Aronson Fontes, who wrote the book Invisible Chains: Overcoming Coercive Control in Your Intimate Relationship.
Page updated March 2025
