Guest ♦ 31st July 2019 ♦ 33 Comments
[June 15, 2022: There have been some changes made to this post. For more information, read the Editors’ notes at the bottom of the post. Editors.] Male abuse is based on sexual entitlement, says relationship counselor Don Hennessy, and every abused woman senses this. We must take focus from the woman and put it onto …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 22nd May 2019 ♦ 19 Comments
Rachael suffered sexual abuse as a child, from two male perpetrators. One was a church leader, the other was Dr Larry Nassar who is now in jail for abusing multiple girls in his role as doctor for high level gymnasts. Rachael’s husband, Jacob, is not a survivor of sexual abuse. Rachael and Jacob describe how …
Guest ♦ 3rd May 2019 ♦ 9 Comments
[May 26, 2022: There have been some changes made to this post. For more information, read the Editors’ notes at the bottom of the post. Editors.] Trigger Warning From the taste of blood in her mouth to feeling powerless and unable to talk, sexual assault survivor Juliet dreaded annual visits to the dentist. Everything brought …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 1st March 2019 ♦ 19 Comments
Darby Strickland is helping awaken the church to abuse issues. She is one of the teachers in the free videos which are soon to come out from Church Cares – the SBC’s attempt to start educating the church about how to identify and respond to abuse. In Part 1 of this series I praised the …
Barbara Roberts ♦ 6th August 2018 ♦ 10 Comments
Victim safety and wellbeing must be the fundamental guiding principle if you are counseling abusive men or doing anything to hold them accountable and call them to reform. It’s vital to put victim safety and wellbeing first. Any person or agency that works with abusive men must see the victim (not the abuser) as their real …
Guest ♦ 30th July 2018 ♦ 21 Comments
[May 26, 2022: There have been some changes made to this post. For more information, read the Editors’ notes at the bottom of the post. Editors.] Today’s post is an anonymous, personal reflection on the experience of sexual exploitation in childhood. The reflection also draws on the biblical story of Amnon’s rape of Tamar (2 …
The definition of abuse: A pattern of coercive control (ongoing actions or inactions) that proceeds from a mentality of entitlement to power, whereby, through intimidation, manipulation and isolation, the abuser keeps his* target subordinated and under his control. This pattern can be emotional, verbal, psychological, spiritual, sexual, financial, social and physical. Not all these elements need be present, e.g., physical abuse may not be part of it.
The definition of domestic abuser: a family member or dating partner (current or ex) who has a profound mentality of entitlement to the possession of power and control over the one s/he* chooses to mistreat. This mentality of entitlement defines the very essence of the abuser. The abuser believes he is justified in using evil tactics to obtain and maintain that power and control.
* Sometimes the genders are reversed—see our tag for 'male survivors' (tags tab in the top menu).
To say that abusers cannot change removes responsibility for sin. They can change, but the vast majority choose not to, which is what the experts state. When God punishes them, their punishment is just. Abusers have options for treatment and are accountable.
Once the marriage covenant is broken through abuse, the abused partner does not need to stay in the marriage waiting for the abuser to change. The abuser's recovery is a separate issue and his change is his own responsibility, not his wife's. This is the mistake most churches make. These churches have over-sentimentalized marriage and are legalists.
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